> ...X2-MST3K, the sequel to the legend! If you don't get MST3K, just skim
> the host segments and read the jokes. I'm sure you'll like SOME of them at
> least! ;) Please let me know what you think of this one if you can, I've been
> working on it off and on for over two years...

Excuse me. WAHOOOOOOOOOO! I've been eagerly awaiting this. Not as long as many other people have, but long enough for 'X2-MST3K' to generate a Pavlovian response every time it gets mentioned.

> PS: OneList would not let me do an attachment. If this comes through
> all funky, just e-mail me at kielle@subreality.com and I'll be happy to send
> you a clean text copy. :)

I'm afraid it did a bit. No word wrap. I read it anyway. Who's going to let a little thing like having to scroll a bit stop them when such fare as this is on offer?

I enjoyed this so much I decided to give it an extra-special feedback. Just a quick one, mind, since I don't have much time. I'm not sure how many TBS (tm) (Tiny Blue Sheep) I have (every time I try to count them I end up falling asleep) but let's say there are 8 present.

> [Scene: the bridge of the SOL. Fog billows across the control panel.
> From the fog emerges Crow's beak. The voice of Tom Servo is heard
> in the background, humming a hauntingly familiar tune...]
> TOM: Doo doo, doo, do-da-doo doo.
> CROW: Every generation has a legend...
> TOM: Da-doo, da-doo-do-do-do-dee-da-doo...
> CROW: Every journey has a first step...
> TOM: Da-doo, DA-DO DA-DO DA-DOO-DOO, do-do-do-dee-dee-doo...
> CROW: Every saga has a beginning...
> TOM: Do da-doo. [Makes breathing sounds] *Co-chee* *Co-chee*!
> TOM & CROW: DA-DUH-DA-DA! DA!! DA-DUH-DA DUHHH DUHHH!!!!

ACETAL: This is the riffing of a fic long ago. A fic where the writer was petty and cruel and plagued his readers with suffering. This is the fic of Andrew Vincent!
SHEEP #3: Could we?
ACETAL: [laughs] Couldn't help it.
SHEEP #2: Try.

> CON-GOER 2: My gosh, is he real?
> BOBO: Of course I'm real, what did you expect?
> OBSERVER: Here we have a simian not unlike those seen in
> Fox's "Planet Of The Apes" movies.
> BOBO: I come from a future world where apes evolve from man.
> It can really happen!

SHEEP #8: All you have to do is pass this message on to five of your friends.

> CROW: So how many licks DOES it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, wise guy?

ALL: 42!

> [All three leap up and charge out of the theater, intent upon drawing blood.
> A few moments later they file back in, looking generally sheepish.]

ACETAL: I know what that's like.
SHEEP #4: [coyly] So, tell me, Crow, do androids dream of electric sheep?

> MIKE: [walking into range] ...had his address from the first one so I really
> thought we had a chance of stopping him before he breeds...pity we can't get
> down to Earth huh?
> TOM: Yeah...wasn't it nice when we were all throw 500 years into the
> future and could savor the fact that all fanfic writers had been wiped out
> along with the rest of the human race?

SHEEP #2: *cough* Thrown *cough*

>> "BUT BEFORE WE GET ON WITH THE ASSEMBLY,
> WE HAVE SOMETHING A LITTLE DIFFERENT FOR YOU!!!,"

ACETAL: And now for something completely different.

[All walk / skip / bounce off walls out of the room}

[All march somberly back into the room]

SHEEP #6: Out of popcorn.

>> But before we begin, let me introduce you all to our savior, SHADOW!"

SHEEP #3: And today, kiddies, we'll be answering the question What if Jehovah's Witnesses did drugs?

> TOM: Booze, babes, all-night Descent/Doom/Diablo marathons,

ACETAL: Now there's a slash fic I hope never to see!
SHEEP #4: [guiltily closes a window on the computer]

> CROW: Woo! That Andrew really knows how to pick up the chicks!
> Show up with a pack of Magneto's Acolytes and forcibly kidnap 'em!
> TOM: Come to think of it, how else COULD a seventh-grader pick up chicks?

SHEEP #2: With a large electromagnet.

> CROW: C'mon, Exodus! Take a swing at him! You KNOW you want to!
> He's right THERE, for cryin' out loud! GO FOR IT!!!
> MIKE: Yeah, but y'see, Andrew's the writer. Exodus knows that if he doesn't
> play along, he might wind up in a tutu or something.
> CROW: Naaaah, that'd be in one of Abyss's stories.

ACETAL: I blame Mike Loader.
SHEEP #1: Doesn't everyone?

> TOM: [flatly] Oh. Oh. The dramatic flowering of tender young love. I am
> overwhelmed. Fan me before I swoon from the sheer passionate intensity of
> this revelation. Mike--
> MIKE: No I will NOT kill you. Would you two stop asking already?

SHEEP #8: They're worse than the extras in an Alien movie!

> MIKE: [Andrew] Then I changed my mind and turned to 2 Samuel 11:2-5, because
> it's got all those juicy naughty bits about David and Bathsheba.

SHEEP #2: [licks lips] Try Revelation 3:16.

> CROW: Oh. Ooops. Hey, sorry guys, but you know that I sometimes get
> random power surges in my Political Correctness chip...
> MIKE: Look, I'm not a prude or anything, but I think it's about time that we
> dealt with that.
> TOM: Oh good. I'll get the hacksaw.
> CROW: What? Hey, no, hold on a sec--!

SHEEP #7: I'll bring the chainsaw.
SHEEP #4: I'll bring the beer.
SHEEP #6: Sounds like a party.
ACETAL: I'll bring the sheepdip.
SHEEP #3: Are you trying to hint that...
ACETAL: ...no partying inside my head.
SHEEP: Aww!

> [Crow cheerfully opens his mouth to fire off an innuendo which would bump this
> story's rating from G to at least PG-13. Mike lunges over just in time to snap his beak shut.]

ACETAL: The language probably already did that.
SHEEP #3: What, snapped Crow's beak shut?
ACETAL: If you're going to sulk...
SHEEP #1: Then Acetal's head is the perfect place to do it!
SHEEP #6: Dismal lighting and space to rent.
ACETAL: Hey!

> MIKE: ..."Have a thing for uberpowered megalomaniacal fourteen-year-olds"?
> TOM: ..."Am on the wrong page of the script"?
> CROW: ..."Am only doing this until I can get a decent part in a REAL fanfic series"?
> TOM: ..."Was a heavily-bearded male lumberjack until about three months ago"?

SHEEP #1 through 5: [singing] He wants to be a girly, just like his dear Mama!

>> I was standing outside of his room. After designing it himself, I wanted to
>> see what it was like.
> MIKE: Wall-to-wall Astroturf!
> CROW: Edible everything!
> TOM: A jacuzzi filled with water from Spring-Of-Drowned-Penthouse-Model!

ACETAL: Oooh! The joy of Jusenkyo curses.
BLUE SHEEP #1: Fanboy alert! Just 'cause you ended up with one.
ACETAL: That was your fault!
BLUE SHEEP #3: Just be glad it wasn't the Spring of the Drowned Goldfish!
ACETAL: But...*sigh* Nevermind.

>> They were posters of familiar faces. Faces of people that I knew. They
>> weren't photos, they were drawings.
> MIKE: Oh, niiiice work Rory! Stick figures with breasts! Have you ever thought
> of submitting your work to Image?

SHEEP #7: [snickers] Too true!
ACETAL: Oh, behave!
SHEEP #8: Spoilsport.
ACETAL: Are not.
SHEEP #1: Are too.
ACETAL: Are not.
SHEEP #4: Are too.
ACETAL: Are not.
SHEEP #5: Are too.
ACETAL: Are not.
SHEEP #2: Are too.
ACETAL: Are...doesn't this strike you as a bit childish?
SHEEP #7: Don't look at us. We're sheep.

>> Memories of playing football with an extra-ordinary group of people.
>> Memories of a land of dinosaurs, and a man named Sinister.

SHEEP #3:: Yes, it's the long awaited X-Men / Jurassic Park crossover!
SHEEP #8: [looks sideways at Acetal] Now there's an idea.
ACETAL: Don't even think about it.
SHEEP: Too late!

>> The theme from the twilight zone played through my head, and I hit the floor.

ACETAL: [laughs evily] I control the vertical. I control the horizontal. Because I have the remote! BWAHAHAHA!!!!!
SHEEP: [Watch as the walls begin to close in.]
SHEEP #1: Okay, okay! No X-Men / Jurassic park crossover.

>> Does fate deal you strange twists or what?
> MIKE: Huh. Yeah, I keep getting "right tentacle orange" on the spinner.

SHEEP #5: [nostalgically] Ah, Twister. The 80's way of meeting new people.
ACETAL: Sure, in the 70's you just pretended to be hallucinations. (Love the line, btw)

>> "NOOOOOOO!!" As I watched the window, I saw Flair slowly being
>> dragged to a cold and airless death.

SHEEP #1: Along with the rest of the characters in this fic.
ACETAL: Uncalled for.
SHEEP #1: He started it!

> TOM: And to the victor go the spoils, eh? Nudge nudge wink wink.

SHEEP: [Look frantically around.] Where? Where?

>> "Thanks for saving my life, Dane," said Flair. "Now lets go."
> MIKE: We've got bad characterization, mysterious silver blurs, powers out the
> wazoo, it's 2,000 miles to the ground and we're wearing spandex. Hit it.

SHEEP #3: [drool] Blues Brothers riff.
ACETAL: [watches Sheep #3 drool] You've been practising, haven't you?

> MIKE: [Andrew] Oh, wait, 12 PM? I thought I was supposed to meet him at 12 *AM*...!
>> I had been standing in the same spot for five minutes now, and I have seen nothing yet.

SHEEP #1: [singing] I met a clever woman
SHEEP #8: [singing] She took my heart away
SHEEP #2: [ditto] She said I had it coming to me
SHEEP #4: [likewise] But I wanted it that day...

[pushing and shoving as sheep try to get at the microphone]

ALL: [skipping straight to the chorus] You ain't seen nothin yet...
ACETAL: [Watching from the sidelines at the chaos] The horror! The horror of karaoke night.

>> "What are you tryin' to do, kill da rescuers?" asked Gambit.
> CROW: Naaaah, if that were the case I'd just buy a cat and set out some
> inhumane mousetraps.
> [Tom & Mike both make low "ooo, that's evil" sounds]

SHEEP #5: That IS evil.
SHEEP #3: And we should know.
SHEEP #7: Fantastic job.

>> 'This is impossible. No, wait, they have three or four telepaths, so they must
>> have been going around in my head.'
> CROW: And around and around and around...
> TOM: Pity those telepaths, guys. Pity them.

SHEEP #6: Andrew Vincent: The telepath's equivalent of a swirly.

>> "Yes, those screens show free movies," said a stewardess.
> CROW: [as the stewardess, brightly] There's one catch -- we only show movies
> starring dead Saturday Night Live alumni.

ACETAL: The Saturday Night Living Dead.
SHEEP #1: *rimshot*.
ACETAL: [Elvis] Thank you. Thank you very much.
SHEEP #6: Do that again and we'll have to kill you.

> CROW: Tonight on National Geographic: the bizarre mating dance of the Common
> Spotted American Teenager.

ACETAL: Don't have a comment except to say I love this line.

>> I was depressed. Its not often that you can go from being breathless to being
>> depressed in about two seconds.
> MIKE: Actually, most teenagers can do it in under one and a half seconds. Less
> if they're Goths.

SHEEP #2: They can go from depressed to breathless in under three minutes.
ACETAL: Bad taste.
SHEEP #4: Just like chicken.
ALL: Ewwwwww.

>> Please place you seats and tray tables
> CROW: --and Flair--
>> in their upright and locked positions.

SHEEP #1: The new Flair 2000 can be mounted on any household surface.
SHEEP #6: And when you're finished she folds away to fit into the closet, against the wall, or under the bed, for easy and convienent storage.
ACETAL: Enough! Am I going to have to turn you into Sailor Sheep?
SHEEP #7: [looks coy] Would you?

-- Acetal

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