One day, at the pad (where else would a Monkees fic be set?), Micky was all alone. It was unusual that the others would leave him alone, but they had recently bought a large playpen so that Micky would not hurt himself doing rabid thing imitations and blowing things up (because that's all Micky does). Mike was out to wander aimlessly on the beach cracking dry jokes, Peter was being kind and sweet to everyone and everything while writing brilliant new lyrics, and Davy was romancing a girl (because everyone knows Davy is a randy scouse git).

On the day I speak of, Micky had brilliantly invented a new device to pull him up out of the playpen and towards the door to open it, never mind the fact he could have easily stepped out of his pen. Nevertheless, he had been so crushed by Mike's cruel attitude, which Peter had been too weak-minded to fight off, that he had entirely forgotten that he could do so.

All Mike-bashing and Peter-teasing aside, getting back to the actual plot: Micky was all alone. He has just used his amazing device to get out of the playpen and to the door when there was a knock. Using the amazing machine to open the door, Micky opened the door to reveal..

A beautiful girl (what did you expect?).

But she was not just beautiful. Within seconds of taking in her bright blue eyes, blonde hair, evenly tanned skin, great smile with pearly white teeth, big red lips, tiny waist, ample curves, and tall legs, Micky instantly knew that this was his soulmate and that he would never love another woman as long as he lived, never mind his beautiful girlfriend who was pregnant with his kid.

Just he shook out of his stupor and reached for the phone to break up with his girlfriend, the beautiful girl pulled him back. "Don't break up with your girlfriend. You should do the right thing!"

And instantly, Micky fell in love with her great heart. And so, he begged her to tell him more about herself, in her smooth, melodious voice. She blushed, and he fell in love with her modesty as she began to explain her life to him.

"I was born a simple girl. I was poor, and worked most of my life hidden from the law in a child labor factory. I earned all the money to keep my family of fifteen brothers and sisters, my mother, father, aunt, uncle, three cousins who suffer a joint terminal illness, grandmother, grandfather, and our family potbellied pig. My grandmother had a stroke when I was two and I got out of my crib and operated on her with only a plastic teething ring and a bottle liner. That was when I knew I wanted to be a doctor so that I could save humanity.

"But my first love, after feeding the poor, was music, which is why I'm drum player for my own band. I love dancing too, so I'm a ballet dancer. I've always had a knack for the arts, and a few of my paintings are in the Museum Of Modern Art. But most of all, I love being alive. The ocean is so spiritual, and perfect. That, and I used to be a cheerleader. But it's not much. I would hate to sound like I bragged. We all are equal."

And Micky instantly fell to his knees and asked the girl to marry him. But the girl told him no, and Micky was crushed. He was about to jump out the window when he remembered that he was on the first floor. The beautiful girl pulled him over and explained to Micky why she could not marry him.

"My father left my mother when I was two because they had problems. I was also in an abusive relatonship. I'm afraid I might hurt you if I was to give away my heart."

And Micky instantly wanted to avenge the evil men in her life. Yet, she pulled him back. "Violence is not the answer."

And he (you guessed it) fell in love with...well, no, actually, he began to think about how good she and Peter would get along. And he instantly became jealous of Peter's hippy ways. He was so jealous, that when Peter came back to the pad, Micky jumped him and began to strangle him for the love of the beautiful girl. Peter just sat there, stunned (and only partially conscious). This was when Micky remembered that violence was not the answer and got up.

"Please forgive me, most beautiful kind, loving, spiritual, righteous, peaceful, perfect girl."

"Oh course I forgive you!" She gave him a kiss on the cheek, and he promptly fainted.

Meanwhile, Peter was falling in love with the perfect girl. He began to write her poetry, but she declined it. At this moment, Micky woke up and he went with Peter to jump out of the window (him for embarrassing himself in front of the beautiful girl and Peter for her refusal of his poetry), until they remembered they were on the first floor.

Meanwhile, the beautiful girl, named Mary Sue, began to notice the problem she was causing in their friendship and was going to leave, when Mike walked in.

His jaw instantly dropped and Mike instantly fell in love with Mary Sue. He felt the need to impress her, and so, performed an amazing series of gymnastics he could never have normally done (so, is she a veela or is he under the imperious curse? *smile at HP fans*). After falling over in pain, Mike passed out, and Peter and Micky made no attempt to awaken him, but tried to better his gymnastic feats.

Five minutes later, once the three Monkees lay all passed out in pain, Mary Sue was just about to sneak out when Davy came in through the door and developed stars in his eyes so big that he clenched his eyes, screaming in pain. His scream woke Micky, Mike, and Peter, who began to fight over who got to wed Mary Sue. Davy simply wept in the corner.

Meanwhile, Mary Sue left the house at a neck-breaking pace, but none of the guys saw her, because they had all been punched out, 'cept for Davy, who still had abnormally large stars in his eyes.

Suddenly, they all awoke to the tender care of Mary Sue...and Mary Sue and Mary Sue and Mary Sue!

"I'm a quadruplet!" said one of the Mary Sues. And all the Monkees sighed happily, 'cept for Davy who screamed one last piercing scream and died from abnormally large stars.

Which was fine, because Mr. Babbit came in and fell in love with Mary Sue.

And so, Micky and Mary Sue, Peter and Mary Sue, Mike and Mary Sue, and Mr. B and Mary Sue all wed on the same day, and lived in the same house and Mr. B and the old Monkees formed a band called the Groovin' Hipsters, and never made it big, but they all had a Mary Sue so they were happy.

And all was well, until the Mary Sue's family came to visit...but that's another story...

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