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By Sorciere
Day 1: Meet Mary Sue "No! No way! I'm not doing it! There's no way I'm gonna share a room with a Mary Sue!" Bobby yelled and took a solid grip on the door. Logan and Scott exchanged a look. "Yes, you are!" Scott said sternly. "The faster Mary Sue gets her little adventure, the faster we can get rid of her." "No, no, no, no! Don't make me, pleeeeeeeeeease don't make me," Bobby whined and held on to the door even tighter. "Sorry about this, bub," Logan said and forced Bobby's fingers loose from the door. With their combined efforts, Logan and Scott managed to get Bobby to move again. "No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooo..." Bobby's screams faded in the distance as the three of them headed for the Professor's office. Jubilee and St. John followed him with their eyes. "Normally I wouldn't say this but...poor Bobby!" Jubilee said. St. John nodded. "Yeah. But he's kinda lucky," he said. Jubilee raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "What??" St. John shrugged. "At least it's only for a few days." Jubilee sighed and headed down the hallway. "C'mon. Let's get outta here before Mary Sue shows up."
Outside Professor Xavier's office, Bobby doubled his efforts to get away. Desperately, he tried to ice the door, but found that it was no sweat for Scott to melt the ice. As they stepped through the door, Bobby drove his heels into the floor and Logan had to use his claws to get the boy to walk the last, fatal steps. The Professor sighed as he saw the scene. "Robert, I am truly sorry about this, but you knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. We've all been through more times than we care to remember," he explained. Logan and Scott managed to place Bobby in a chair, and placed themselves on either side just in case the kid tried another crazy stunt. "Now, Robert, I would like you to meet Rowan Catharina Alexandria LeFey, codenamed Huntress." Somehow Xavier managed to say this without sighing. Bobby whimpered in the chair. The door opened and in stepped the most perfect creature ever to grace the world with her presence. She was about Rogue's height with long, thick, jet-black hair with just the faintest trace of gold, thus making it almost glowing. Her eyes were deep purple with a silvery ring around the iris and her skin was like porcelain. "Hello," she breathed as she saw Bobby, "I am Rowan. You must be Robert Drake." Her voice was like a thousand silver bells and her black leather clothes fit her perfect figure like she'd been poured into them. Around her lingered the scent of flowers. Bobby was close to crying and sent the Professor a pleading look. The older man just sighed and looked at the boy with pity. "Rowan can fly; she is telepathic, telekinetic, can predict the future, has adamantium claws, a healing factor and can control the weather. Besides that, she has a black belt in seven kinds of martial arts, mastered the art of fencing, is a doctor, can speak Russian, Korean, German, and French, plays the flute, is an excellent cook -- oh, yes, and then she's a talented singer," the Professor said. During the introduction, Bobby listened with a growing sense of panic. At the words "talented singer" the boy tried to jump out of the chair, but Scott stopped him. Logan sent Bobby a look that said 'I'm really sorry," and then he and Scott hurried out the door. Rowan looked at Bobby and smiled a beautiful, sweet smile with her perfect red lips. "Robert, you will be sharing a room with Rowan. And please give her a tour on the school, too," Xavier said. "You may leave now." Bobby's eyes widened in horror as Rowan grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the door. During the hour the tour took, Rowan managed to fix the broken Blackbird (which had worked perfectly the day before), catch Magneto who'd escaped from jail, beat the crap out of four Sentinels, make Sabretooth see the errors of his way and join the X-Men, convince Senator Kelly that mutants is a Good Thing, and still had the time to make a delicious chocolate cake before her scheduled Danger Room session. Bobby exchanged a horrified look with his fellow students. They all knew this was only the beginning.
The Danger Room Session/Obligatory Jean-Reads-Her-Mind-Scene The X-gang stood in the control-room and watched Rowan's session, just as they were supposed to. "So lemme get this straight: that's a Mary Sue?" Sam asked. This was his first encounter with a Mary Sue, and he didn't exactly enjoy it. "Yep," Logan said and nodded. Meanwhile on the floor, Rowan sent a Sentinel flying through the air. "An' we're just supposed to stand here an' admire her as she beats all the Danger Room records?" Sam inquired as another Sentinel met its doom. "Yes," Jean admitted. Pause. "Why?" Sam finally asked and scratched his neck. Collective sigh. "Well... She's a Mary Sue," Scott tried to explain. "She is her writer's way to be part of our universe." "She's here so her writer can play a hero an' pretend to be admired by everyone," Rogue clarified as Rowan finished the last of her enemies and made her way to the control room. The door opened and Rowan -- utterly beautiful, even after a hard fight -- entered the room. Storm nudged Jean, and the telepath stepped closer with a sigh. "Well, Rowan, that was a very impressive demonstration," she said and lifted her hands. "Now, if you would try to relax..." Jean concentrated on Rowan's mind but gasped and stepped back as if she'd been burned. Scott, knowing what was coming, quickly reached out to support her. "What happened, darling?" he asked, worried. "Such pain, Scott...I've never felt anything like it. I don't know how anyone could have survived that," Jean managed to say. Kitty glared at Rowan and snorted soundlessly. Jubilee stifled a giggle. Under not-very-much urging from the X-team, Rowan finally explained that she had seen her family tortured and killed by ninjas when she was five.
At age six she'd been taken under the protective wings of a certain "Duncan MacLeod." The X-gang looked at each other for a long moment, then Bobby started to bang his head against the wall. And thus the first day went.
Day 2: And Things Get Even Worse... The day started rather abruptly as the X-team had to find Logan and Rogue, who, at some point during the night, had made a run for it on Cyke's bike. The runaways were halfway to Canada when the team managed to stop them and bring them back to the school -- with the two escapees fighting all the way. "Ah'm not goin' back!" Rogue yelled and clung to a tree. Logan was apparently of the same mind, as he dug his claws deep into the frozen ground and refused to move. "Jeannie, you can't do this to us," Logan said. "Can't you at least let us go for Marie's sake?" He practically begged -- something the Wolverine very rarely did. "Yeah, Dr. Grey! Ya saw into her mind yesterday, ya know how horrible her memories are. Ah'm not gonna touch her! Ah don't wanna! Ain't it enough that ya saw how much pain she'd been through?" Rogue argued and held on to the tree for dear life. Jean and Scott exchanged a look and sighed. Why am I feeling a deja vu? Scott wondered and shook his head. "Rogue, listen to me. If we're careful we can prevent that she 'accidentally' touches you, and you know that Rowan will find a way for you to touch Logan," Jean explained carefully. Logan pulled his claws out of the ground and pointed them at Jean. "Listen up! Marie says she ain't goin' back, so she ain't goin' back! Now which part of that doncha understand?" "'Sides, her miraculous cure only lasts 'till she leaves or dies -- an' she'll only be here for a few days," Rogue sniffled. "But a few days are better than no days," Scott remarked. Rogue and Logan exchanged a look and very reluctantly they made their way to the newly repaired Blackbird. Logan turned around. "But ya owe us big time for this, Jeannie!" he growled.
As they returned to the school, they found that Rowan was already up and running, much to Bobby's irritation. She had also made some delicious breakfast to the entire school, redecorated the dining hall and finally, almost as an afterthought, it turned out she made the best damn coffee the team had ever tasted. Bobby looked at his watch. 8.30 a.m. "Ummm...Rowan? Shouldn't you be training now? I mean, with all of your powers..." he tried -- in vain, as it turned out. "Of course not!" Rowan said with her enchanting voice. "I'm Rowan Catharina Alexandria LeFey! I don't to train...I just use a spell to make sure I'm perfect!" Bobby just looked at her. "Spell?" "Yes, silly! I'm Morgan LeFey's grand-grand-grand daughter!" Rowan explained with adorable patience Collective groan. "Great," Jean muttered. "This one can't even calculate!" "Well, either that, or people in her family lives for a very, very long time," Storm said. "Not if she even considers touching me!" Rogue grumbled. Jean sent Rogue "The Look" and the latter sighed. "Yeah, yeah. Ah know -- 'No killing, beating, cutting, freezing, magnetizing, phasing, blasting, choking, dropping, drowning, kicking, absorbing, zapping, hitting or burning the Mary Sue of the Week,'" she said as she counted on her gloved fingers. Jean sent her another look, and Rogue rolled her eyes. "Ah'll behave, Ah promise -- as long as she stays far 'way from me!" Jean sighed and shook her head. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Kitty, Sam and St. John try to sneak away. She telekinetically closed the door they were heading for and sent them a mental reprimand. This was going to be a looooooooooooooong day...
The Unofficial Emergency Meeting/Mary-Sue-Is-Kidnapped-But-Escapes Scene/Sinister (Or Other Bad Guy) Is-Planning-To-Take-Over-The-World Scene "I can't take it anymore!!!" Bobby wailed. He was lying on a couch in the rec room, temporarily safe from Rowan, who had been kidnapped by Mr. Sinister but would escape in about half an hour. Kitty and Jubilee exchanged a look. Kitty found a tissue and handed it to the wailing X-student. "It's okay, Bobby. It'll only be for a few more day," she tried to comfort him. Bobby sniffled and blew his nose. "But it's so horrible!" he whined. "Yeah, and it could be much worse," Jubilee added. "No way! That would not be humanly possible!" Bobby denied. "No, but it was godly possibly. Remember that Marty Stu I had to hang out with a few months ago? The one with the gold and silver hair?" she asked. "The one that called himself the fourth Summers' brother AND Gambit's long lost twin?" Bobby asked and dried his eyes. "That's the one. He turned out to be the incarnation of an Egyptian God. Beat that, Popsicle Boy!" Jubilee said and stuck out her tongue. "How about that one Jean met? The one that was the male counterpart to the Phoenix? He was REALLY bad!" Kitty said. "Yeah. Poor Jean," Jubilee agreed. "More like 'poor Cyclops.' That Mary Sue -- the one with the pet dragon -- who made him leave Jean, was like a nightmare come true," St. John said from the door. "We having an emergency meeting?" he asked. "Kind of," Kitty said. "Bobby needed some serious support." "Oh," St. John said and grabbed a chair. "You still hanging on in there, Bobby?" He asked. Bobby sighed. "I try...but I just want to--" "Beat the crap outta her," Logan finished as he and Rogue found their way to the room. "Yeah," Bobby admitted. Logan sat down heavily on a couch. Rogue sat down beside him. "Ya sure yer okay, Wolvie?" she asked. "Yeah, yeah," Logan said and flexed his arm where the shadow from a nasty mark could be seen. Moments later the mark was completely gone. "Gee, man, that looked bad. What happened?" Jubilee asked. "The obligatory 'Mary Sue Versus Wolverine In The Danger Room' scene," Rogue explained. Bobby winced. "Ouch!" "Yeah," Kitty agreed. "Wait? Isn't Mary Sue trapped in Sinister's Cave Of Evil?" St. John asked. Jubilee sighed. "Since when did a Mary Sue worry about continuity?" "Hey, Rogue, did you manage to stay clear of her?" Kitty asked. "So far, yeah -- but that also means she hasn't found a way for me to touch yet." "Poor Rogie," Jubilee sympathized. Rogue sighed. "That's not the bad part. The bad part was that we had to sit through a two-hour meetin' just because Mary Sue wanted to tell us all, that she, too, was experimented on, just like Wolvie. An' that she's the daughter of Magneto's second wife, an' that she was hidden to protect her from her father." "Poor Magneto." "Not to mention that she's Remy's lover in a parallel universe." "Poor Gambit." Logan growled. "I don't care what the rules say. Some day I'm gonna take that little Mary Sue and I'm gonna..." "Treat her nice so she'll leave soon," Jean interrupted and glared at Logan. Logan growled again, but left it at that. Jean, Scott and Storm entered the room. "How are you doing, Bobby?" Scott asked worried. Bobby sighed. "I'll live." Jean tilted her head, as if listening to something. "Uh, uh. Everyone better be ready. Mary Sue alert in five...four...three...two...one..." *SLAM!* The door almost flew off its hooks. Rowan, looking adorable as ever, hurried into the room, her black leather clothes fitting perfectly and her long, glowing, black-and-gold hair fell in soft waves around her face. "Sinister is planning to take over the world!" she said. Her voice was now hard as steel, but it still held its enchanting echo of silver bells. It was like sweet golden honey over sandpaper, both calming and awe-inspiring at the same time. "When isn't he?" St. John whispered. Miffed giggles were heard from various team members. "We must stop him," Scott said, with an amazing lack of enthusiasm. "Oh, great! Ya know, I'm not officially a member of the team, so I'll just..." Logan tried and headed for the door. "Oh, no, you don't," Scott hissed. "If we're stuck with her, so are you!" Logan was about to tell Scooter exactly what he thought about that idea, but Rowan interrupted him. Not on purpose, of course -- her manners were perfect, after all. "Oh, I could never ask that of you!" she exclaimed. "Can we get that on paper, sugah?" Rogue mumbled. Rowan just continued. "After all, this is my fight. It is me he is after!" Rowan explained. "Oh! This is where I'm supposed to ask 'why,' right?" Sam asked, earning a very badly concealed grin from Jubilee. Rowan just continued her rant. "I was the reason why so many of his plans have failed! He knows I'm the only one who can stop him. If you were to go after him, he would kill all of you! You don't realize how powerful he is! He could..." The gang shared one collective thought: Oh, no!
Half an hour later...
Bobby half sat, half lay on one of the couches, snoring loudly. And Rowan continued her speech. "So as you understand, I must face him alone, even if it means my own death. I can't let him go through with his evil plan! I will stop him...or I will die trying! And so I bid you farewell!" Scott and Jean sat up, eyes wide open. She was leaving? Finally? Rowan stood in front of them, a heroic martyr willing to sacrifice her life for the greater good, an inspiration to people all over the galaxy. "Oh, but then...good luck!" Scott said with a very big grin and shook her hand. "Huh?" Bobby asked confused and opened his eyes. "Mary Sue is leav-- I mean, she is going risk her life to fight Sinister," Jean explained. "Great! I mean -- that's horrible!" He quickly corrected himself and fought the urge to grin stupidly. "About time," Logan grumbled and got up. "Yeah. Have a nice trip, sugah!" "Ciao, Rowan!" "Bye!" "And ya don't hafta hurry back!" "No, take a loooong vacation now you're at it!" Rowan sighed theatrically -- an endearing sigh, yet filled with determination. "Goodbye, dear friends!" She said and flew gracefully out of the window, her long hair catching the sunlight as a golden light embraced her. The team shared a look. "Finally!" Jean said and sat down. General agreement. "You know," Scott said, "She is going to fly to Sinister's Cave Of Evil and challenge him to a fight." "Yeah. Poor guy. No one deserves to go through that," Logan said. Jean lifted an eyebrow. "Not even Sinister?" "Not even Sinister!"
Epilogue: Mr. Sinister's Cave Of Evil, later that day "I am Rowan Catharina Alexandria LeFey! I am here to stop your evil plans!" "AAAAAAAAAAGHH!!! GET HER AWAY FROM ME!!!!"
(Hmmmm...anyone want to buy a slightly used Mary Sue?)
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