Well, folks, here's my fourth MSTing. This is a rather monotonous, long-winded story called Maximum Carnage. This concept of comic-book superheroes joining with the Sailor Scouts is somewhat interesting, but the plot is so predictable that the premise is destroyed.
Oh, well... On with the show!
[Satellite of Love]
[Evening. There is a computer terminal seated on the desk. CROW is typing (or at least trying to) with his beak. TOM is hovering next to CROW, gazing at the images on the screen, which we can’t see...]
TOM: Ooh. Ooh. Get that one!
CROW: Right-O...Let me just grab the mouse here...
[CROW clamps the mouse with one hand, but since his arms don’t work very well, he drops the mouse.]
CROW: Oh-oh...
TOM: CROW! Quick! Do something! Don’t let Mike see this!
[Just then MIKE walks in...]
MIKE: Hiya, guys...what’s this? [looks at screen] Oh. [faints]
TOM: [sheepishly] Er...um...we’ll be right back.
[commercials]
[SoL]
CROW: Boy, I didn’t think Mike would react that way to that hentai picture of A-Ko!
[MIKE climbs up from floor]
MIKE: You guys are in sooo much trouble!
TOM: Uh, Nelson, I think the Village People are calling!
[MIKE gets up and hits the red MADs light.]
[Winged Microbus of Doom]
PEARL: Well, how are my little guinea pigs today?
TOM: [sarcastically] Oh, couldn’t be better!
PEARL: That’s nice, red-boy.
MIKE: Um, Mrs. Forrester, where’s Bobo and the Observer?
PEARL: Oh, I took them to that interspace diner. They have to call me to pick them up...[buzzer sounds] Oh, that must be them now.
[PEARL picks up phone]
OBSERVER [over phone]: Madame Pearl, could you get me right away? This disgusting ape is shedding in my soup! I absolutely loathe being around his filthy hide!
BOBO [over phone]: Yeah, well I hate smelling your filthy B.O.! So there!
OBSERVER: Why, you little-brained simian!
BOBO: Pasty-boy!
OBSERVER: Chimpie!
BOBO: Walpole!
OBSERVER: Trogolodyte!
BOBO: Skunky!
PEARL: I think I’ll just leave them there. Anyway, your visual delight this time is a literary compost pile called "Maximum Carnage", which is another of those Sailor Moon-Marvel crossovers, authored by Victor Von Doom! I hope it goes down nice and hard! Enjoy!
[PEARL presses a button]
[SoL]
TOM: Wow, those two down there must be married...
[lights and klaxon go off]
ALL: WE’VE GOT CROSSOVER SIGN!!!!
[Dog Bone, 6,5,4,3,2,1,*]
Maximum Carnage (by Victor Von Doom)
PART 1
MIKE: Maximum Overdrive...The Movie...
TOM: I really hope this isn’t going to be another self-insertion fic!
"THE DEATH OF A FRIEND"
CROW: [singing, as Dr. Forrester] Now who will I kill?
MIKE: That was eerie, Crow.
The dark Kingdom.
TOM: Stately home of Charles Foster Von Doom!
!Malachite! ! Come to my presence now!
Yes my Queen.
CROW: [Malachite] Yes, dear, coming, dear, you great fat cow...
! I ‘m very disappointed, I can not believe that you’re not good enough to get rid of the Sailor Scouts!
MIKE: [Malachite] Gee, I can.
This time I got a plan that will take care of those girls once and for all. - I received informs regarding superpowered beings in America,
TOM: The Packers!
ALL: WHOOOOO!
MIKE: Packers win the Super Bowl!
I think that if we can get some of them here, they could take care of Sailor Moon and her friends very easily.
TOM: [Queen] My word, it’s just so hard to take care of the little tykes! And that Serena, boy...she must be full of water!
! Get them then, I’m starting to lose my patience with you!
CROW: [Queen] I’ve already lost my...
MIKE: No.
At once my Queen.
TOM: Yeah, whatever.
Then Malachite disappeared in cloud of smoke.
[ALL cough from the smoke]
Downtown New York. Ravencroft Institute.
CROW: [Jack Webb] My name’s Friday. I’m a cop.
Serial killer Cletus Kasady is resting in his cell
ALL: Cletus?
CROW: That’s the name of a serial killer?
MIKE: [hick voice] That there Cletus, he done gone and keeled the rest of them chickens!
when suddenly someone appeared in front of him.
TOM: [Cletus] Mr. B. Natural! You’ve come to save me!
CROW: [Mr. B. Natural] Knew your father, I did!
Are you the being known as Carnage?
MIKE: [whoever’s speaking] I’m not sure, ‘cause I don’t know who’s talking.
Yes, and Who do you think you are to bother me!
TOM: [snooty] As if I would be concerned with you commoners.
I’m Malachite one of the four commanders of the Dark Kingdom, and I’m here in the name of my Queen Beryl to ask you to help us to destroy a girl known as Sailor Moon and four other girls who have caused us a lot of trouble.
CROW: Namely the Olsen twins, Robin Givens, and LaToya Jackson.
What if I decide to help you!
MIKE: [Cletus] Yeah! Your threats don’t scare me!
Then you will be very well rewarded.
CROW: [Malachite] I’ll kill you last!
What kind of reward?
TOM: [Malachite] N.Y. Jets season tickets.
Anything you may possibly want.
Hahaha!!! Then I accept.
TOM: I think I might need some maniacal laughter lessons!
Do you know about others like you that can help us?
MIKE: Yes, however the first step is admitting your addiction.
Yes, get me out and I’ll get you to them.
In a second both men disappeared from the cell, to reappear seconds later in
the office of Norman Osborn, who was supprised by the sudden visit.
CROW: [Osborn] EEEK! I’m not decent!
TOM: [Carnage] Hey! That was easy! why didn’t I try that before?
Who are you?
MIKE: My name, is Charlie...and they, work for me.
Don’t you remember me Osborn? or should I call you Green Goblin?
CROW: [Lucky The Leprechaun] Green goblins! Pink ghosts! Purple bats! All in
me frosted Unlucky Charms!
No! The goblin is dead! I don’t want that nightmare to return!
TOM: [Osborn] ‘Cause I wet ‘em when that happens!
Oh really hahaha!!, well, maybe what you need is a little smell of this!
[CROW makes fart noise]
MIKE: Crow, was that necessary?
Taken a small bottle out of his symbiotic costume, Carnage spreaded a green gas
CROW: I told you!!!
MIKE: CROW!
that in minutes turned businessman Norman Osborn into the Green Goblin, then the three man lefted the building to look for another supervillian to help them.
TOM: Preferably one who isn’t a frequent customer at Mighty Taco.
Well who is next?
ALL: Ooh! Me! Me!
Asked Malachite
This is the last one, don’t worry, his name is Carrion and he
TOM: ...is used as food for scavenging animals!
can kill any human being with just a touch, you’ll see, hahaha!!!!.
CROW: He really needs to work on that laugh.
Moments later the three men arrived to an abandoned house outside the city,
TOM: For some fun and games...
MIKE: Tom...
CROW: Hey! Don’t steal my scthick!
where Carrion was believed to be hiding, they weren’t wrong.
MIKE: They were slightly incorrect.
Who dares to bother me!!!
TOM: [sheepishly] Uh, nothing, sir...er...um...I’m just passin’ through, sir...
Don’t worry it’s your old friend Carnage, I got a friend that says that if we help him we will be rewarded with everything we can wish for.
CROW: How about a better author?
MIKE: It hasn’t been that bad so far, Crow.
A figure appeared on the door, it was totally gray and his eyes were the eyes of death.
TOM: Strom Thurmond makes an appearance.
I accept your offer, but do not try to play with me.
CROW: [Carrion] I forgot my Depends.
Don’t worry we will not.
Said Malachite.
MIKE: [Malachite] I don’t like incontinence.
After this the four men disappeared in a big cloud of smoke.
[ALL cough again from all the smoke]
New York. The Daily Bugle building.
[MIKE imitates revelrie played on bugle]
Reporter Eddie Brock and photographer Peter Parker are called by the editor in chief J. Jonah Jamenson.
ALL [singing]: J. Jonah Jamenson Schmidt! His name is my name too! Hey!
Parker! I want you and Brock to go to Japan to participate in a conference about new technologies developed by Japanese industries.
CROW: [Jamenson] Brock, it’ll be easy for you, since you’re on loan from that Godzilla cartoon.
OK. Mr. Jamenson will get the first flight available to Japan.
MIKE: [Whoever’s speaking] Wait! who am I talking to?
TOM: [Jameson] Dammit, man, I’m in the same room as you!
And get me a good report!!!
CROW: Yeah, whatever.
Then both men left the building and headed towards the airport to get their plane.
MIKE: Lord love a duck, Von Doom used left correctly!
TOM: I can die now. I’ve seen everything.
Tokyo, Japan.
CROW: Can we narrow it down a bit?
Serena, Amy and Rita are having lunch in the garden of the school talking about their recent battle against the Dark Kingdom.
MIKE: Why the hell is Rita here?
TOM: My god, he’s doing a crossover with Power Rangers!
CROW: Or something like that.
You know Rita, I’m started to get bored with this fight against Beryl, what if someday one of us
CROW: [Whoever’s speaking] ...settles down, decides to have a few kids or something?
gets really hurt, you’re my best friends and I don’t want any of you to be hurt.
MIKE: [falsetto] Unless I do it.
Please, you’re always a crybaby Serena, none of the creatures Beryl send against us stands a chance,
TOM ["Rita"]: We’ve got the writers on our side!
it’s always the same, don’t you agree Amy?
CROW: [Amy] Yeah! Same clichéd attacks, same boring plotline, same boring clothes...
I’m not so sure, maybe Serena is right,
MIKE: I think you should remove 'maybe' from that sentence.
if we’re not careful one of this days one of us will get hurt, but don’t think about sad things now, we got a test coming remember?
TOM: [Serena] Who cares? I’ll fail it anyway!
Can’t you think about something else that’s not books!?
CROW: [Amy] No, Serena, much like you can’t think about something else that’s not stupid.
TOM: I think that should read, "Can’t you think, Serena?".
Meanwhile, in the center of the city, four figures talk in a dark alley.
MIKE: The background plots prepare to collide like two 747s.
Well, were is that Sailor Moon of yours!?
Asked an impatient Carnage
TOM: [Malachite] Bend over and I’ll show ya!! Ha!! Thanks! You’ve been a wonderful audience!
Don’t worry, the only thing you need to do is start tearing the city apart and She will appear.
CROW: [Malachite] Start at the video arcade.
Replied Malachite
Well then, let’s start the fun gentleman.
CROW: [Malachite] Carnage! Get the gerbil! I’ve got the tubes and matches!
MIKE: CROW!!!
After that The Green Goblin, Carnage and Carrion started a rampage over the city of Tokyo destroying and killing people everywhere they went.
TOM: Of course, we’d like to know where.
CROW: Hopefully, they’ll kill Melvin.
At the same time Parker and Brock were arriving to the airport, and when they were waiting for they luggage, the image they saw on the screen of a television receiver shocked both men.
MIKE: Oh, they’re watching "The Outlaw of Gor".
Carnage and Carrion here!? And the Goblin!? How could it be?
TOM: [Peter] Oh, me, oh my, oh Popeye!!!
Let’s go Brock we have to do something, before they continue injuring innocent people.
CROW: Umm, hate to break it to ya, but people are getting killed.
The two men left the airport and then in an alley they turned into Spiderman and Venom and got on their way to stop the supervillains.
At the same time Luna alerted the girls who also transformed into the Sailor Scouts.
MIKE: Man, that response time!
TOM: And—we have crossover!
It looks like this time Beryl wants to do something for real doesn’t she?, but we will take them down as usual, don’t we girls?
MIKE: Yeah. Sure.
Said Rei
TOM:...as she took down her skirt...
MIKE: Tom...
TOM: Oh, bite me! It’s fun!
I hope so, they look more powerful than the others we fight before.
added Ami.
CROW [Serena]: Hey, Amy! Isn’t there any time you don’t think about books?
In minutes the five girls arrived at the scene were Carnage and Carrion were attacking the people inside a bus.
MIKE: I don’t know if they were attacking the people inside a bus! You’re the author!
TOM: This is gonna be a long day.
Our city is to precious to be destroyed, I’m the suited sailor soldier Sailor Moon, in the name of the Moon I’ll punish you!!
CROW: When did she ever use the phrase "suited sailor soldier"?
MIKE: Must be hanging around Tux too much.
Oh yeah, well Carrion let’s accomplish our mission! Prepare to die little girl!
ALL: Burn her! Burn her! Burn the witch!
Then Carnage turned is arm into a giant ax and attempted to strike on Sailor Moon, but a line of web holded his arm just centimeters away from Serena’s face.
TOM: [Serena] Hey! Thanks for the plot contrivance!
YOU!!! This wasn’t part of the plan, !Goblin! Use one of your smoke bomb’s to take care of Venom!
CROW: I thought you had to suck Venom out.
MIKE: That’ll be enough, Crow.
!Carrion distract the Web head so we can get ourselves out of here!
CROW: This guy’s trying to use Spanish grammar.
MIKE & TOM: ¡Ole!
In seconds the Green Goblin fired a small rocket out of his glider creating a huge smoke that put Venom out of the fight.
[ALL cough from the smoke again]
MIKE: I’ve got to turn off these Special FX for the theater!
Meanwhile Carrion decided to use his death touch on Sailor Mercury getting behind her back and laying his deadly hand on the shoulder of the unprepared girl Who falled down with no signs of life.
ALL: Awwwww!
CROW: They killed the only likeable character!
! NO! Get away from her you monster
Screamed Spiderman
TOM: With absolutely no emotion.
MIKE: Ah, buddy, you’re a little late.
But it was too late; Amy recived the full power of Carrion and started to die slowly.
CROW: But she had no signs of life anyway!!!!
NO!! Sailor Mercury, I know it! I know it!! !I told her someone was going to get hurt!
TOM: [Serena] Wait a minute! I said ‘I know it!’ Now I sound like Amy! Ick! Ick!
Calm down Sailor Moon!! Instead of crying let’s help her!
MIKE: ...die slower and more painfully!
TOM: A little dark today, Nelson?
With this distraction the three villains’s escaped.
CROW: ["villains’s"] Man! That was easy! We didn’t even have to try!
Meanwhile Spiderman was the first to aid Amy.
MIKE: What about the Sailor Scouts?
She’s in a coma,
TOM: Oh, just like Mina.
we have to get her to a hospital now if you want her to live!
CROW: But she’s DEAD already!
Moment’s later Amy was in the emergency room of a hospital, but the diagnostic of the Doctor was terrible.
MIKE: ...the hell?
TOM: Mr. Von Doom is picking words at random from the dictionary now.
I’m sorry but there is nothing we can do for her, she’s to bad and there is no treatment for her strange decease, so you better expect the worse.
CROW: She’s DEAD ALREADY!
TOM: He even said she had a strange decease!
MIKE: Let it go, guys.
Serena started crying, She knew there was a price to pay to preserve peace,
CROW: But she didn’t want to pay it.
but she didn’t wanted Amy to be the one to pay it, on her mind she saw every moment she shared with her,
TOM: Those lonely Friday nights...,
MIKE: Tom...
the day she met her for the first time; every time they fought together;
CROW: And each other.
the way she always help her when needed; no it wasn’t fair, she wished she could go back in time and be the one Carrion touched.
MIKE: [Serena] He’s cute! I like creepy guys who cop feels!
Outside Spiderman, Venom, Sailor Mars, Sailor Jupiter and Luna were talking.
TOM: [Luna] Kay, since Mercury’s snuffed it, I’m the brains of this outfit.
OK. Now tell me what’s the big idea by trying to stop Carnage by yourselves, now one of your friends is literally death in there,
CROW: FOR THE LAST TIME, SHE IS D-E-A-D DEAD!!!!!
MIKE: Crow, calm down, it’ll be okay.
but let’s start from the beggining tell us: who the heck are you!?
TOM: [Luna] Who the hell am I talking to anyway?
Luna started by telling them the story of the Moon Kingdom, how Beryl killed Queen Serenity and that the five girls were the incarnations of the scouts that defended the kingdom against Her.
MIKE: Wow, that could have been interesting.
So this is the story.- I personally think that the Negaverse is behind all of this, because there is no possible way that your friends could get here just like that.
CROW: [Luna] Besides, we have no other villains on this show.
Finished Luna.
Wait a minute here, so you’re telling us that probably the reason of Carnage and the others of being here is that this Queen of yours brought them here to destroy you?
Asked Spiderman
TOM: Thanks for the exposition, Spidey.
Yes, and maybe if you help us we can be able to stop them.
Said Luna
MIKE: Or maybe not.
OK. But we have to make a plan here; the only thing that can cause some damage to Carnage is fire so we need a way to create some fire when we get to him
CROW: [testily] Gee, why not get matches and petrol?
Is this good enough?
Asked Rei, creating a huge flame.
TOM: Well, wasn’t that convenient?
MIKE: This story is just so predictable.
Perfect, now Venom and I will..uh?
CROW: [Spiderman] Ooops, now I have to come out!
MIKE: Crow...
Sailor Venus came out crying from the hospital.
What happened in there Venus!?
TOM: [Rei] And why do you have blood on your hands?
Asked Rei
! She’s dead, Ami is dead!!
ALL: [sarcastically] NOOO!
!What!?
CROW: Aww, we knew it already.
.... To be continued
MIKE: Let’s get out of here.
[*,1,2,3,4,5,6,Dog Bone]
[Commercials]
[SoL Bridge. TOM runs out from left into the other guys.]
TOM: Guys! Guys! I have terrible news!
CROW: [high-strung] What, Tom? What could be so terrible!
TOM: [melodramatic] GYPSY IS DEAD!!! WAAAAAHHH!
[Suddenly, GYPSY moves onscreen.]
GYPSY: No, I’m not!
TOM: [frustrated] GYPSY! You’ve just ruined the entire sketch! Waaaahh!
CROW: Oh, Servo, it was kinda lame anyway.
TOM: [crying] It’s not fair! You guys always get the good sketches! Mine never work!
MIKE [now onscreen]: Tom, don’t worry...just relax...
[lights and klaxon go off]
MIKE: We’ve got FANFIC SIGN!
TOM: AAAGHAGAHGAHH!
[Dog Bone,6,5,4,3,2,1,*]
PART 2
TOM: Electric Boogaloo.
CROW: We never tire of those, do we?
THE DOUBLE S ALLIANCE
MIKE: Oh. The ess alliance.
TOM: S-s-slythe?
The last time we saw our friends,
CROW: Friends? I think not!
Sailor Venus came out from the hospital in tears saying that Ami (Sailor Mercury) was dead.
MIKE: [Venus] And she still owes me twenty bucks!
TOM: Previously on Maximum Carnage...
"¿Ami? Who is she talking about?
Asked Spiderman
CROW: Da’ broad with the blue hair! Watch the show, will ya?
It doesn’t matter now; Sailor Mercury’s real name was Ami Anderson, but it so incredible...I can’t talk.
MIKE: Oh, that’s nice, just reveal her secret identity like that.
Answer Luna before she started crying.
TOM: [Luna] Suddenly my grammar stopped working!
Sailor Mars holded Venus and tried to know more
CROW: [Mars] What’s your sign, honey?
MIKE: Uhh, Crow?
What happened in there? Are you sure of what you’re saying?;
TOM: [Venus] Yeah! I killed her myself...oops.
Where is Sailor Moon?
CROW: Check the video arcade.
Trying to control herself
[ALL giggle]
MIKE: Don’t forget your Depends!
Venus answered
She called us and when we got there, she holded our hands and said "Please, Please promise me that you will protect the princess and never let the Negaverse win"
TOM: [Venus] ...blah,blah,blah...
we said yes and then she....She...died...Serena is resting now, she totally lost it when it happened
CROW: She never had it!!
and the Doctors gave her some sedatives to calm her down.
MIKE: [Venus] Oh! They also gave her a shot of that stuff that makes you calm down.
Sailor Jupiter was furious.
CROW: [Jupiter, angrily] How come she gets drugs and I don’t?
"I’m not going to take this anymore, let’s start looking for those creeps so we can avenge Sailor Mercury!
TOM: Bring on the Chicken Cannon!
Venom stopped her.
MIKE: Why?
Not yet. We need to continue the making of our plan in order to succeed.
CROW: Uhh-wha? Oh.
He is right, I planted a spidertracer on the Goblin’s glider so I know were to find them, and this time you girls be careful if you don’t want to get killed, we will divide in two groups, Sailor Mars will come with me and the rest with Venom; In order to succeed we have to combine our powers, -!Let’s go!
Added Spiderman
MIKE: Captain Contrivance...away!!!
I’m coming too.
MIKE: No, Crow.
CROW: What? I wasn’t going to say anything.
TOM: Sure.
It was Sailor Moon; the sedatives the doctors gave her were starting to make effect.
CROW: [Serena, stoned] Ooh! I can see Elvis!
Are you crazy!? You can’t go like that, You can get yourself killed too,
TOM: Although it wouldn’t matter...
you saw the power of those creatures, it’s stupid to try to fight them like that, stay here and get some rest.
Replied Sailor Mars.
MIKE: [Mars] Now Serena, I want you to cooperate with the men in white coats. They’re here to help you...
I’m the leader of the team, if I say that I’m coming then I’ll go, I made a promise to Sailor Mercury and I’m going to keep.... Uhhhhhhh
CROW: [Serena] Uhh, maybe I won’t...
Due to the sedatives she fainted and her friends bring her back into the hospital and instructed the doctors not to let her go, regardless of anything she may say.
Then the group leaved the area to look for the three supervillains who were hiding in the basement of a building in Central Tokyo.
TOM: Um, so what was the point of that whole scene?
You know, this is better than we thought,
MIKE: Serena O.D.ed, Amy snuffed it, did we get hit with the lucky stick or what?
now we can take care of Spiderman and my "dad", don’t you think?
CROW: I’ll get the cement!
TOM: Umm, aren’t we the good guys?
CROW: I guess there was another of those invisible scene changes.
(Note from the author: Carnage calls Venom "dad" because his suit was originally part of venom’s; when the symbiotic custome broke Venom out of prison part of it bonded with Cletus Cassady and formed Carnage).
ALL: Whatever.
Personally, I think this is a risk we never planned to take, but maybe you’re right, maybe we can take two birds with one stone.
Said Carrion
CROW: You know what they say, a bird in hand makes hard to blow nose...
MIKE: Crow...
Well then let’s go out and look for them, anyway one of those brats is out thanks to you Dead man.
Replied the Green Goblin
TOM: what? Who’s Dead man?
Then the three man lefted the building to confront our heroes.
MIKE: Wow, they’re strong!
Meanwhile in the Negaverse:
CROW: In the backstory...
Your idea looks to be working Malachite, one of the Sailor Scouts is dead and Sailor Moon is in the hospital, I’m very pleased.
TOM: Hopefully they all get hit by a meteor and the fanfic ends.
Thanks my Queen, I’ll personally see that the mission is completed.
MIKE: [queen] Oh, shut up, you brown-noser.
Back in Tokyo, Spiderman and Sailor Mars were in their way to the building were Carnage and the others were hiding but suddenly he sensed the movement of the glider.
CROW: Duuuuuh...that way!
TOM: Uh, could the author please use correct tense?
Wait a minute! They’re not in the building anymore, they’re going straight to Venom and the others, we have to alert them.
MIKE: [Mars] No we don’t!
Sailor Mars got her communicator and called the other Sailor Scouts.
CROW: For what?
Sailor Jupiter! Sailor Venus! This is Sailor Mars, Carnage and the others are coming straight at you, we’re on our way there.... And please be careful.
TOM: [Mars] And watch out for sharp objects!
MIKE: You haven’t forgotten about Ultimate Battle yet, have you?
TOM: Nope.
Come on there is no time to lose, we got to get to the others, ¡fast!
Added Spiderman
ALL:¡Ole!
Meanwhile Venom and the other Scouts are ready to confront their foes as soon as they see them. Carnage has sensed my suite, that’s why their coming at us, prepare to battle,
CROW: [Venom] I won’t let them have my Day’s Inn!
you know the power of Carrion so what ever you do don’t get close to him,
TOM: [Venom] He has the worst B.O.!
I’ll take care of Carnage myself.
MIKE: [Venom] I’m a better mother than you.
But the villains were right above them
ALL: HI-KEEBA!!
In that case let the fun begin!!!
Screamed Carnage
CROW: [Carnage] Where are my "toys"?
In seconds a terrible battle ensued, Venom and Carnage collided, Sailor Venus decided to attack the Goblin using his Venus crescent beam to make him fall from the glider.
ALL: AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
MIKE: Now Sailor Venus is a transvestite!
Well, well little girl, you’re incredibly beautiful, but prepare to die!!
TOM: [Venus] You mean you don’t want to go out with me?
Screamed the Green Goblin as he flew towards Sailor Venus.
You will pay for what you did to Ami.....!VENUS CREASENT BEAM!
MIKE: !GANYMEDE DONUT POWER!
CROW: !CHARON CRULLER ACTIVATION!
TOM: !IO DONUT...ELIMINATION!
A powerful laser bolt came from the girls hand and hitted the goblin in the shoulder but it wasn’t enough to make him fall from his glider, this make him anger and he fired two of his pumpkin rockets
TOM: Pumpkin rockets?
MIKE: That’s just silly!
to Venus who jumped out of their way but could not avoid being hit by a piece of rock that came from the wall hitted by the rockets.
TOM: [author] ‘Cause, ya see, they’re rockets, heh, heh...
Are you hurt my dear? Ha, ha, ha! Now prepare to join your friend in hell!!!
CROW: [evil guy] Meet Stephen Ratliff!
But before he could use his globe blasters, a red rose literally cutted his fingers.
MIKE: He should have seen this coming a mile away.
TOM: We sure did.
What is this? Who are you?
CROW: Let me guess...Tuxedo Mask...
I’m Tuxedo Mask, and I’m here to protect the Sailor Scouts, why don’t you fight me instead of fight a woman?
TOM: [Goblin] Ooooh, kinky...
Well then you will die also!!
MIKE: [Tux] Er, um, never mind...
In other area Sailor Jupiter was battling Carrion who was trying to get close to her to use his deadly touch.
CROW: [Jupiter] Nobody cops a feel on me except my boyfriends!
Have you ever danced with death in the evening, young girl?
Asked the death man
TOM: [Jupiter] Yeah! He was one of my old boyfriends!
You monster! You don’t deserve to live, you killed my friend and now I’ll avenge her, !JUPITER THUNDER!
ALL: AKIYAMA MISSILES...FIRE!!!
An antenna appeared on Sailor Jupiter’s tiara and a big lighting came from her hands hitting Carrion in the chest and making crash against a building and passing trough the wall to fall into a department store, dozens of people came running out of it in panic.
TOM: ARRRRRRRRGHGHGHGHGHGH!!! Grammar problems too great! Activating backup sequencers!
Not too far Carnage was about to kill Venom when suddenly a big ball of fire trow him away from his victim.
MIKE: Trow? What’s that?
CROW: Quiet, or we’ll overload Tom.
Sailor Mars! Spiderman you’re here!
Said Sailor Venus who was bleeding due to the injure she suffered.
TOM: I guess Von Doom writes with a French accent.
Venom are you OK?
Asked Spidey
CROW: Oh, so he’s Spidey now?
MIKE: [Spiderman] ...My spider-sense tells me...I’m in a crummy fanfic!
Don’t worry about me, Carnage is powerful and we most stop him! Now!
TOM:[Venom] Or it’s back to the salt mines with ya!
Carnage recuperated from the shot and started looking for his aggressor.
You will regret what you just did! Prepare to feel Carnage’s fury!
CROW: Among other things...
MIKE: Crow...
Pointing his fingers to his enemies, he trow
TOM: FOR THE LAST TIME, IT’S THREW!! THREW!! T-H-R-E-W!!!!
MIKE: Tom, settle down...
five lines of web that flew towards them,
turning themselves into blades in midair, Sailor Mars moved away and avoided the shot the same as Spiderman, Venom, Sailor Jupiter, and Tuxedo Mask, but unfoortunately Sailor Venus, stil stunned by her injury, was unable to avoid it and she was hitted in the chest.
MIKE: Uh-oh...
CROW: Man, Von Doom’s really rackin’ up the body count here...
TOM: At this rate, they’ll all be dead by Chapter 4.
She only felt the blood on her mouth coming from her heart before falling to her knees and then to the concrete floor.
CROW: Gee, that was a little graphic, dontcha think?
!NO! Not again, please!
Screamed Luna running towards Sailor Venus
MIKE:[Luna] I can’t stand these hackneyed plots!
Both in tears Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Mars prepared to fire a combined attack on Carnage.
CROW & TOM: [Jupiter & Mars] IN THE NAME OF JUPITER AND MARS, WE SHALL SMITE YOUR HAPPY ASS!
MIKE: Not bad.
! This is the last time you kill someone! FIRE SOUL!
CROW: !FIRE AUTHOR!
! You will deeply pay for this! SUPREME THUNDER!
TOM: !SUPREME BURRITO!
But someone else wanted to add something to it
MIKE: Uhh...wha?
! LUNAR TIARA MAGIC! ! ACTION!
ALL: BORING!
It was Sailor Moon, who trow her lunar tiara to be combined with the fire soul and the lighting bolt of Jupiter, creating a blast that instantly killed Carnage.
With their leader destroyed the others were easy prey. - Venom used his living web to stop Carrion and Spiderman, with the help of Tuxedo Mask, who trow a rose to the goblin’s face to make him crash in a wall unconscious, was able to take care of the goblin.
TOM: Why did Venom stop Spiderman with Tuxedo Mask’s help?
CROW: [Venom] Ow! I’ve been hit with a serious collapse of syntax!
But what anyone noticed was that Malachite appeared and in the blink of an eye took Carnage’s body back to the negaverse.
BOTS: BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
MIKE: Plot device! Plot device!
Tough the victory was theirs, none of the heroes was happy, because of the lost another of the Sailor Scouts.
CROW: Tough luck.
TOM: Now, it’s Oscar Von Doom.
First Sailor Mercury, now Sailor Venus! Why, why does this had to happen, it’s enough, I’m going to give Beryl this crystal, before someone else gets killed around here!
Said Serena in tears.
MIKE: Finally, she shows some sense.
Sailor Mars slapped her.
ALL: YAYY!
TOM: Do it again!
Don’t be stupid, if you do it then Mina and Ami died for nothing, remember the promise you made to her, they were my friends too but that is no reason to surrender!.
MIKE: Sure, we’re dropping like flies, but we must fight on!
Later in the front of Sailor Mercury and Sailor Venus’s graves an oath was made.
CROW: ...Here lieth two incredibly obtuse trollops who chose to follow in the footsteps of one absent-minded airhead and her overprotective familiar in a badly dubbed story...
TOM: Very nice, Crow.
Sailor Mercury, Sailor Venus you died fighting for the peace of the earth, and today here we’re making an alliance to fight against evil, Spiderman and the Sailor Scouts will fight side to side in the name of love and justice, known as THE DOUBLE S ALLIANCE.
MIKE: Oh, kay.
The negaverse.
TOM: I thought it was the "double s alliance".
You failed me Malachite, your creatures didn’t accomplished their mission,
CROW: [Queen] In fact, they got killed!
what do you have to say in your defense?
MIKE: Uhhhh...I fell in a plothole?
Two of the Sailor Scouts died, I have bringed the body of the most powerful creature to bring it back to life, with more power so he can finish what he started.
TOM: Yeah, that’ll happen.
I’m going to give you one more opportunity, if you fail me you will face death itself.
CROW: [Malachite] But Carrion’s dead!
To be continued...
ALL: BOOO!
MIKE: Let’s get out of here.
[*,1,2,3,4,5,6,Dog Bone]
[Commercials]
[SoL]
[The BOTS are playing "Sailor Moon Super S" on their Sony Playstation. MIKE walks in.]
MIKE: Hey, guys...what are you doing?
CROW: We’re trying to customize the game’s cheat mode to fit the fanfic!
MIKE: You mean where all the scouts die and Marvel comics join in on the fun?
CROW: Yeah! That’s the ticket!
MIKE: But...what’s the point? You’re playing as the scouts. That would mean that you die.
TOM: Yeah, but we’re just being inspired by the movie! Nothing wrong with that!
MIKE: It’s just that it doesn’t make sense!
CROW: Well, neither does the fanfic.
MIKE: You’ve got a point there, Crow...
[lights and klaxon go off]
MIKE: OOOH! We’ve got FANFIC SIGN!!!!
[Dog Bone,6,5,4,3,2,1,*]
PART 3
ENTER THE NEGAVERSE
MIKE:[Bruce Lee] Ha! You have a-very bad kung a-fu skills! Ha! So!
In the end of episode 2 Malachite bringed Carnage’s dead body back to the negaverse to revive him and give him more power.
TOM: [Tim Allen] Ohohohohoho...
Meanwhile in Tokyo two men, three girls and a
CROW:...partridge in a pear tree
cat talk in a dark alley.
I’m sorry about your friends, I know the feeling, I’ve losted loved ones while fighting evil.
Explained Spiderman
MIKE: [Spiderman] Like my ability to use correct grammar and tense!
We’ll get over it, don’t worry, but how long do you plan to be here?
Asked Luna
CROW: [Spiderman] Oh, I’m just gonna hang around for that hentai convention next week.
Probably two weeks; Here. - This is a spidertracer,
TOM: One of our plot devices.
press it twice and we will came to help you.
Added Venom
Then the two heroes disappeared swinging on the buildings.
MIKE: [Jim Carrey] Swwingin’!
CROW:[singing] why dontcha swing my way...my way...
Two weeks later, Serena was in her room looking to the rain in the window.
TOM:[singing] Purple rain...purple rain
The tears on her face mixed with the rain drops on her window, She was trying to think that everything that happened was a nightmare and that her friends were alive, but in the end she realized that it wasn’t and that Ami and Mina were gone;
CROW: Oh, please!
then Luna entered the room and crawled on the bed and tried to talk to her.
MIKE: Nudge nudge wink wink...
You can’t get over it can you? Look, I know how hard Ami and Mina’s death was, but we have to continue our lives.
TOM: [singing] We’re gonna move onnnnn...
We can’t live on the past all the time. - Besides the negaverse can attack any minute now.
You don’t understand, do you? Two weeks ago, just before this nightmare began I told Ami that I didn’t wanted any of them to be hurt, and then hours later She just died in the front of my eyes at the hospital.-
CROW: But didn’t she say two weeks ago?
MIKE: Don’t worry about it. Just smile and nod.
I cant take this any more Luna; here take this back it’s my transformation clasp, I don’t want to be Sailor Moon anymore, I just want to be old plain Serena just like I was before I know you.
TOM: [Luna] Actually, you are still plain old Serena.
What!? You cant just quit like that, you have a mission remember?
MIKE: [Luna] Besides, you have a contract with Saban.
CROW: Boy, that’s a deal with the devil.
What about the negaverse and your fight to protect love and justice?
What about the princess were looking for?
TOM: [Luna] And stuff like that!
I don’t want any of that anymore, I don’t care about that princess of yours, this stupid fight costed me two of my best friends, I don’t want Lita or Rei to be killed too,
CROW: What about Rita?
MIKE: I think that was a typo, Crow.
please leave me alone and get that clasp with you, I don’t want to see it again.
TOM: [cockney] So git stuffed!
But you’re Sailor Moon and you have a mission this can’t end like this, I just can’t let you........
ALL: [singing] Gooooooo!
I told you to take that thing and get out of here and don’t call me Sailor Moon!!!
I’m Serena Tzukino and nothing more!!
TOM: Nevermore, Nevermore.
Now get out!!....please.
CROW: [Serena] I’m angry, but I’m always polite!
Luna took the clasp and silently left the room while Serena fell on her bed and started crying.-
MIKE: Seen it.
TOM: Hated it.
CROW: Taped it.
Then Luna headed towards the temple to talk to Rei.
Luna hi!
ALL: Rei hi!
Call Lita, now!
ALL: Call Rei now!
What’s going on? Where is Serena?
ALL: What’s going on? Where is Rei?
MIKE: Isn’t that annoying?
Just call Lita, I’ll explain it later.
TOM: And stop repeating what I say!
Minutes later Lita arrived and then they went into the temple to talk.
CROW: IfyaknowwhatImean!!
Well what is going on? Why didn’t you wanted my to call Serena?
TOM: AAARRGGHGH! Mike, he’s doing it again!!
MIKE: Tom, just relax, it’s just a fanfic.
For this.
CROW: This on you, Wyatt.
She putted Serena’s transformation clasp on the table.
TOM: [Luna] If he wins this hand, I’ll have to fold!
What’s the meaning of this? Why do you have Serena’s transformation clasp? What happened?
Asked Lita
CROW: [Luna] I’m the boss! I’ll ask the questions around here!
She quitted, she literally kicked me out of her room saying that she just had enough of this, and that she didn’t wanted to be Sailor Moon anymore.
MIKE: [Luna] You can see how she kicked me out, ‘cause I’ve got a footprint on my behind!
Luna was crying as she talked.
Ami and Mina’s death affected her very hard, I think that the best thing to do now is leave her alone for while, until she gets over with this.
CROW: Uh, Luna or Serena?
TOM: Mr. Von Doom, please consider using sentence structure.
Wait a minute, are you saying that Sailor Moon is gone?
MIKE: No, we’re saying she’s cracked.
Rei got up and walked to the door
Were are you going?
Asked Luna
CROW: [Rei] I’m going to see the queen!
I’m going to put that stupid girl back into her senses!
TOM: [Rei] Or at least traction!
Lita holded her.
CROW: Sayyyy...
MIKE: Crow...
No, stop.- We must do what Luna said, let’s leave Serena alone for a while, this hasn’t been easy for any of us and you know it,
TOM: ...so there.
so calm down and let’s think what are we going to do now that we’re on our own.
MIKE: [as random Sailor] Ow! My head hurts!
Lita is right, now it’s up to you to stop the negaverse and look for the princess.
CROW: [whoever was speaking] Wait! Who am I? Who was I talking to?
But what are we going to do without her? She is the leader of the group, she just can’t leave us alone like that.
Said Rei
TOM: She just did, ya dummy!
Luna tried to calm down before she could talk
MIKE: This fanfic is going nowhere fast.
Look, the girl is hurt deeply, it’s not good to try to force her to do anything she doesn’t want.- If you want a leader then Lita is in charge for the moment O.K.?
ALL: NO!
All right, but I hope we can handle the negaverse by ourselves for some time.
CROW: Boy! What an optimistic, charismatic character!
Meanwhile in the Negaverse.
MIKE: This might be a good time to go get a sandwich.
I’m going to send one of our demons while Carnage is ready. !Exterminatum! !Show yourself!
TOM: So Exterminatum is a flasher.
A four armed monster appeared in front of Malachite
CROW: Description? Exposition? Yoohoo?
At your service my lord.
MIKE: This monster is a gentleman!
I want you to go to Tokyo and take care of the remaining Sailor Scouts!
Yes my lord, your orders will be accomplished.
CROW: [dopey voice] I’ll hug ‘em...and squeeze ‘em, and love ‘em!
Then the creature desapeared in a lighting bolt, to reappear in a park. The first one to met the monster was a men who was walking through the park with his wife.
TOM: He means a man, right?
MIKE: [singing] It’s raining men...oh lord...
You know this is beautiful evening to be in the !ahhh! !a monster!
CROW: Yeah! The !ahhh!!a monster! is wonderful this time of year!
But before he could do anything an air blast from one of the creature’s arms killed him and his wife instantly.
TOM: When underarm odour is fatal!
CROW: Tough Sweat III...in theatres now!!
It’s enough!! We’re not going to let you or any other negaverse trash ruin our beautiful park! In the name of my guardian planet Jupiter I’ll punish you!!
MIKE: [Jupiter] Ooh! I’ll give you such a pinch!
!!JUPITER THUNDER!!
ALL: BOOMSHACKALAKA!
Jupiter’s lightning bolt flew over the creature who showed incredible agility by jumping out of the way, but someone else was expecting that move.
TOM: The oddsmakers in Vegas.
You think you can escape like that?
CROW:[whoever’s speaking] I’ll let you know when I find out who I am.
! FIRE OF MARS! !IGNITE!
ALL: !TEABAG OF TETLEY! !STEEP!
A huge fireball came from Rei’s hands but the creature once more leaped out of the way and responded with four air blasts (one from each of his arms), The Sailor Scouts avoided the shots but one of them hitted a tree who falled over Sailor Mars trapping one of her legs.
MIKE: Oh, boy...I see where this is going...
Get this off from me!
TOM: ...the hell?
CROW: [Mars] I’ve lost my ability to speak coherently!
I can’t I have to stop this creature first!
TOM: Betcha the rose shows up!
Suddenly a red rose hitted Exterminatum in the face, giving the Scouts a chance to stop him.
TOM: What’d I tell ya?
CROW: You looked ahead!
TOM: Did not!
Now Sailor Jupiter take care of him!
It was Tuxedo Mask who appeared to help the girls.
ALL: [sarcastically] Nooo!
This time you’re not going to get away from me monster!!
MIKE: Me monster...you Jane!
!!SUPREME THUNDER!!
CROW: [Beavis] TACO SUPREME!!
The huge lighting blast that emanated from Jupiter’s hitted the demon and turned it into dust. Them Sailor Jupiter and Tuxedo Mask removed the tree from Rei’s leg.
TOM: Heh heh...the tree’s a little friendly today...
MIKE: Oh, brother.
Are you O.K.?
Asked Tuxedo Mask
CROW: [Rei] A tree fell on my leg! What do you think?
No, I think my leg is broken.
TOM: [darkly] It’ll have to come off.
MIKE: Tom, you do that so well.
Luna arrived to the scene and watched the situation
CROW: Which ended five minutes ago.
Oh no, now Sailor Mars is out, Lita now you and Tuxedo Mask are the only ones that can stop the negaverse.
TOM: This ought to be fun!
Tuxedo Mask was supprised.
What happened to Sailor Moon?
MIKE:[Tux] I thought our union did something about these occupational hazards!
Don’t worry she’s O.K., I can’t explain it now.
CROW: Well, two words: deep end.
But she is supposed to be here fighting with you, where is she?
Luna interfered
TOM: Oh, in a straightjakcet.
Please don’t ask any questions, just trust us.
CROW: [Eddie Murphy] Trust me...
After that they took Rei to a hospital.
[ALL hum theme from Medical Center]
How is she doctor?
Asked Lita
The leg is broken but she’ll be fine in two weeks, in the mean time she must rest and don’t move the leg.
CROW: Shouldn’t you tell Rei not to move the leg?
TOM: Damn grammar again...
At the same time Luna tried to convince Serena to be Sailor Moon again.
Please you must understand that you’re the leader of the Sailor Scouts! They need you, Please Serena you must take your clasp back and be Sailor Moon again!
MIKE: [Luna] Please? Pretty please, with Tux on top?
The last time I talked to you I told you that I’m just Serena Tzukino not Sailor Moon,I can be your friend if you want to, but I’m not going to be Sailor Moon ever again.
MIKE: [Serena] See, I met this girl named Marrissa...,
TOM: Stop right there, Nelson.
Even if it means to never see Tuxedo Mask again?
CROW: [Serena] Wait! I reconsider!
Yes.- I don’t want to see anything that reminds me of that.
TOM: What, not even Tux?
Please Serena you must get over this, I looked for you many years until I found you, now I cant just walk away trowing everything I did for you and the others to the sewers just like that.
MIKE: [Luna] You see, towing is a difficult job! I’m just a little cat!
CROW: Hey, if they go to the sewers, they can bury the fanfic!
That’s the problem you only care about yourself Luna, I’m just going to tell you this once, If you want to be my friend O.K. but you must stop talking about Sailor Moon, you understand that?
TOM: [Luna] You know, Serena, you’re a real wuss!
NO! I cant do that! You’re the one who can’t see beyond your own self, Rei broke a leg fighting the negaverse this morning because you weren’t there to help her! Since the day you became Sailor Moon you’re the one who always cries when things get though, the only thing you can do is cry all the time,
CROW:[Serena] Don’t forget video games!
why don’t you grow up a little bit and think about what you’re doing to you and your friends!
MIKE: Yeah! You tell her, Luna!
Enough Luna, I’m not going to be Sailor Moon ever again, please don’t insist on this, no matter what you say I’m going to be Serena Tzukino from now on. If you excuse me I’m going to see Andrew at the arcade.
TOM: Nice call, Crow.
CROW: It’s easy! Serena’s a two-dimensional character!
Then she walked out of her room; Luna couldn’t hold the tears on her eyes.
MIKE: [Luna] Damn! Now who will I boss around?
No, why does it have to end like this, if Beryl finds out about this it will be our doom, Lita is a good scout but she can’t take on the negaverse by herself, god what am I going to do now.
ALL: Calgon, take me away!
Then she silently cried.
The Negaverse.
ALL: [crying] The Negaverse!!
TOM: This story is like a bad game of jal alai!
What is it Malachite? What is the problem?
CROW: [Malachite] Uh, I can’t get it up!!
Something is wrong my queen, I sended a demon but only two of the Sailor Scouts and Tuxedo Mask were there two fight it.
MIKE: Boy, when Von Doom gets ahold of a number, he just runs...and runs...and run with it.
Who was the one that did not show?
It was Sailor Moon my Queen.
ALL:[as Queen, music group] Yaaah!
What!!! She’s probably hurt!! Then this is the moment we have waited for is our new carnage ready?
TOM: Yes! Complete with the six white mice!!
Yes my Queen, if you wish I can send him now to finish the job.
ALL: FINISH IT! FINISH IT!
Do so at once!!!
Then Malachite headed to another area and talked to a servant.
CROW: [Malachite] So, baby, what’s your sign?
The Queen wants Carnage to go to earth now. Is he ready?
Yes my master he’s ready, see for yourself .
MIKE: [bombastic] Alrighty, I will!
A figure emerged from some sort of coffin but it didn’t looked like Carnage anymore. It was different, his symbiotic custome did not look like it was before.
Malachite interrogated the creature.
CROW: [Malachite] So, where were you on the morning of September 2? We’ve got witnesses!
How do you feel Carnage?
TOM:[Carnage] Like a pile of s**t.
MIKE: Tom...
Carnage is no more, I’m the Spidercide now!.
CROW: Spidercide?
MIKE: I guess that’s when you kill a spider.
Spiderman and the Sailor Scouts are waiting for you in Tokyo, are you ready to destroy them?
TOM: [Spidercide] Read-ee an’ willin’, sir!
I can not be defeated now, send me back now to kill those who killed me before!!
TOM: [computer] THAT DOES NOT COMPUTE...THAT DOES NOT COMPUTE...
Then Malachite created a huge smoke that covered him and the Spidercide, when the smoke cleared they were in the park again.
ALL COUGH AND HACK FROM SMOKE [again]
Hide here I’ll bring the Sailor Scouts to you.
CROW: [Queen] Neatly wrapped, too!
Then he headed towards the school and when he arrived he look for a victim so he can made the Sailor Scouts came after him,
TOM: This guy is out of tense again...
in the end he spotted a brown haired girl who was walking along with a blond one, he flew toward the girls and grabbed the first one by the throat taking her high in the sky while he called the sailor scouts.
MIKE: Owie...
CROW: [Malachite] Hello, Sailor Scouts? I’m inviting you to my trap!
I’m going to give you five minutes to appear Sailor Scouts or I’m going to kill this girl!!
Serena screamed
MIKE: [Serena] Wait a minute...*I’m* a Sailor Scout!
TOM: Mr. Von Doom has changed his sentence structure on us.
NO PLEASE!! If you want a hostage take me but don’t hurt her !
CROW: [Serena] Or take her and not hurt me!
Malachite was supprised, he saw the blond girl below him and he found a similarity between her and Sailor Moon but a very well known voice make him react.
TOM: What...?
MIKE: Don’t try, Tom. Just let it happen.
Enough Malachite, I’m here to fight you so prepare yourself!!!!
MIKE: [dubbed kung-fu guy] Prepare...to die!
So, were are your friends Sailor Jupiter? Are they afraid to fight me?
CROW: [Serena] No, they’re just dead.
TOM: So Sailor Jupiter is more than one person?
Shut up you monster! I’m good enough to defeat you myself!! Now let the girl go and fight me!!
As you wish.
MIKE: [Malachite] I can always give requests.
Then he dropped Molly on a tree and prepared to fight Sailor Jupiter, meanwhile Serena was trying to climb the tree to rescue her friend.
CROW: So the brown-haired girl is Molly?
TOM: Much more of this and I’m gonna quit.
O.K. Malachite prepare to fight ! !JUPITER THUNDER!
TOM: Here we go again.
MIKE: How long before she gets killed?
CROW: How long before Tux throws the rose?
Jupiter’s lighting bolt flew towards Malachite but he used his power to block it making it hit the tree where Molly was, killing the girl and making Serena fly over the place to finally hit a wall losing conciseness.
TOM: Yeah, that Serena was always such a broad!
ALL: [groan]
CROW: Tom, that was terrible.
TOM: Bite me.
NO!! You monster!! You made me kill an innocent girl and hurt one of my friends! Now you really made me angry! I’ll have no mercy now! !SUPREME THUNDER!!!!
ALL: SHUT UP!!!
But before she could fire, Malachite flew towards the park.
CROW: So he’s Mumm-ra now?
!You can’t escape from me now Malachite, I’ll follow you no matter where you go!!
ALL: [singing] Everywhere you go...I’ll be watching you...
But when they got to the park, Malachite stopped and stood there expecting the girl.
TOM: What girl?
Now that you decided to stop I will finish you once and for all!!
MIKE: Oh, boy...
I don’t think so my dear, first you have to destroy an old friend of mine !Spidercide destroy her!!
Sailor Jupiter was shocked, she saw the same creature they killed weeks ago, It didn’t look the same but she knew it was the one who killed Sailor Venus, the one that took the combined effort of Spiderman, Venom, Sailor Venus, Sailor Moon, Tuxedo Mask and herself to kill, and now he was back and she was alone to fight against it.
In tears she did the only thing she could do.
CROW: She whined about all of her old boyfriends.
If I have to give my life away in order to stop you then I will!! Prepare to die monster!!!
MIKE: She’s dead...
TOM: Give her the red shirt...
Sailor Jupiter grabbed the monster and called for the power of his planet,
MIKE: Either Sailor Jupiter has had a sex change or she’s one of the bad guys!
TOM: Either way, it’s just plain wrong.
then when she was charged she put her fingers on the Spidercide’s head and a huge explosion was heard.- Then she falled down on the grass and the sight she got was horrible, the Spidercide was still alive and showed no signs of damage.
CROW: Don’t you hate when that happens?
Luna got beside her.
TOM: [Luna, as manager] Come on, two more rounds to go...you’ve got him on the ropes!
Please Lita don’t leave us now, if you die then the negaverse will conquer earth, please don’t die!!
MIKE: [Luna] I’m just a bloody cat! I can’t stop him!!
But she received the full discharge of her power, with her last breath of life she said:
CROW: [Lita] The money is buried under a big W...ughhh...
Please.....tell....Serena......that......my......last.....wish.....was.....that.....she.....became....Sailor Moon...again..
TOM: [Lita] ...and could...you not stand...on my...chest...please...?
Then she close her eyes and died peacefully.
ALL: Awwwww.
CROW: I think I can guess what will happen next!
Lita NO!!! Not again, not again!!
MIKE: [Luna] Oh why oh why oh why oh why!!
Then she just hold the girls hand and started crying while the Spidercide celebrated his victory.
CROW: How can Luna hold Lita’s hand?
TOM: With her teeth, maybe?
Another Sailor Scout is dead hahaha!!!! No one can stop me!!!
MIKE: [Spidercide] Except a plot contrivance, maybe.
Nice work Spidercide but there are other two Sailor Scouts out there, look for them until you found them.
TOM: No, there aren’t! They’re all dead meat or invalid! And Sailor Moon quit!
I’ll tear the city apart until I got those brats hahaha!!!!
CROW: Umm, that should be brat.
To be continued........
CROW: Same CRAP time, same CRAP channel!
MIKE: Let’s go.
[*1,2,3,4,5,6,Dog Bone]
[Commercials]
[SoL]
TOM: Mike, this fic is just so predicatble! I feel like I can predict the ending perfectly!
MIKE: Well, what do you guys think will happen?
TOM: I think that by the end, the remaining Sailro Scouts will pick up some sort of Deus Ex Machina plan and totally waste the bad guys!
MIKE: Crow?
CROW: Same here, Nelson.
MIKE: Wow! I was thinking the same thing!
TOM: Y’know, Mike, this story really isn’t that good.
CROW: Hear hear!
[lights and klaxon go off]
TOM: Oh, no! Not even a break?
MIKE: Don’t worry about the break, ‘cause we’ve got FANFIC SIGN!
[Dog Bone,6,5,4,3,2,1,*]
PART 4
ALL: ...on the floor...
ANGELFIRE
When the Spidercide noticed that Sailor Jupiter was dead,
TOM: Noticed? He was doing a victory dance!
he decided to look for Spiderman and Venom using the enhanced spidersense he got to find them.
CROW: [author] Yeah, I know he’s cheating...
Meanwhile Serena was laying unconscious in the grass,
MIKE: As opposed to walking around unconscious as usual.
when a voice awoke her.
Serena, Serena please wake up.
TOM: [mother] Time to go to school!
uh?
CROW: Suddenly, it’s Robotech!
She thought it was Luna, but instead she saw a beautiful lady in front of her.
CROW: Kim Cattrall?
MIKE: Keep dreaming, loverboy.
Who are you?
I’m Queen Serenity, I was your mother thousands of years ago, before the destruction of the moon kingdom.
TOM: [Serenity] I’m that plot contrivance you ordered.
What do you want from me?
CROW: [Serenity] I want my money, b*tch!
MIKE: CROW!
I want you to be Sailor Moon again.- Your friends need you and the ones who died in the battle died because they fight for love and justice, just like you.
MIKE: Actually, they were her frineds. All of them are dead.
No! They died because I wasn’t a good leader, they died because I’m a crybaby, I can’t be Sailor Moon again, I don’t have what it takes.
CROW: But you quit, idiot!
MIKE: This plot is just being laid out for us...
TOM: I can no longer be surprised.
Yes you do, that’s why you were chosen to be the leader of the team in the first place.
CROW: Besides the fact that you had blonde hair and blue eyes.
Now take this, it’s a gift I was going to give you before the destruction of our palace on the moon. Serena received the little box the Queen gave her and when she opened it she saw a beautiful ring with a crescent moon in the center.
MIKE: [falsetto] And it can be all yours for $39.99!
It’s beautiful, is it magic?
TOM: No, this woman appears to you while you’re unconscious and makes a box appear out of thin air. Of course it’s magic!
MIEK: Now, now, Tom, don’t be harsh.
Yes, this ring is known as ANGELFIRE because it’s power combined with the power of any of the other Sailor Scouts overwhelms the power of the Silver Crystal, the only thing you need to do to use it is point it against your opponent and say "Angel fire power, action" then any of the Sailor Scouts must combine it’s power to it and there will be nothing that can survive the shot,
CROW: Is this why Rei is still alive?
you can use it to transform into Sailor Moon too, but you must be very careful, if you’re to close to the target you may be injured by the energy discharge.
MIKE: Or killed.
CROW: But then the fanfic would end.
TOM: Exactly.
Thanks for the gift, but I can’t accept it, I’m not going to be Sailor Moon again no matter what anyone says.
CROW: Oh, yes you will, in about 30 lines.
If you listen to this you may change your mind.
MIKE: Okay, who’s taking this one?
TOM: Okay, What mind?
Then she putted her finger in the forehead of Serena
CROW: Ewww! That’s really graphic!
and she saw the moment when Lita gave her life attempting to destroy the Spidercide and her final words, after this Serena stood up and took ring, finally she only said:
MIKE: [Serena] wow! That finger must have been made by Sony!
Lunar Prism Power! Make up!
ALL: Wonder Twin Powers...ACTIVATE!
CROW: I love doing that...
Then she turned into Sailor Moon, but it wasn’t the same, her suit was totally white,
TOM: [Sailor Moon] Cool! Just like when I was at Bellevue!
and a crescent moon took the place where her transformation clasp used to be; after this she headed towards the park to look for Luna.
Meanwhile Artemis arrived to Rei’s home looking for Mina.
MIKE: [Artemis] Yeah, I had to show up sooner or later. Work’s been kinda slow since I starred in that fic with Oscar. Go figure.
Rei what happened?
CROW: [Rei] Oh, the rest of the scouts got rubbed out. Nothing much, really.
A tree falled on my leg when we were fighting a monster in the park two hours ago, did you find the passageway to the negaverse?
TOM: [Artemis] No, but I found a bridge leading to Hoboken.
I’m afraid not, I thought it could be on the ice regions of Alaska but I found nothing there. By the way do you know were Mina is?
CROW: Insert dramatic chord here.
Artemis came closer please.
TOM: BAD GRAMMAR! BAD GRAMMAR! AGHGAHHHH!
Wha...what is this all about, what happened to her?
MIKE: 3,2,1,...
Mina died during the fight against this monster two weeks ago, Ami is dead also and I don’t know if Lita is still alive, but the worse part is that Serena quitted and she doesn’t want to be Sailor Moon again, look, Luna gave us Serena’s transformation clasp two days ago.
MIKE: ...and impact.
Artemis lost it.
CROW: ...to Oscar.
MIKE: CROW, NO!!!
NO! NO! NO! NO! It cant be, this must be a joke, please tell me it’s a joke, please Rei tell me that they are not dead!....please god no.
TOM: Boy, some joke.
CROW: [Rei] Haha! I fooled you!
Calm down Artemis, this has been hard for all of us, what we need to do now is find out what happened to Lita and...
MIKE: [Rei] ...help me finish my sentences.
Sailor Mars get up from that bed you’re the only one who can help me stop Carnage or whatever that thing’s name is!
CROW: [Rei] Dammit, my leg’s broken! What do you expect me to do?
Rei was stunned, it was Sailor Moon all right, but she looked more like a princess than a Sailor Scout, Artemis was also impressed
TOM: [Artemis] Rrowl!
trying to understand how she transformed without her clasp until he saw the ring on Serena’s right hand.
MIKE: [Artemis] Oh, that poor bull!
I don’t believe this, it’s the Angelfire ring, but how did you get it?
CROW: [Serena] Oh! I dipped this old lady on the train!
Queen Serenity gave it to me, come on Rei there is no time to lose, that monster is out there killing people.
MIKE: [Serena] And breaking stuff, too!
If you haven’t noticed, one of my legs is broken and I can’t move, why don’t you look for Lita to help you.
CROW: Oh, boy...
TOM: Here it comes...
Sailor Moon slapped her.
ALL: REVENGE!!!
CROW: It’s catfight time!
MIKE: Crow...
TOM: Just who does she think she is? Danny Bonaduce?
Lita sacrificed herself attempting to stop the monster while you were here laying in this bed, as the leader of the Sailor Scouts I order you to transform into Sailor Mars and come with me NOW!
MIKE: [Rei] But you quit!
TOM: Umm, Serena, HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO FIGHT WITH A BROKEN LIMB?
MIKE: Take it easy, Tom.
Rei got up using a crutch and turned into Sailor Mars, then both girls and the cat headed towards the park to get Luna.
CROW: The fanfic, meanwhile, screeches to a grinding halt.
They found her crying over Lita’s dead body.- Artemis got beside her.
CROW: If I see another sentence with 'got beside her' in it, I’m going to scream!
Are you O.K. Luna? Were here to help you.
TOM: [Luna] Uh, can you girls speak coherently for once?
Artemis! You’re back! I have terrible news for you, Mina and..
I already now, Rei told me the story, but I have good news for you, please come with me.
CROW: [Artemis] You see, I’m supposed to contradict you all the time, Luna. It’s my scthick.
He leaded her to one of the trees, then he called the girls.
TOM: [yelling] Bleagle! Fleagle! Drooper! Snork! Olly olly oxen-free!
You can come out now!
Luna was shocked when she saw Sailor Moon, the new Sailor Moon.
MIKE: But not necessarily improved Sailor Moon.
Sailor Moon your back!
TOM: [Sailor Moon] What about my back?
CROW: Too easy.
Thank heavens, now we must stop the Spidercide before he kills someone innocent.
TOM: But he’s already killed half the city!
Sailor Moon interrupted her
MIKE: {Sailor Moon] Let’s save our own butts! Forget about them!
I got an idea! Luna do you have the spidertracer Spiderman gave you the last time we saw him?
CROW: Y’know, the plot device from eons back!
Yes, here it is.
Call him we’re going to need all the help we can get.
CROW: I’ll say.
TOM: Deus ex Machina plan in effect, folks.
Then the cat pressed the center of the plastic spider she received from Spiderman weeks ago.
At the same time Peter Parker was resting in his hotel room when his spidersense warned him about the signal emanating from the spidertracer.
The spidertracer! Sailor Moon and the others are in trouble, I’m going to...
MIKE: [Parker] ...wait here and pad the fic.
So you already sensed it , don’t you?
TOM: What?
CROW: I don’t wanna know.
You! Just remember that our alliance will last until we get back home, I don’t like the idea of hanging with you all the time.
MIKE:[Parker] You smell like corn chips and chitterlings.
Neither do I, now stop the chat and change yourself the brats need us again.
CROW: [whoever this is] Boy, he’s a real cheery person!
Parker took his shirt off, showing his Spiderman custome, then he putted his mask on and both heroes headed towards the area where the spidertracer emanated it’s signal, there they found Sailor Moon and Sailor Mars as well as Artemis and Luna.
ALL: It’s the "Get Along Gang"!
What is it now.....¿Sailor Moon?
TOM: VICTOR!! HE’S SPEAKING IN ENGLISH, FOR GODS’ SAKE!!!!
Hey! I changed a little bit but I’m still the same.
TOM: LOGIC SEQUENCER...OVERLOADING...[head explodes in a shower of sparks]
MIKE: Uh-oh.
O.K. O.K., What is it now?
CROW: [whoever’s speaking] What do you want?
Carnage is on the lose again
MIKE: Yeah! He keeps betting on the White Sox!
What? That’s impossible I saw him death weeks ago!
CROW: Boy, Mr. Von Doom must have had a lot of trouble in English class.
Queen Beryl used her power to bring him back to life more powerful that ever, if we don’t stop him once and for all Tokyo will be doomed.
Explained Luna.
MIKE: Um, what about the whole world?
We must find him at once, call your other friends.
CROW: What friends? They’re all dead.
With tears in her eyes
MIKE: ...and air in her brain...
Sailor Mars answered:
The rest of the Sailor Scouts is gone, were the only ones left, look.
CROW: Uhh...what did she say?
MIKE: Grammar problems again...
She pointed to the corpse of Sailor Jupiter.
CROW: Covered in maggots and flies...
MIKE: [nauseated] Was that necessary, Crow?
I don’t understand, this doesn’t look like Carnage’s job, it looks more like she electrocuted herself.
CROW: [Luna] You know, an "accident".
Luna explained to them how Sailor Jupiter killed herself attempting to stop Carnage.
Wait a minute. You’re saying that she discharged her full power and that didn’t had any effect on him?
MIKE & CROW: What?
Yes. I saw it with my own eyes, he started laughing and then he disappeared, Spiderman we needed your help before, now we need you and Venom more than ever.
CROW: [Luna] You’re part of the plot contrivance!
She is right without your help we may not be able to stop this creature.
MIKE: [Artemis] The fanfic, that is.
Added Artemis.
Another talking cat? who are you?
Allow me to present myself , my name is Artemis, I was in a mission in Alaska, I got here just hours ago only to find this disaster.
CROW:[Artemis] I am also "Oscar’s Lover"!
MIKE: STOP IT, CROW!!!
O.K. the first thing we must do is find him, Venom you created this monster now you track him down.
CROW: [Venom] Oh, suddenly I’m the jerk!
I can’t feel his symbiotic custome, he may be far away from here now.
MIKE: Yeah, sure.
Suddenly a figure emerged from a tree in front of them.
I’m more closer than you think dad, now I have enhanced powers that allow me to jam your and spidey’s spidersense, now all of you prepare to die!!
MIKE: Oh, boy...
You killed my friends, now in the name of the moon I’ll punish.....aaah!!
CROW: It’s European Sailor Moon!
Using the new powers of his symbiotic custome the Spidercide fired an energy blast that made Sailor Moon fly against a tree hitting it so hard that she literally passed through it. Sailor Mars and the cats went to her aid.
Sailor Moon are you O.K.?
MIKE: Guys, I just went through a wall. What do you think?
What...was...that? The back of my head hurts a lot,
CROW: [Sailor Moon] I’ve been thinking recently!
please help me get up.
When they lifted her they saw that she was bleeding not only from the back of her head but from several cuts she got when she hitted the three. Luna was the first to worry about her.
MIKE: I think it’s about time for her to die.
My god! You’re bleeding! let’s forget about this now, you’re in no condition to fight, let’s get you to a hospital, we can take on this monster any other time.
CROW: [Luna] Unless, of course, we get killed too.
NO! I don’t care, if I have to die, I will die fighting, Amy, Lita, and Mina died fighting, Rei got her leg broke fighting, I’m not going to be a crybaby this time Luna, I’ll do whatever I have to do to stop this creature, even if it means that I die in the attempt.
MIKE & CROW: Hooray.
Luna was shocked, she never expected to hear those words from Serena, she was worried, but deep inside she was proud of her.- Meanwhile Spiderman, Venom and Tuxedo Mask (who arrived to the scene at that moment) where trying to stop the Spidercide.
MIKE: Neither did I.
So you got a new custome Cassady, but you still the same fool, aren’t you?
CROW: [Venom] I’ve taken up Ebonics!
Don’t call me Cassady, he is dead! I’m the Spidercide now!
MIKE: [Spidercide] I’m cool now!
So you are, well it looks like you’re new custome made you more stupid than you were before, now it’s time to take you back to Ravencroft.
CROW: [Venom] I’ll need you to put on this straightjacket...
Then he fired his web against the Spidercide trying to hold him long enough so Venom could attack him from behind.
CROW: Sayyyyy...
MIKE: Don’t even think about it, Crow.
You’re pathetic web can’t stop me web head, let me show you how to....urkk!! something hit me in the eyes!! A rose! YOU!!
CROW: What did I tell you? So predictable!
I’m here to help the Sailor Scouts to stop you.
MIKE: Yeah, whatever.
Seeing that the Spidercide was distracted Sailor Mars used her power to burn the monster’s hand.
CROW: [Spidercide] Yeowch! Hot stuff!
ahhh! You burned my hand, you little brat!
MIKE: [Spidercide] Oooh! I’m gonna tell your mommy!
Sailor Moon arrived to the scene.
CROW:...late as usual...
Good job Sailor Mars, now we have to make him get a little far so I can use the Angelfire ring to stop him.
Why?
MIKE: So that we can end this crappy fanfic!
I can’t use the power of this ring if he is closer, when he is far enough you have to use the fire of mars when I use the power of this ring to destroy him.
CROW: [Serena] Or something like that.
Leave it to me. Hey Spidercide! Come and get me if you dare!
MIKE: [Mars] Can’t catch me! Nyah nyah!
Sailor Mars what are you doing?
CROW: [Mars] I’m teasing him! What do you think?
Don’t worry about me, I know what I’m doing! Venom give me a hand!
[MIKE & CROW clap]
What can I do for you?
CROW: [Mars] LICK!
MIKE: Crow...
Put me up in that tree please.
MIKE: Hand me up that horse!
What’s the plan?
CROW: ...man?
Just do what I say, and do me another favor, when he gets me you and Spiderman must bond us with web, but be sure to left my hands free.
MIKE: Out of tense again...
I don’t understand, you want to kill yourself?
CROW: [Mars] Anything to get out of this fanfic!
I have no choice.- Please tell Sailor Moon that she is the best friend I ever had.
MIKE: [Mars] She made me look so good!
Moments later Sailor Mars was in top of the tree calling the Spidercide to fight her.
CROW: [Mars] Come and get me, dickweed!
Well, are you afraid of a girl? Come on and fight me!
MIKE: [Mars] Yeah! Take a piece of me!
No! Sailor Mars what are you doing?
Screamed Sailor Moon
MIKE: [Mars] I’m part of your plot device!
The Spidercide accepted the challenge and flew over her.
CROW: [cajun accent] Oh ho! A cha-longe!
So the little crippled girl wants to fight me, O.K. then, just for that I will grant you a quick painless death, by choking you!!
MIKE: As long as we can end this literary train wreck!
Then he putted his hands on Sailor Mars throat, Sailor Mars screamed:
Now bond us! Sailor Moon use the ring now!
CROW: [Yoga] Use...the Schwartz...
Spiderman and Venom cover both of them with web, leaving Rei’ s hands free.
MIKE: For what?
Now I got you monster, this is for Ami, Lita, Mina and me! !NOW SAILOR MOON! !NOW!
No! I can’t kill you!
MIKE & CROW: Yes you can! Yes you can!
Crying, Luna shouted to Sailor Moon
CROW: [Luna] Kill that little slut now!
MIKE: Crow, you’ve got a time-out with your name on it.
!Do it! We have no choice! This is our only chance, if Rei dies then there will be nothing that can stop this creature!....please do it.
CROW: But she’s going to die regardless! Why did Luna say that?
MIKE: Just smile and nod.
Closing her eyes Sailor Moon shouted:
!SPIDERMAN, VENOM TAKE COVER! !ANGELFIRE POWER! !A....A...ACTION!
MIKE & CROW: SUUUUUURGE!!!
Then an incredible blast of light came from the center of the ring, seeing the light coming at her, Sailor Mars invoked her power.
!FIRE OF MARS! !IGNITE!
NOOOO! It can’t end like this! !ahhhhhhh!
CROW: [Rei] Oh, poopie.
Then the light hitted her and the Spidercide, combined with the fire of mars it caused a huge explosion that disintegrated both Sailor Mars and the Spidercide.- Serena fall to her knees crying.
They’re gone....all of them now...Amy, Lita, Mina, Rei....why, why did you leave me...what did I do to deserve this....now I’m alone....what am I going to do to stop the Negaverse....what...what
MIKE & CROW [singing] What will I do...when I grow up to be-ee a woman?...
Tuxedo Mask got beside her.
CROW: ARRRRRGHGHGHGHGHGH! That phrase again!!!
MIKE: Crow! Hang on! The end is near!
Calm down , I will be here for you Sailor Moon, you and me together, We will stop the negaverse, you will see.
MIKE: [Tux] And your little dog too!
Count me in.- I like this place, I’m staying here in Tokyo.
Added Venom.
CROW: [Venom] The chicks are hot here!
What?
You heard me Spiderman, I’m staying here.- This is better for all of us. Sailor Moon needs all the help she can get to stop the negaverse and you will never see me again.
CROW: We don’t want to see you again.
If that is your decision I will not interfere.
MIKE: [priest] So be it...
It was 6:00 p.m. the longest day in the life of Spiderman, Venom, Tuxedo Mask and Sailor Moon was over as well as the menace of Carnage, a menace that costed the life of four of the Sailor Scouts who gave their lives fighting for love and justice.
MIKE: Yeah, whatever.
CROW: Mike, this really sucked.
MIKE: I’m beat. Let’s go.
[MIKE picks up TOM, who is still unconscious, and takes him out of theater.]
[*1,2,3,4,5,6,Dog Bone]
[Bridge. Nanite-scope is down over desk. TOM is lying on desk, with a machine that goes ping beside him. GYPSY is in a nurses’ uniform, and CROW and MIKE are wearing surgical masks.
MIKE: Okay, Nanites, what do you think?
NANITE JAN: Oh, he should be fine, dontcha know...he just needs a little rest.
MIKE: Oh, that’s good.
TOM: [recovering] Ugghghg...agghgh..is it over??
GYPSY: He’s coming to...
TOM: Oh...I had a very wierd dream! You were there [points at MIKE], and you...[points at CROW]. There was this horrible fanfic...
CROW: Hate to break it to you, Servo, but it was real. You just tanked it.
TOM: Ohhhhh....[TOM faints]
[Fade to CREDITS]
THE END
MST3K created by
JOEL HODGSON
MST3K produced by
BEST BRAINS, INC.
riffs written by
SETH C. TRIGGS (trigsc41@buffalostate.edu)
original fanfic written by
VICTOR VON DOOM
Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyright 1997 Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved.
This MiSTing is a work of fiction based upon another work of fiction. I’m not in this for money,
I’m in it for the kicks.
Keep circulating the fics
6 October 1997
I’m the leader of the team, if I say that I’m coming then I’ll go, I made a promise to Sailor Mercury and I’m going to keep.... Uhhhhhhh