Breaking The Rules: A Mary Sue Parody

By Senna
()


Obligatory Disclaimer: Anybody you recognize, I don't own. It all belongs to LKH. Well, not the city of Albuquerque, or the Airport, but...well, you get the idea. Whysper, however, belongs to me. Like anybody would want to dispute my claim...

The lead-ins to each segment are taken from the Mary Sue Litmus Test For Buffy The Vampire Slayer. I didn't write the litmus test. Wish I had, though.

Please direct all questions, comments, and flames to me, Senna. Go ahead. Flame me. You know you want to.

And just to reiterate, this is a parody, which accounts for the astronomically high cheese factor.



  • Her hair is mentioned repeatedly (down to her waist, fell in blue-black waves, etc.)

    With a sigh, Whysper lugged her carry-on bag through the plastic walkway that connected the plane to Albuquerque International Airport. Her long ruby-colored hair swirled around her in a tangled crimson cloud, and she pushed it back impatiently as she emerged into the waiting room of the airport, scanning the crowd for a familiar face.

    Before she could do more than glance, however, she was tackled by twin whirlwinds, comprising her cousins Peter and Becca.

    "Whysper, you're here!" Becca was clinging to her leg, giggling with delight.

    Peter looked pleased as well, but limited his greeting to a simple, one armed hug, and an offer to take her bag.

    "Don't be silly, Peter," Whysper told him, smiling. "You know I like to carry my own weight."

    "That you do."

    Peter was grinning now too, brown eyes alight with happiness at seeing her. But...Whysper frowned as her hypersensitive empathy picked up something new in Peter's emotional state. He was still the same old Peter, but she knew that something had changed. Something was wrong with Peter.

    With Becca too, she realized as she noticed the huge cast on the girl's small arm. A quick scan of her bone structure revealed three bad breaks in her fingers, all placed in such a way that indicated that the injuries had been deliberate.

  • Unusual eye color (violet, amber, etc.)

    Whysper's violet eyes narrowed as she considered the ramifications of this. Becca was her cousin, and a part of the family, half-blooded or not. And no one, no one at all, was allowed to insult one of the fey.

    "Whysper, so good to see you again."

    Whysper looked up, startled, her hand reflexively reaching for the composite dagger she'd hidden at the small of her back, then relaxed when she saw that it was only her Aunt Donna.

    Well, Donna wasn't really her aunt, anymore, not since her husband, and Whysper's uncle, John, had been killed by a lycanthrope assassin. Donna still didn't know the entire truth about her husband's death, about the parentage of her children. But she was about to find out.

    Not quite yet, of course. Pasting a dazzling smile on her face, she walked over to Aunt Donna, hands outstretched.

    "Whysper."

    "Aunt Donna."

    They embraced, and over her shoulder Whysper noticed that she was being watched. A small dark-haired woman was standing a few feet away, accompanied by a taller blond man. The man looked dangerous, but it was the woman who had Whysper's nearly undivided attention. Small and delicate though she was, the woman radiated a power that was anything but. One taste was all that Whysper needed to know what she was. A Necromancer.

    Whysper felt the corners of her mouth turn up in a feral grin as she regarded the other woman.

    A Necromancer.

    Just like her.



  • Has uncanny or supernatural abilities and skills (i.e., a witch, a demon, a werewolf, etc.)

    Just like me. Shit. I stiffened, hand reflexively groping for my gun, and Edward looked at me curiously.

    "What?"

    I swallowed, looking over at the red-haired girl in Donna's arms. "That's the girl that Donna wanted us to meet?"

  • Is connected to a series regular, either through familial or pseudo-familial ties

    Edward nodded. "Her name is Whysper. She's her first husband's niece from Ireland. She's an archeologist, and when she heard about all of the fascinating things that Donna's group has been finding..."

    "She wanted in on the action," I finished. "Looks a little young to be graduated already. Is that the only reason she's down here?"

  • Is unusually accomplished for her age (is an 18-year-old Watcher, 16-year-old member of the Initiative, etc.)

    Edward shrugged. "From what Donna said, I'd say yes. She also said that Whysper skipped a few grades -- she's only nineteen," he said. "Why?"

    I didn't get a chance to answer, because Whysper chose that moment to come towards us, full lips curled in a smile that was echoed in her starry violet eyes.

    Unusual name (including spelling variations of common names involving y or e, nicknames, fantasy names, etc.)

    "I'm Whysper," she said, her voice soft, with a slight musical lilt to it. She held out a hand to me, and I felt her power pulse over my skin as I took it. Cool, like my own necromantic magic, but with an undercurrent of something else, a sparkle, for lack of a better word, of pure, unadulterated power that brought a gasp to my throat and made me take a big step back from her.

    Edward stepped forward when I fell back, smiling as he took her hand and shook it in his best good 'ol boy style. "I'm Ted Forrester," he drawled. "Your Aunt Donna's new fiancé."

    He didn't gasp and drop her hand like I had, but then, he couldn't feel Whysper's power beating along his skin like a warm summer rain as she looked at him, eyes wide with shock.

    "Fiancé?"

    I shivered again as I felt her power swell, one hand groping for a gun that wasn't there. I hadn't been able to sneak it past the airport metal detectors, and with the Red Woman's Husband gone, I wasn't here on police business any longer. Magic strong enough to make my skin crawl shimmered around her like a heat wave. Damn, I wanted my gun.

    And then, abruptly, it was gone. A perfectly ordinary teenager stood before me, not smelling of magic in the least.

    I gaped at her, just gaped. "How did you do that?" I managed.

    She smiled at me, just as Edward sometimes did. Close, secretive. Irritating as hell.

    "Do what?" She asked, blinking at me with violet eyes as innocent and guileless as a kitten's.

    Innocent. Yeah, right.

    I wasn't quite sure what Whysper was, but I was pretty sure that I knew what she wasn't: Human.

    "What are you?" I asked, staring at her.

    She smiled again, leaning close enough that her deep red hair brushed my arm lightly.

    "Daoine Sidhe," she whispered softly.

    A fairie. A fairie with necromantic powers like mine. "You're a necromancer, too. The Seelie Court has no dealings with the dead."

    She nodded, still smiling at me. "I'm not Seelie Court."

    My mouth was suddenly dry.

  • Rules that apply to others are bent or broken for her.

    "Unseelie," I grated out.

    "Yes."

    "But Unseelie sidhe aren't allowed in the United States. How did you manage to get through customs?"

    "It wasn't hard," she replied airily. "All I had to do was show them my archeological credentials and explain to them how important it is that I be allowed at the New Mexico sites."

    "I see." I nodded. "But how--"

    The question died in my throat as I heard gunfire. The world slowed as Whysper shoved me away from her, and I had one crystalline second to watch as she threw herself in front of the children, glowing like a beacon as she shielded them -- both with her magic and her body. Then she fell, the glow around her brightening as balls of fire flew from her hands, smashing into the gunmen that seemed to have appeared from nowhere, killing them on sight.

    But there were too many of them, too many bullets, and I watched as Whysper's magical shields wavered under the combined onslaught of magical and physical attacks. She wouldn't be able to last for much longer...

    Apparently, she knew that too. I saw her sway on her feet, eyes shut tight, lips moving silently.

    "Goddess give me strength," she mouthed, and suddenly, I knew what she meant to do. I tried to get up, but Edward's hand on my arm stopped me.

    "Don't," he said, and his eyes were bleak. "There's nothing you can do."

    He was right. There wasn't. And so we watched as Whysper pushed Peter and Becca carefully to the ground, and stood up, raising her chin defiantly.

    Then she dropped her shields.

    "Don't, Whysper! NOOOO!" I could suddenly hear Peter's voice as the shields came down. Whatever he meant to say next was drowned in a burst of gunfire...and magic. Whysper had dropped her shields so that she'd have the strength for one last attack.

    Green fire blazed from her hands, then swept outward in a wave, destroying the gunmen where they stood, even as their bullets riddled her body.

    Edward caught her as she slumped to the ground, holding her almost tenderly as he lowered her to the ground. Becca was already sobbing, and Peter had that cold-eyed stare of someone who is too hurt, too traumatized to cry.

    "Oh Whysper, why'd you do it?" he said softly, and surprisingly, Whysper answered.

    "You're my family, Peter...the only one I ever had...had to...save...Johannic's...children..."

    "Johannic?" Now Donna was speaking, brown eyes confused.

    "Your...husband was...sidhe. Assassinated...people want the throne. Came here...tried to protect..."

    Donna's husband had been sidhe? Now that was news to me. And apparently it was news to Donna as well.

    "Sidhe?" she managed to choke out. "John was...sidhe?"



    Everything hurt. She hurt so badly, but she had to stay alive for just a few more minutes. She had to explain...

    "Yess..." The word came out in a labored hiss. "Had to keep it a ...secret. Wanted to..protect...you." Whysper swallowed hard, tasting blood. She didn't have more time left. Desperately, she opened her mind, trying to find a way to communicate it all to them, tell them all of the things that they needed so badly to know.

  • Has a particularly traumatic past.

    She succeeded. Anita's eyes widened, then narrowed as she took it all in -- not just what she needed to know, but everything about Whysper: her childhood on the run after her parents died, being taken to the sithen by her cruel grandfather, the abuse...but all of those things didn't matter now. What was important, Anita knew. And so did Donna, and Peter and Becca, and Edward. Just as she now knew everything about all of them.

    But that didn't matter now. They knew. She could go in peace.

    Taking one last breath, she looked deeply into the pale blue eyes of the man who would take Johannic's place.

    "Protect them..." She breathed out softly. "I ...failed. You must...protect..."

    He nodded once

    Satisfied, Whysper exhaled, and that was all.



  • Dies a heroic death and is mourned by all.

    As Whysper closed her eyes, I felt the brush of her soul leaving its body, and I knew she was gone. Edward must have known as well, for he laid her down gently, smoothing her hair back from her face.

    "You didn't fail."

    The words were almost inaudible. Donna and her children were locked in a tight embrace, oblivious to everything save their own grieving. They didn't hear.

    Only I did, just as I was the only one who saw the single tear that slid down Edward's cheek before he turned to comfort his family.


    The icky, sticky, overly sappy END


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