By Faux Boon
It was Mary Sue's first day in the Digi-world, and it had been relatively enjoyable so far. She had vanquished several evil Digimon using the in-training form of her fuzzy little pal, whose name was Foximon. But some weird old dude had appeared out of nowhere and advised her to meet up with the rest of the Digi-destined and then disappeared before she could even tell him her name. So, a few days later, when she finally ran into the little group camped out in the middle of the wilderness, she was ready to dazzle them with her innate amazingness. "Hi everyone, I'm Mary Sue! I know we'll be wonderful friends, and if I die, you'd cry at my funeral, even if you just met me! I talk in all exclamation marks because of my naturally cheery perkiness that makes everyone like me! So guys, and girls, aren't I hot? Aren't I completely amazing? Love me!" She had this beeootiful blonde hair and these eyes that changed color with her mood and somehow conveyed mysteriousness, sadness, cheerfulness, and openness all at the same time! And she was tall, with pneumatic breasts! Yamato blearily rubbed at his eyes, looked, scratched, then looked again. "Yup, she's still there," he muttered to himself. Then, louder, "Look, could you come back after I've had my morning coffee and cigarette? We're not morning people here." Oh, did I forget to mention that they're all older in this fic so that Mary Sue can have sex with every attractive male in the vicinity and somehow avoid being called a total slut? Oops, I just gave away the plot. Anyway, Mary Sue was saying: "Hi, Yamato! I know your name because of a psychic connection I have with you because you're an angsty bishounen that everyone loves and so am I, except for the angsty bishounen that everyone loves part! But anyway, I'll make breakfast with you using food and utensils and a kitchen that I pull out of Plot-Hole (TM) bag right here!" Tai felt sort of funny. "Sora, what does love feel like? Does it feel like a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach?" She looked at him. "No Tai, that's your bladder telling your brain you have to pee. Go find a convenient tree far away from camp and do so." She then turned back to her morning coffee. Mary Sue might be annoying, but she brewed one mean hazelnut mocha freeze. Meanwhile, Mary Sue was talking to Yamato. "Yamato, we're destined to have sex with each other! Wanna just go do it now?" Matt stared at her, speechless. After perhaps a twenty second pause, "Are you feeling okay?" She wasn't listening. She was already trying the same improbable story on his little brother. After all, if you can't get an Ishida, a Takaishi is the next best thing, no? But he said to her, "I don't know what your problem is, but it's probably difficult to pronounce." Then, a surprisingly feminine shriek tore itself from Tai's mouth. Agumon had fallen asleep because of a Plot Contrivance (TM) and Tai was attacked by a large, foul-smelling Digimon who he had been in the process of writing his name on. Using her super-sonic speed, Mary Sue got there before everyone else (thus ensuring that she got a look at Tai with his pants down) and posed dramatically before saying, "This man is my friend even though we haven't even said two words to each other yet and I will not allow you to harm him! Foximon, go get this bad guy." As she posed, something amazing happened: her crest of Perfection broke and she suffered a heart attack. Jyou, Koushiro, Mimi, and Sir Not Appearing in this Mary-Sue Parody got out of the monster costume. They looked at the corpse at the short-lived girl named Mary Sue. "Eh." Said Mimi. Everyone nodded, and they shoved her corpse into a ditch.
A/N: Sorry it's so short, but I couldn't take her anymore. Would you like to review and tell me how bad I am? By all means, do. The same applies to compliments, by the way. I'm not masochistic.
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