This is my first and most likely my last attempt at a MiSTing. I only plan to make another attempt if I get at least two good remarks and zero death threats. Of course if you throw a llama into the deal we might be able to work something out. This MiSTing is different than most other MiSTings as it includes Timmy as part of the team. If I don't follow this MiSTing up I'll tell anyone who wants to know how I intended to give Timmy a grand return.
<Insert Nifty Theme Song Here>
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...
[SOL]
A dark black-gray crow-like bot comes on screen
Timmy: Er.. hello, whoever you are. Have you seen Crow?
Mike: Tom come quick Crow's forgotten who I am again and is sporting a new black-gray paint job!
Tom: (Running in from off camera) What?!? Stay away from Mike, you evil demon, he's not for you!
Timmy: (In a Darth Vader voice) Come join me Mike, join me on a dark shopping spree.
Tom: He'll never join you. Do you hear me? NEVER!!
Mike: Well actually it sounds kinda fun, but Crow, where are we going?
Timmy: Well Mike where do YOU want to go today?
Tom: Argh!! (Tom tackles Timmy)
(Crow walks up next to Mike)
Crow: Hi Mike.
Mike: Oh hi Crow (does a double-take) Er.. we'll be right back.
<Insert Commercial Break Here>
[SOL]
Crow: So you see Mike, not long after I returned here, I got lonely and wished for a friend. Then Timmy showed up again.
Mike: I don't get it, according to Tom, Timmy is an evil dark spectre who's whole goal in life was to destroy Crow.
Timmy: No, I only wanted to tear Crow's head off. Tom's the one I wanted to kill. Besides, I went to therapy and 4 out of 5 dentists agree that I'm all better now. I guess I was just tired of standing as Crow's shadow.
Tom: Shouldn't that be IN Crow's shadow?
Timmy: No.
Mike: Quiet-Huey, Duey, and Louie are calling!
[On the planet D13b in the Hhrank solar system]
Pearl: Well, Mike, I was hoping to send you the rumored transcribed version of Manos to send you, but I guess you lucked out.
All: Phew!
Pearl: However I did find this nice little go-nowhere story that apparently takes place in the Marvel X-Men universe, but really has nothing to do with it.
Timmy: Well that sounds like loads of fun, but shoot, I'm late for my therapy session, so I guess I better be going.
Pearl: Not so fast, Jiffy Pop boy, you'll be joining them today. I mean, we can't have you missing out on any of the fun!
Timmy: Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you. I mean if I start laying my eggs in YOUR chest don't act as if I didn't warn you!
Mike: Ahh!! We got net-fic sign!
Timmy: I don't wanna go.. I don't wanna go!
<Insert Random Chaos Here>
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...
<Insert Shadowrama Here>
[Theatre]
Tom: Ow! Timmy bit me!
Timmy: Did not!
Mike: Shhh.. be quiet you two.
Blue Skies (working title)
Timmy: What evil lurks in the hearts of internet writers? Only Crow's shadow knows!
A tale of the Common People
Crow: Yah I like those common people don't you?
Tom: Oh yah. Dem are good people yah.
By Fancy Catz
Tom: I'll have a hat party and mine will be the grandest hat of them all!
"Looks like blue skies ahead."
I nodded and smiled slightly in reply. What could you say in response?
Mike: Don't say anything, just avoid eye contact and slowly back away.
I walked past the fruit stand and continued on to the bus stop.
Timmy: Then I proceeded to walk straight off the cliff.
Crow: We can only hope.
We had gone through the same ritual for four years now.
Mike: Every night we'd sneak out into Mr. Wilson's yard and sign our names in chicken blood. It was just good clean fun.
The old man would open up his fruit stand when the weather turned warmer
Timmy: So this guy's word for pants is "fruit stand"?
Tom: Timmy!
Timmy: What?
Tom: Mike do something?
Mike: Huh?
and on the first really fine day of spring he would always say "Looks like blue skies ahead."
Tom: Then he'd whack me upside the head with a 2x4. That was fun!
He would be there, tending his little stand every day through the spring, the summer and into the fall.
Timmy: I really don't want to be hearing this.
Mike: Now I heard that one Timmy, I think you need a time out.
Timmy: You can't tell me what to do! You aren't my dad! Besides mom only married you for your money and you know it!
Mike: Now don't you talk that way about your mother.
Tom & Crow: Huh?!?
And then when summer started to dwindle away he would smile and say, "We won't have many more days like these." A few weeks later he would be closed for winter and indubitably, the weather would turn colder.
Crow: Then the evil shadow that the fruit man held over me would lift and go away.
Timmy: Hey that sounds just like me!
I only had to wait a moment at the bus stop for a bus to come lumbering up the road.
All: Da, da, dot, another one rides the bus..
I boarded, paid my fare and found an empty seat in the back.
Timmy: Then I stripped naked and harrassed the other passengers.
I had moved to this city four years ago,
Crow: Yet I still couldn't find the bathroom.
and one of my first acquaintances
Tom: With absolute terror!
had been the fruit man. In a way it was comforting to see the same neighbors, day after day.
Crow: I like monotony, it's fun!
And like most older people, he
Tom: ..was as looney as a fruitcake.
had a limited repertoire.
Tom: (as fruit man) Look, are you going to buy fruit or not?
Mike: Ha-ha I love your rustic limited dialect!
Each day the same people would patronize his little stand and you could hear snatches of repeated conversations.
Timmy: Would you like to see my "little stand"?
Tom: Mike will you stop him?
Mike: I didn't see anything wrong with that...
"I just fertilized the lawn.
All: Ewwwwww!!!!
Should be nice-looking next year."
Timmy: That's of course after the rain and snow wash away..
Crow and Tom: TIMMY!!
Mike: Quiet you two! Let Timmy try and enjoy the story..
Tom: ..but..
Timmy: You heard Mike. Be quiet!
"I can't believe your apples are only fifteen cents apiece! I can't find them cheaper anywhere. Things have gotten so expensive these days!"
Crow: I wonder if this has anything to do with the fact that the apples are brownish.
"Michael's lumbago is acting up. Oh, I know what them doctors say, but ain't nothing that treats it so good as my aunt Edna's cure..."
Mike: Poor deluded Joe, he doesn't even have an aunt.
Day in and day out, for a whole season,
Tom: Don't even think of saying anything Timmy!
Timmy: I wasn't going to say anything, honest!
they would flock to the fruit man's stand and complain of their little aches and pains
Tom: Try Nuprin: little, yellow, different.
their little matters, their little lives. And I would get "Looks like blue skies ahead."
Tom: Then he'd hit me with that 2x4 again.
I looked around the bus absently, noting that there were quite a few mutants on board.
Tom: They're like our insect life. Larger of course.
I was originally from a small town, and we hadn't had any mutants there. At least, not any that I had known about. But here, in the 'big city' there were many people easily recognized as mutants by their outlandish appearance.
Crow: So a mutant = teenager?
Tom: Think about it, won't you?
Nobody seemed to care much and they never caused any trouble. Not like those people you saw on TV.
Crow: Of course, TV makes everyone look criminally insane. That and it also makes them look 5 pounds heavier.
When the bus finally reached our destination I stepped off, my heart pounding wildly. I had come to this city four years ago to attend college.
Mike: Later I gave up on that silly dream and became a male stripper.
And today, I was graduating. I was excited and I was frightened. Most of all, I was proud of myself. I took a deep breath and
Crow: Then I pulled out my gun and went on a wild killing spree.
Timmy: That's not the only thing he pulled out!
Mike: Now Timmy don't you think that comment was a tad inappropriate?
Timmy: No.
stepped inside the building to join my classmates.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Timmy: My Gawd it's f...
Crow: Uhh.. Timmy, we've done the stars thing before.
Timmy: Oh.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...
[SOL]
Mike: So what happened after you came back, Timmy?
Timmy: Well after Crow invited me back, we became pals and I've mostly been hanging around his room. Heck, Crow even gave me my new name.
Tom: So if you're not Timmy, then who are you?
Timmy: Grrrrrr
Crow: Tom DON'T ask him that question. Shadows hate that question.
Mike: So what is Timmy called now?
Timmy: (recomposing self) Glad you asked Mike. My name now is Timothy D. Robot.
Tom: I don't care what he calls himself now. Timmy is still a dickweed.
Timmy: Okay, who told the parking meter my middle name!!!
Mike: Calm down Timmy, we've got commercial sign.
<Insert Diet Cola Commercial here>
[Theatre]
Graduation came and went and I got myself a job and settled down. Life went on in an endless cycle of work and sleep.
Crow: ..and even with the endless cycles I still forget to add any fabric softener.
The days just flew by,
Mike: DUCK!!!
and somehow I lost two years of my life.
Tom: Check behind the refrigerator, if you lose something it's nearly always there.
As I walked to the bus stop I realized suddenly just how long I had been doing this mindless
Crow: Mindless fun for everyone!
work/sleep thing and I was irritated at myself for not living *in* my life.
Tom: And so Dr. Beckett leaps from life to life hoping the next leap is the leap home.
I looked around and noticed how blue the sky was. Spring had arrived again. As I passed the fruit man,
Mike: Now, class, today we're going to learn what to do if an assailant attacks you with a banana.
Tom: What if he's got a bunch?
Mike: Shut up!
Crow: What if he's got a pointed stick?
Mike: Shut up!
he peered up at the sky with a frown.
"Nice day," he muttered, without his usual smile.
Timmy: You'd be upset too if you couldn't say your only line anymore.
I nodded in return and passed him. I briefly wondered when he had stopped greeting spring with "Looks like blue skies ahead." I shook my head, knowing it didn't matter.
Tom: Yet somehow, I knew the author would dogmatically stick to this stupid subject for the rest of the story.
And at least it was something new.
Mike: And now for something completely different.
I boarded the bus and took a seat. For once I actually looked around at my fellow bus riders, instead of snapping open my briefcase and working.
Timmy: So briefcase is his word for zipper?
Tom: I give up..
There were fewer mutants then there had been
Tom: Well, at least fewer people who were wearing those stupid "Hi I'm a mutant, please don't hit me!" buttons.
and they all seemed to be sitting lumped together at the front of the bus. I noticed a man across the aisle glaring malevolently at the mutants; when the bus halted at the next stop anda mutant boarded, the man hissed,
Crow: (As Ace Ventura) Do NOT come back here.
"Another one! How many of those damn muties gonna get on our bus?"
All: Da, da, duh, another one rides the bus.
I looked at the mutants again and noticed how ill-at-ease they appeared to be.
Tom: Look, buddy, you'd be ill-at-ease too if you ran around in your underwear!
The new mutant who had just boarded scuttled to a seat like a coachroach
Tom: See?!? I told you they were like our insect life!
caught in the glare of daylight and hunched down, trying to make himself seem as small as possible. I was struck by the tension on the bus but then it passed away. I opened my briefcase and began to work.
Crow: Timmy you're not planning on making a sexual pun here are you?
Timmy: Why little old me?!? Never!
Mike: Okay guys get ready to break on three. 1.. 2.. (bots start to get up)
Wait for it...
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Mike: 3!!
BREAK
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...
[SOL]
Tom: Crow, what could have possesed you to like an evil deranged killer like Timmy on board?
Crow: Well, sure, he does have an evil and sick mind, but at least he hardly ever kills indiscriminately anymore. Besides, I owe him five dollars.
Mike and Timmy enter
Tom: (To Timmy) How come Mike hasn't booted you out of here yet?
Timmy: Didn't you know? I have gained the power to control men's minds! Hahahahha.. ahem Say, Mike. I was wondering don't you and Pearl have some sort of an awesome responsibility that you should be attending to?
Mike: Huh? What are you talking about?
Timmy: Well YOU are the last two humans left alive so shouldn't you be rebuilding the human race as quickly as possible?
Mike: Timmy, I think by letting the human race go extinct, I'm doing a universe a favor.
Tom: You can say that again!
Mike: TOM!!
Tom: What?
<Insert Psychic Moronic Readers Connection Ad Here>
[Theatre]
The summer passed like wildfire and before I knew it the weather had turned cooler and the leaves were changing colors.
Crow: Hmm.. silver, now that's odd..
Soon the fruit man would be packing up for winter. Sure enough, within a few days he nodded to me, then frowned up at the sky.
Tom: Then he shook his fists in the air and said "God, why do you mock me?"
"We won't have any more days like these."
Mike: If that means we won't be getting any more crummy fiction up here, I'm all for it!
I frowned, wondering when he had changed that greeting.
Tom: I really missed getting hit on the head with the 2x4 too!
As I thought over what he had said, I realized it didn't even make sense.
Crow: Much like this net fiction.
I pulled my coat closer around me as the wind picked up.
Mike: (As mom voice) Well at least someone cleans up after themselves around here!
Timmy, Tom, and Crow: Awww, mom.
It was a terrible day, dreary, rainy and cold. The bus took forever to get there and the bus ride took longer than forever.
Crow: Well, it took us infinity plus 1 days to get there!
Tom: Nuh-uh, it took us infinity plus 2 days to get there!
Mike: Just calm down, kids.
I also noticed that there weren't any mutants on the bus...and, as I thought about it, there hadn't been for a while.
Crow: Then again with these darn mental lapses of mine, you can never be too sure.
We finally came to the end of the line
Timmy: Now everybody limbo!
and I got off, walking briskly to my office. I tried to throw myself into my work but
Tom: --but it dodged right out of the way!
the weather was affecting my mood too much. It was
Crow: ..either that or the drugs I had taken that morning.
depressing outside and I felt depressed.
Mike: A logical reaction.
At noon time I noticed a large assembly at one of the windows.
Timmy: The spreadsheets are ganging up again! We're all gonna die!
I absently wandered over and asked what was going on. Silently, a secretary pointed out the window. Below us on the street I could see a large congregation of police cars, all with lights flashing.
Tom: So it's a bunch of police cars that go to church, I don't see what the big deal is!
Several cops had a man pinned to the ground.
Crow: Apparently, they were adding him to their insect collection.
I peered closer. Not a man, I corrected myself, a mutant.
Crow: How can this guy tell whether a person is a mutant or not?
Timmy: I think it's something similar to the way you can figure out a person is gay just by the fact that they won't go out with you.
Mike: Oh that makes sense.. huh?
"What happened?" I asked.
The secretary who had pointed shrugged. "I don't know what that mutie did
Tom: Now is that any way to talk about somebody who can't speak?
Timmy: (Singing) Bad bug, Bad bug, whacha gonna do? Whacha gonna do when the ghost zaps you?
but he came running down the street with all these cops chasing him. About five officers jumped on him and brought him down finally. It was some chase!"
Mike: (As mutant) Can't we just all get along?
Slowly the group started to drift away. The mutant had been secured and the cops had mostly left.
Timmy: Of course one remained to go on a wild killing spree, but I just ignored him.
There was nothing left to see. I wandered back to my desk and turned on the radio, hoping to find out what had happened.
Tom: That, and I was trying to avoid doing any actual work.
But there was no news of the cop chase, only a short report on scientific findings that the mutant gene was linked to things like aggressiveness, dominance and low intelligence.
Crow: It's amazing that a pair of pants can do that much to a person.
Mike: Uh, Crow...
I fiddled around with the knob but there wasn't any news of the chase. I turned the radio off and went back to working.
Tom: It really didn't bother me all that much that the right to freedom of the press had been recalled.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Crow: I have 21; that means I have blackjack!
Tom: Uh, that works with cards not crummy net fiction stars.
Crow: Oh.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...
[SOL]
Mike: Seeing as that we're dealing with a pseudo X-Men story, I thought we might as well talk about what mutant power we'd like to have. Crow, why don't you go first.
Crow: Well, Mike, if I were a mutant, I'd like to have the power to spray icy death from my bloody stumps.
Tom: Well, Mike, if it were up to me, I'd the power to eradicate all evil from the universe. Like that dork Timmy, for starters.
Timmy: You just don't like me because I'm black.
Tom: I don't like you because you're a dickweed.
Timmy: You just don't like me because you're jealous.
Tom: WHAT?!?
Timmy: Yup that's right, 2000 flushes boy, you wanna make something of it?
Tom: Look Tin Man, name one thing that you got on me! Timmy: Okay for starters I've got a much cooler look than you, right Crow?
Crow: Yup, sleek as sleek can be, my brother. <gives Timmy a high five>
Tom: That doesn't count-Crow looks just like him!
Timmy: Does too, dingus!
Mike: Er.. we'll be right back..
<Insert 3000 Flushes Commercial Here
[Theatre]
The next day the fruit guy
Timmy: Is it fruit guy or fruit man? Make up your mind!
had packed up and left for the winter. And not a moment too soon, it appeared. That night, it snowed. And then it snowed again, and again.
Tom: See? What they say about global warming is NOT true!
Four weeks into winter we had a record amount of snow and people were trapped in their houses. People were running out of oil and gas and the trucks couldn't get through.
****
People were angry, they were cold and they were frightened.
Tom: Are you in pain?
Crow: YES!
Tom: Oh, and he's in pain too!
The news was filled with
Timmy: A delicious creamy center!
people blaming the government, blaming mutants.
Crow: Of course nobody dared blame the weather!
It was a long, long winter and the city sighed collectively when spring thaw finally arrived.
All: Sigh
The warm weather took a bit longer to arrive and when it finally did, it brought the fruit man with it.
Mike: Damn, I hate this weather.
Tom: I know what you mean.
A few days after his arrival I stopped and bought a few oranges. As I took my change, I smiled congenially and inquired,
Mike: Do you want fries with that?
Crow: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
Tom: Can you taste the difference between diet Dr. Pepper and regular?
Timmy: What's the difference between an orange?
Mike, Tom, and Crow: Huh?
"Well, are we gonna have blue skies from here on in?"
Crow: I hope not, I can't deal with much more of this net fiction.
He frowned and peered up at the sky. "No, I don't think we will for a long
spell yet." he murmured softly. Something about the way he said it made the
smile fade from my face
Timmy: It was either that, or the fact that those oranges of his were begining to make me sick.
and I headed to the bus stop without another word. Once I was safely on the bus, I opened my newspaper.
Timmy: So newspaper is his word for.. Oh forget it...
The lead story was something about some kind of mutant registration act.
Tom: Make sure to register your mutation now, so we'll be able to kill you at our convenience.
I didn't understand it all but it seemed this act
Mike: Act 2, Scene 1.
had been in place for a while; the government was just expanding it a bit.
Timmy: Boy that goverment sure has a fat actz.
It didn't seem like a big thing, but all around me for the next few weeks it was all people talked about.
Crow: We have very small and petty lives around here.
Everywhere I went people were whispering about it, screaming about it. The news was consumed with it and for weeks it was the only news.
Mike: News and goverment acts, now dem's good eating!
That summer was rather tense and what we all had expected finally happened. The city officials declared they would enforce the act,
Crow: They declared they would commit the act?
Tom: See, Timmy, you're even a bad influence on Crow!
Timmy: Oh sure blame me NOW that I start acting nice...
through whatever means necessary, and they began arresting mutants left and right.
Tom: (Singing) Mutants on the left of me, Mutants on the right, here I am stuck in the middle with you!
Crow: Tom that's lame.. there's no such song!
Tom: (meek voice) sorry.
Two weeks after that announcement, the riots broke out. The city burned for weeks and there was looting.
Mike: (As Smokey the bear) Only YOU can prevent city fires!
People locked themselves inside and prayed that the mutants wouldn't come for them.
Timmy: (Singing) They're coming to take me away ha-ha...
After all, we hadn't done anything to them.
Tom: Nope, not a thing. I mean, we just took away their basic human rights but who cares about them, right?
The weather turned cooler and the governor sent tanks to quell the riots.
Mike: Tanks a lot, govener.
Crow: That was a cheap shot Mike.
Mike: I know, I am so ashamed.
The city began to look like a military base. People were scared to walk down the street, despite the armed guards. Or maybe it was because of the guards.
Timmy: Of course, it might have been because the guards were ordered to shoot anyone walking down the street.
I knew that the fruit guy would be leaving soon.
All: YES!!!
And true enough, a few days later he nodded to me.
Tom: A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat.
"The sunny days are gone for good,"
Mike: Does this mean this story is almost over?
Crow: Woo-hoo!
Tom: Woo-hoo?
Crow: Shut up bone-head!
Tom: The Minbari are a proud race!
Timmy: Huh?
he said quietly, and that night when I walked by his stand on my way home, he had packed up and left. A week later the mutants started a rebellion
Crow: With Jedi Knights and everything!
against the guards in the city. The guards and the mutants were engaged in all-out war, and it was a bloodbath.
Timmy: (Singing) Singing in the bathtub.. la-da-dot-da-dee.
No one knew how it had started, no one cared.
Crow: We just liked shooting things!
People fled as fast as they could, but it wasn't any better anywhere else. The nation was at war.
I stepped from the bus and pulled my coat tighter around my chin
Timmy: Until I choked to death from lack of oxygen.
Crow: We could only hope to be so lucky.
as the cold wind struck me. I trudged home, listening to the sound of gunfire in the distance. I shivered as the wind swirled around me, scattering litter.
Timmy: Then this nude man stepped out of a lightning ball and asked for my clothes.
As I passed the deserted fruit stand I paused. The fruit man had never come back.
Tom: Of course the fruit guy came back every spring!
The winter had passed away into summer and then back to winter but he hadn't come back.
Mike: Then spring skipped summer and went straight into fall...
I thought about our exchanges and shuddered slightly.
Crow: Is he having a seizure?
Timmy: Not with our luck.
I pulled the coat tighter around me and turned away, continuing down the street. I thought on his last words to me and felt sick.
Tom: Now you know how we feel!
"The sunny days are gone for good."
All: (Singing) ..and that's the day the music died.
And I realized he hadn't been predicting the weather. He had been predicting the future.
Mike: Well what did we learn from this, kids?
Crow: That fruit salesmen are really evil mutants? Timmy: That the difference between an orange is the circumference of a pear?
Tom: No, we learned that having an oppressive government can be fun.
Mike: ..and now we know!
Tom: ..and knowing is half the battle!
All: G.I. Joe!!!
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...
[SOL]
(Timmy is walking along around the SOL and then he suddenly falls out of sight.)
Timmy: I wonder who left the venting shaft open? Oh well.. Gypsy! Oh GYPSY!!
Gypsy comes barging in. Then she peers down the hole that has Timmy in it.
Gypsy: Woof!
Timmy: Go fetch help girl!
Gypsy then runs into Tom.
Gypsy: Woof!
Tom: What is it girl? Are you trying to tell me something?
Gypsy: Woof.
Tom: What's that-the air conditioning fell down Timmy and Mr. Meyers is foaming at the mouth again?
Gypsy: Foow!
Tom: Oh, Timmy fell down the air conditioning shaft. Also, why are you barking?
Gypsy: Woof?
Tom: Never mind you must have picked up the new "Good Times" virus, just delete your recent data backs to wipe it out.
Gypsy: Woof.
Gypsy leaves.
Tom: I can't believe it! My lame plan to rid myself of Timmy actually worked! (down shaft) Well Timmy, hope you enjoy the next few centuries down there.
Timmy: (Arnold Schwarzenegger voice) Tom, I'll be back!
Tom: Hasta la pizza, maybe. (closes hatch The mads light flashes)
Timmy: (muffled voice) Boy, what a dingus!
Mike and Crow come in.
Mike: Where's Timmy? Nevermind. (He hits the button)
[On Planet]
Pearl: Where's Timmy?
[SOL]
Tom: Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy!!! What's so important about Timmy?!?!
Mike: I think Timmy nailed it on the head, you're jealous. Tom: I'm NOT JEALOUS!!!! (Tom's head explodes spraying some sort of material on cambot's lens)
Crow: Now look what you've done! You gone and splattered your brains all over Cambot!
[On Planet]
Pearl: Ewwwwww!!!
[Credits]
Written By Kevin Sigmund bshrimp@together.net
Special Thanks for the spelling and grammer was checking done by Mandi Ohlin kiarad@netgsi.com. Of course if you notice a mistake don't blame her. I made a few changes to the final work that were not seen by her.
Stinger:
"I just fertilized the lawn. Should be nice-looking next year."
'Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and © 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved.'
'Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.'
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