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By Tenchi Kaze
One person in particular seemed very taken with Aryana: Harry Potter. At another table, however, another person wasn't as thrilled as everyone else about Aryana's arrival. Ever since he'd seen the American transfer student on the train, he knew there was something not quite right about her. He just couldn't put his finger on what it was. She seemed perfect. Maybe that's what's wrong with her: she seems a bit TOO perfect, thought Draco Malfoy. He had also noticed that Harry Potter, his boyfriend in secret, had been looking in a different direction that day. Normally, the Boy Who Lived would shoot smiles over towards the Slytherin table when no one was looking. Draco always smiled back. But today, his smiles were directed at the new girl. Draco's eyes narrowed. Watch yourself, Aryana Kaze, Draco thought. As if in response, Aryana looked towards him and flashed a sweet smile. He almost smiled back, but shook his head, getting rid of the urge quickly. Yeesh! She has some sort of supernatural power! Almost like a veela! But even part-veela are always blonde; she is a brunette. I don't get it. All throughout the dinner, Draco pondered to himself, poking at his food, and scowling in the new girl's general direction.
"Harry, love. You seem disinterested tonight. What's wrong?" Draco asked that night, during his "Back To School Welcoming" for Harry (in bed!). Both lay naked behind the curtains of Harry's four-poster bed. Draco had his arms around Harry's waist, but Harry hadn't return the embrace. "I don't know, Draco. This just doesn't seem as, well, magical as it used to," replied Harry. "Don't tell me you've lost interest in sex over the summer!" Draco gasped mockingly. Harry half-laughed and said, "No, I loved tonight. But right now, you just don't seem like the, well, ONE I want to be with." Now Draco gasped for real. "Are you breaking up with me?!" "Not officially. Just give me some time, okay?" Harry answered. Draco silently nodded, got out of the bed, put his clothes back on, and sneaked back to the Slytherin dorm. Once back in his own bed, Draco said to himself, "Okay. SOMETHING is definitely wrong here, and I intend to find out what it is!"
In only a week, Aryana Kaze had established quite a reputation. She got high marks in every class. All the teachers favored her (even *gasp* Snape!). She got along well with people from all houses, including Slytherin (a feat not to be rivaled, for sure). Her talents ran from programming a muggle VCR to being able to levitate herself in Charms class (which was supposed to be impossible!). Harry had been noticeably ogling at her. No one seemed to dislike her, except one person: Draco Malfoy. Once word got back to Draco that Aryana was actually starting to tutor Hermione, something inside of him snapped. I knew it! I knew she was too perfect! Draco thought to himself during lunch one day. His better judgement gone for a nice holiday, Draco stood after he finished eating and walked over to the Gryffindor table. Aryana was talking to Harry when Draco tapped her on the shoulder. She turned gracefully to face him. Draco almost blushed, when he remembered he had to fight the supernatural power she seemed to have. "Something I can help ya with?" Aryana replied in her sweet Southern accent. "Yeah. I know something you can do for me. Fuck off," hissed Draco. Those in hearing range gasped at Draco's comment towards this girl who certainly didn't deserve it. "Wha-- What did you say?" Aryana stuttered, almost angrily. "Read my lips! FUCK OFF! I don't care if you're picture-perfect! There's something not right about you! So leave Harry the hell alone!" Draco yelled. Before he could get much further, Snape grabbed him and took him back to his office.
Draco ended up with three weeks' detention for his little outburst. But what got his goat most was what Snape told him when issuing his sentence: "She's just a new student. Why do you have to be so hard on her?" Draco thought to himself in his dorm later, Since when has Snape gotten defensive of any student outside of Slytherin?! Wait! That's it! I know who she is now! And now that I know, I will stop her. At any cost.
After an awe-inspiring display of levitation, Aryana returned to the sixth-year girls' dorm. She was about to brush out her luxurious hair when she saw a letter sitting on her bed. Curious, she opened it. The letter read: Dear Miss Kaze, Because of your outstanding performance at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, we at the Daily Prophet wish to have an interview with you. Simply check the "Yes" or "No" box at the end of this letter to respond. If you accept, meet the interviewer in the Astronomy Tower at midnight tomorrow night.
Sincerely, "Why, how nice of them! I'd adore bein' in their lil' old newspaper!" said Aryana. She grabbed her peacock feather quill and checked the "Yes" box. The letter rolled up by itself and disappeared in a puff of green smoke.
In the Slytherin dorm, a certain boy who wanted his boyfriend back laughed as Aryana's reply landed in his lap. "She fell for it. I knew she would be too nice to say no! Now, I will reveal her true form."
Aryana sat in the Astronomy Tower the following night, waiting for the interviewer to arrive. He soon did. A handsome fellow he was indeed. About 20. Black hair. Maybe a little on the skinny side, but he looked better that way. "You're Aryana Kaze?" asked the interviewer. "Why, yes I am!" replied Aryana cheerfully. "I'm Taylor Komodo. I'll be doing your interview tonight," said Taylor.
After about an hour of normal questions, Aryana had begun to hit on Taylor. He didn't seem all that adverse to her, so she kept going. Eventually, Taylor agreed to just "screw the interview and get back to your bed!" And back to Aryana's dorm they went. Once there, Aryana began to pull off her clothes, in an accidentally seductive way. Once she was down to her pink frilly underwear and WonderBra, Taylor grabbed her arm and pulled her close. "T-Taylor!" Aryana exclaimed, hoping to not wake up the other slumbering people in the room. Taylor's face began moving towards hers. Her eyes closed, anticipating the soft kiss that most certainly would come. SLAP! Aryana fell to the floor, her cheek red from the impact of Taylor's hand. Out of his pocket, Taylor pulled his wand. He pointed it at himself and there was a bright flash and a loud crack sound. Everyone in the dorm woke up from the intensity of the light. People from other dorms (both male and female) began coming inside to see what the source of the crack had been. Where Taylor had stood was Draco Malfoy. "An old disguise spell my father taught me," said Draco. He continued, raising his voice for all to hear, "I want everyone around me to hear this! Aryana is not what she seems!" Gasps and murmurs went through the growing crowd of confused Gryffindors. "She has warped not only my boyfriend, but the whole school!" shouted Draco, not caring if the general populace discovered he was gay. He turned to Aryana, and continued, "I know who you are, and there's only one way to reveal that: by showing you that you can't get everyone under your little finger. Aryana Kaze doesn't exist. Only you do, MARY SUE!" The crowd went into an uproar at Draco's accusation. Every student in Gryffindor was crowded either inside the dorm or outside in the corridor, and they had all heard what Draco said. Ary, er, Mary Sue smiled. "So," she said, "you've found me out. I'll admit, I'm surprised. I suppose I've underestimated the Harry Potter universe." She stepped to the open window. "But I'm not finished yet." She jumped... ...but Mary Sue didn't hit the ground. As she fell, she began to transform. Before actually hitting the ground, she spread her new pair of red wings and flew high. Mary Sue had turned into a red dragon. She was so cool, the most of the students said, "Wow! Awesome!" "Knock it off, stupid Gryffindors!" Draco yelled. He grabbed the broom of a random girl that lived in the dorm, and flew out the window after Mary Sue-Dragon. She responded by blasting fireballs at Draco, which took all of Draco's strength to avoid. There's only one way to defeat Mary Sue, and that's to call out the name of the author controlling her. But who is the author? Draco pondered. He called out between dodging the fireballs, "Does anyone know who's writing this fanfiction?!" No one answered, until a blur on a broom zipped out the window to join Draco on the battlefield. "Harry!" said Draco. "Draco, I'm so sorry! I didn't know she was Mary Sue! If I had, I would have..." Harry launched into a longwinded apology to Draco. "Thanks. I love you to. Now if you don't mind," Draco dodged another fireball, "could you tell me who's writing this crappy fic?!" Harry quickly whispered in Draco's ear, before flying back to the window. Draco smirked and Mary Sue-Dragon got a nervous look in her eyes. "Now I know who you really are! You're Tenchi Kaze!" shouted Draco. Mary Sue-Dragon roared in pain and stopped moving. "More specifically, Eryn D******!" With that last utterance, Mary Sue-Dragon burst in a massive explosion of pretty colors that had the Gryffindors going, "Oo! Ahh!" "Quit that!" Harry yelled at the other students. When the explosion had finished, Draco spiraled down towards a trembling form lying on the charred grass. He tapped her shoulder, and she looked up at him. She was pudgier than Mary Sue; her brown hair wasn't as long and had a case of the frizzies; she had seaweed green eyes, acne, and pale skin. "You're the real author," Draco stated. "Yeah, I am," Eryn answered, the Southern accent gone, and in its place a more generic one. "I came from Canada, not the U.S.A. My marks are pretty good, but not the best. I like Math and Computers best, and I suck at Social Studies. I'm a major fan of anime, the HP books, yaoi, and...DRACO-SAMA!!!!!!" she squealed, glomping the blond Slytherin. "Gerroffame! Harry, love! Helpf mrre!! I crran't breafh!" Draco exclaimed. Eventually, Harry came down to pry the crazy fangirl off of Draco. "Time for you to go home, don't you think?" suggested Harry. "Not before I get you too!" Eryn yelled, jumping Harry as she had Draco. One crowbar from Hammerspace later, Eryn waved good-bye and "POOF!" she disappeared. After Eryn's departure, Draco and Harry looked into each other's eyes. "Forgive me, my bittersweet dragon?" Harry asked, pulling himself close to Draco. "Your already forgiven, my green lightning," Draco said softly. Closer and closer their faces went until their lips met. They took in the sweetness of each other, the kiss getting deeper. Harry tried to pull back and breath, but Draco took this opportunity to slip his tongue into Harry's mouth. The passion mounted until the sound of something above them drove them to break apart (reluctantly) and look up. The sound turned out to be the Gryffindors in the room they had come out of. They were all either hooting and hollering from entertainment, or gasping and turning away from what they thought was a most sinful act. "Uh, hi!" Harry said to the Gryffindors. "One last favor, Eryn!" Draco called out. Eryn fell from the sky and on top of Draco. She latched onto his arm and asked, "You called?" "It would be helpful if you did a memory-wipe on these people up until the first day of school," said Draco. "Anything for my dear Draco-sama! Dai suki!" Eryn squealed. "Help! Air! Can't! Reach! Lungs!"
It was the first day of school. There were no transfer students. Nothing was anymore unusual than it should have been. All of Harry's smiles were directed at Draco, and Draco always smiled back. Life was good again.
I know! This is a blatant self-insert! But I needed it to show the evils of Mary Sue fics! Besides, I got to glomp Draco and Harry, didn't I? What girl WOULDN'T want to jump those bishiest of bishounen???!!! And yes, my real name is Eryn. R & R appreciated, though I expect I'll get more criticism (mainly for the writing of lower quality than usual and possibly the slash) than praise for this one! Thanks in advance for any comments, should you choose to do so!
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