(The following was based on a suggestion made by Peter David, and was originally done for a few fans, one of whom suggested I post it here. All characters (c) DC Comics.)
SANDMAN: This is Wesley Dodds, known as the original Sandman, and my ward
Sandy Hawkins, the Golden Boy...
SANDY: Yeah, rub *that* in, will you? It sounded like a good name at the
time. Why not just call me Sandy, like everyone else does?
SANDMAN: Well, for one thing, people might start to wonder...the Sandman
got a partner named Sandy at the same time Wes Dodds adopted an orphan by
that name. Mightn't people guess our secret identities?
SANDY: Hey, it worked for Kato!
DIAN BELMONT: Hi! Sorry I'm late...what's this about Mr. Kaelin?
SANDY: Not *that* Kato! I mean the guy who's the Green Hornet's partner,
just like *I'm* Wes's partner now. I thought you were supposed to be
dead!
DIAN: And I thought *you* were supposed to have been turned into a
monster and locked up in a cage where you couldn't talk for 30 years!
Right now, that sounds like a fine idea to me!
SANDMAN: Look, you two, if we were bound by *every* lame post-Silver Age
revisionist story, we'd never get started! Rich Morrissey's asked us to
do a Sandman Mystery Theatre analysis of a bad comic book...and we've
chosen SUPERMAN #75.
SANDY: Why us?
DIAN: Actually, I think it was Peter David's idea. Having the Sandman and
his associates fill in for the people on MST3K, since we're already in
SANDMAN MYSTERY THEATRE. And since Rich has never seen the TV show, and
can't see it...
SANDY: Yeah! Because he's too cheap to pay for cable!
DIAN: Listen, not *everyone* happens to live in a mansion the way all of
us do!
SANDY: Anyway, didn't Peter mean the *Neil Gaiman* Sandman?
SANDMAN: Well, Rich wanted to use the people *he* grew up with (in reprints,
he wants me to add).
SANDY: Well, okay. Let's get started.
DIAN: All right. This is SUPERMAN #75. The lead story is "The Prankster's
Star Pupil," written by Edmond Hamilton and drawn by Wayne Boring.
SANDY: Wha-aat??!!!
SANDMAN: Dian, I don't think Rich meant *that* SUPERMAN #75. Dian, what's
the date?
DIAN: March-April 1952.
SANDY: No! *This* Superman #75 was the best-selling comic of modern history! It sold over a million copies!
SANDMAN: Well, Clark used to tell me his comic sold over a million and a
half *every* issue...
SANDY: But the market's different now! You have to account for that! Did
that issue Dian's holding get turned into a best-selling novel, and possibly
a movie? Were people hawking signed copies of it as a hot investment?
DIAN: Actually, a copy of *this* issue signed by Edmond Hamilton and Wayne
Boring might not have been that bad an investment. Both of them are dead.
SANDY: Well, *my* copy of the other SUPERMAN #75 is signed by Jerry Siegel!
He's dead...
SANDMAN: Jerry Siegel? I didn't know he had anything to do with *that*
issue...
DIAN: Anyway, where's his signature? I can't find it anywhere!
SANDY: LET'S SEE THAT! You...you opened the BAG??!!!
DIAN: Why not? You said Siegel signed it...
SANDY: On the BAG! The bag wasn't supposed to be opened! That was a
platinum edition!
DIAN: But that doesn't make sense! Why would anyone sign a comic book on
a bag? When I had P.G. Wodehouse sign my copy of RIGHT HO, JEEVES, he
signed the flyleaf, not the dust jacket!
SANDY: Obviously, you know *nothing* about the collector's market...
DIAN: But that doesn't make sense! How can you read the comic book if you
don't open the bag?
SANDMAN: Somehow, I fear that might ultimately have been the wiser choice
...but the die is cast!
SANDY: I *hate* it when you let your pulp influence surface...
SANDMAN: Let us begin! Dian?
(CAPTION: The battle has devastated the better part of America...leaving
a path of destruction almost as long. Earth's mightiest heroes have already
fallen under Doomsday's murderous blitzkrieg. Only one hope...only one
man remains.)
(The scene: a full-page panel showing Superman struggling with Doomsday
on a background of rubble.)
(SUPERMAN: "It stops here, mister! This insanity *ends* in *Metropolis*)
SANDMAN: And to think Sandy was complaining about *my* pulp influences!
At least Gardner Fox had actually *read* the pulps before trying to write
like this!
DIAN: Where's this supposed to be taking place, anyway?
SANDY: Didn't you hear Superman, bright girl? Metropolis, of course!
DIAN: I know, but *where* in Metropolis? There's nothing but huge figures
that take up the whole page!
SANDMAN: Hopefully we'll find out on the next one...
(Scene shows a Metropolis city block with Doomsday shoving Superman into
the panels. Two helicopters are arriving, as are several uniformed men
wearing flying harnesses, shooting ineffectual ray blasts at Doomsday.)
(1st UNIFORMED MAN: Focus your fire on the creature!)
(2nd UNIFORMED MAN: The weapons boys at Project Cadmus say these shock
cannons can take out a *tank*!)
(VOICE FROM HELICOPTER: Move in closer! We're broadcasting this *live*!)
(3rd UNIFORMED MAN: How can we handle this guy when Superman can't? This
might really be...)
(leading in to next page's title...)
DOOMSDAY!
(Credits: Dan Jurgens: Words & Pictures, Brett Breeding: Finished Art; John
Costanza: Letters; Glenn Whitmore: Colors; Jennifer Frank: Assistant;
Mike Carlin: Editor.)
(Scene shows Doomsday holding a battered Superman over his head.)
(DOOMSDAY: HAH!)
(SUPERMAN (T): Have to move faster -- match Doomdsay's speed...or I'm
*done!*)
SANDMAN: *All* those credits? In my day, if the writers and artists got
credit, like Simon and Kirby, they counted themselves lucky!
SANDY: Well, these days people believe in credit where credit is due...
DIAN: I'm not sure I'd *want* my name on this story if *I'd* had anything
to do with it! What's Superman on, steroids? Even Ira Yarbrough didn't
draw him with *that* many muscles!
SANDY: Well, there's such a thing as royalties now...
(Scene: Doomsday has just thrown Superman through the air, crashing into
one of the flying uniformed men, and in turn knocking him into one of the
two helicopters...the one with the Daily Planet logo...much to the dismay
of the pilot and a female passenger.)
(PASSENGER: LOOK OUT!)
(PILOT: Too late, Ms. Lane! Our hydraulic cables have just been sheared
in half!)
(SUPERMAN (T): Blast! All these onlookers and choppers are complicating
matters by getting in the way!)
(1st VOICE FROM 2nd HELICOPTER: It's getting nasty here, Ms. Grant! We
better back off!)
(2nd VOICE FROM 2nd HELICOPTER: No way! We are *not* going to miss the
story of the century!)
DIAN: *Another* full-page panel?
SANDMAN: This story seems to be *all* full-page panels!
SANDY: Didn't you know? That was the idea of the whole group working on
the Superman titles! They did a sort of countdown...an issue with four
panels on every page, then three, then two, and then one. It's supposed
to add power to the story.
DIAN: I heard somewhere that John Byrne tried to do that with a Hulk story,
and Jim Shooter rejected it. And I daresay he'd have written and drawn
it better than this Jurgens fellow.
SANDY: Aw, *that's* not fair. We had our share of full-panel pages from
time to time.
SANDMAN: But at least Jack Kirby knew how to stage them...
DIAN: Say, since when does Metropolis have flying cops?
SANDY: I don't think those are cops. They're soldiers from Project Cadmus.
DIAN: Project Cadmus? What's that? All those million people picking up
this issue for the first time must have been *really* confused!
SANDY: Well, most of them had enough sense not to open the *bag!*
DIAN: You're right there...
SANDMAN: Enough! Dian, Project Cadmus is...a bit hard to explain. It's
a government project that's been around the Superman comics a lot since
John Byrne rebooted the continuity. They have super-scientific weapory,
and can clone people from cells.
DIAN: That was Byrne's idea? Not a bad one!
SANDMAN: Well, actually no. Roger Stern and Ron Frenz introduced it. But
it was based on a pre-Crisis project our old friend Jack Kirby introduced
in JIMMY OLSEN in the early '70's, the DNA Project. They even cloned
our pals, the Guardian and the Newsboy Legion!
SANDY: Look, you two can catch up on old times later! Let's get back to
the story!
(Scene: Superman has caught the damaged helicopter and is flying it down
to the ground. We can now see three figures inside: the pilot, Lois Lane,
and Jimmy Olsen.)
(JIMMY: Man, I don't believe this! I may be getting the greatest pictures
ever -- but it's costing us half the city!)
(LOIS: Superman, are you all right? You look so...so...)
(SUPERMAN: I'd like to get you two as far from danger as possible but I
just don't have the time! No telling how many lives Doomsday could take
while I'm gone!)
DIAN: "You *two?*" I know Jimmy and Lois are his closest friends, but
doesn't he care about poor old Jumbo?
SANDY: Jumbo? He doesn't look like an elephant to me!
DIAN: The pilot of the Flying Newsroom. Or at least he used to be before
Jimmy learned to fly it himself.
(SCENE: Superman has landed the helicopter and is talking to Lois, while
Jimmy still takes pictures. Doomsday is tossing a police car and a truck
about. No sign of Jumbo.)
(JIMMY: He's shrugging off that cannon like it was nothing! He's UNSTOPPABLE!)
(LOIS: Please, maybe you should retreat and get help! If Jimmy is right. )
(SUPERMAN: Too late, Lois. The JLA has already fallen and there are too
many innocents in jeopardy right now! It's up to *me*)
DIAN: Lois is right! It's not as if the JLA were the only heroes DC had!
What about the Titans, the Doom Patrol, the Spectre, Dr. Fate, the New
Gods...
SANDMAN: Well, I suppose they were busy elsewhere. You know, the usual
stuff.
(SCENE: Superman and Lois kissing passionately, as Jimmy politely looks
the other way.)
(LOIS: Clark...I...)
(SUPERMAN: Just remember...no matter what happens...I'll always love you.
*Always.*)
SANDY: Aw, how *sweeeetttt!*
DIAN: Say, what happened to Lois's glasses? I'm so *sick* of that nonsense
of the woman taking off her glasses for a moment of passion...doesn't
she want to *see* her loved one's last stand clearly? And she's dyed her
hair, too!
SANDY: Well, whatever it was, it seems to have worked! They were married
a couple of months ago...gee, only took 'em 58 years! Dian, has Wes ever
proposed to *you?*
DIAN: Why, you little...
SANDMAN: Please! Let's try to stop the bickering, or we'll *never* get
through the story!
(SCENE: A passionate Superman plunges toward the reader, Lois and Jimmy
looking on.)
(SUPERMAN: But now -- *Doomsday* gets his.)
(LOIS: Wait! Come back. *Please* come back.)
(JIMMY: Wow, I don't think I've ever seen the big guy so fired up!)
DIAN: Wouldn't it make more sense if he get a Phantom Zone projector first?
SANDY: Because he doesn't *have* a Phantom Zone projector, you nitwit! John Byrne
got rid of all that Silver Age stuff in 1986, along with the power reduction.
DIAN: Power reduction? If I were Clark, I'd be mad as hell at Byrne *now!*
SANDY: You don't understand! With less power, Superman wouldn't always
be able to stop everyone without breaking a sweat! There'll be times...
like this!...when brawn is useless, so he'll *have* to use his brains!
SANDMAN: Well, let's see...
(SCENE: Superman flying upside down towards Doomsday, fists clenched.)
(SUPERMAN: Nobody tears apart *my* city and gets away with it! I don't
know what hole you crawled out of or where he came from -- but I'm sending
you *back!*)
SANDMAN: "My" city? The Clark I knew was a lot less provincial...
DIAN: Say, where *did* he come from, anyway?
SANDY: Well, it turns out he was a child bioengineered by alien scientists
on Krypton. That's why he's even stronger than Superman.
SANDMAN: So why doesn't he try using kryptonite on him? Or doesn't he
have any kryptonite any more, either?
SANDY: Actually, he does. Or at least, Batman has a piece Superman gave
him for safekeeping. But Superman doesn't *know* about the Krypton
connection yet.
SANDMAN: And he can't guess that he *might,* with all that strength? Even
my JSA comrade Johnny Thunder would have thought of trying *that* by now.
Yes, he's really using his brains, all right...
(SCENE: A sky view of Metropolis, with three flying Cadmus cops and the
surviving helicopter watching the fight from above, as Superman punches
Doomsday into a bus right in front of the DAILY PLANET building. The blonde
woman the pilot had addressed as "Ms. Grant" leans out of the helicopter.)
(PILOT: Can you believe that? If this keeps up we won't have a city left!)
(MS. GRANT: Stay close so we can keep up the broadcastI The whole country
will want to see Superman kick this creep's butt!)
(CADMUS SOLDIER: I want to keep firing but it's impossible! They're moving
too fast!)
DIAN: Who's the other reporter?
SANDY: Cat Grant. She used to work for the Daily Planet, but now works
for the Galaxy Broadcasting System, owned by Morgan Edge.
SANDMAN: I remember! Didn't he used to *own* the Daily Planet?
SANDY: Well, he did according to Jack Kirby. Not according to Roger Stern,
and that's the continuity the comics are following now.
DIAN: Tell me, why did they have to change the continuity all around anyway?
SANDY: Marv Wolfman said it was necessary to simplify the DC Universe...
DIAN: Oh.
(SCENE: Doomsday once again shoving Superman's face into the pavement.)
(DOOMSDAY: BAH HAA!)
(SUPERMAN: Can't -- UHF!)
(SCENE: Having temporarily knocked out Superman, Doomsday lumbers toward
the nearest other people, Lois and Jimmy.)
(DOOMSDAY: HURM?)
(JIMMY: Stay back, Miss Lane! We don't need to get that close to get a
decent picture!)
DIAN: "Miss Lane?" Since when does anyone call a co-worker "Miss" these
days?
SANDY: Oh, that was something Byrne started. He had Jimmy calling Lois
and Clark "Miss Lane" and "Mr. Kent," because that's what he did on the
original TV show.
DIAN: But that show was in the '50's! Office ettiquette has changed a bit
since then! Hasn't Byrne ever worked in an office? Or Jurgens? Does
Jurgens call his co-workers "Mrs. Simonson" and "Mr. Bogdanove?"
(LOIS: We can't worry about pictures! Superman is in trouble -- and I
intend to help him!)
SANDY: Oh, that's *real* clever, Lois! The guy's just knocked out Superman,
and *you* think you've got a chance?
(SCENE: Doomsday lumbers closer to Lois and Jimmy. Superman's fist bursts
through the ground behind Doomsday.)
(DOOMSDAY: GRRRRRR)
(JIMMY: I don't think we're going to get that chance! Grizzly is coming
this way!)
(LOIS: Move while you can, Jimmy! I'll distract him while you run!)
(SCENE: Lois is now on her hands and knees, with Doomsday still approaching
as Superman punches him from behind.)
(SUPERMAN: Enough, Doomsday! If you want to get your hands on my friends
-- you're going to have to kill me first!)
SANDY: Oooh! Talk about foreshadowing...
(DOOMSDAY: BARRH!)
(LOIS: What is he? What does he want?)
SANDY: Say, what's Lois doing on her hands and knees? She was standing
before, and Doomsday still hasn't gotten to her.
DIAN: Probably looking for her glasses. I *knew* she shouldn't have taken
them off!
SANDY: And what's Superman doing to Doomsday? Hitting him...or goosing
him?
DIAN: Well, it *looks* as if he's trying to knock him down, right on top
of Lois. Doomsday's legs seem to be cut off at the knees, too.
SANDMAN: It *would* have made more sense if, when he'd emerged from the
ground, he'd come up *between* Doomsday and Lois.
(SCENE: Superman hits Doomsday with a blast of heat vision, knocking him
into the Daily Planet building. Lois is on her feet again.)
(SUPERMAN: He wants destruction and death! To stop him I have to be every
bit as ferocious -- and unrelenting as he is!)
(LOIS: But...you *can't!* He wants to kill...and you...you can't!)
DIAN: Well, looks like Lois got up in time. But why is she running between
Superman and Doomsday?
SANDMAN: I suppose the alternative was to be crushed between Doomsday and
the building. Still, this battle could use better staging.
SANDY: But what Jurgens is trying to do is give us good old, no-holds-bar
red, edge-of-your-seat slugfest! Just like Stan Lee and Jack Kirby used
to do at Marvel!
DIAN: I wouldn't know. Never read 'em.
SANDMAN: I did, but Lee and Kirby always tried to explore the motivations
of their characters, heroes and villains alike. Not here, not in the
previous chapters, *never* in the subsequent stories have I seen any motivation
given for Doomsday.
SANDY: Well, that's true. I guess I'll have to say it...
SANDMAN: Much as I've tried to avoid it, you're right. Together now...
SANDMAN AND SANDY: MR. JURGENS, WE *KNEW* JACK KIRBY! JACK KIRBY WAS A
*FRIEND* OF OURS! AND BELIEVE US, MR. JURGENS, YOU ARE *NO* JACK KIRBY!
(And, on that note, we'll adjourn! Continued...)
SUPERMAN MYSTERY THEATRE 1992 (CONTINUED)
By Rich Morrissey
SANDMAN: Welcome back to SANDMAN MYSTERY THEATRE! I'm Wes Dodds, and these
are my friends Dian Belmont and Sandy Hawkins, and today we're continuing
our review of SUPERMAN #75! But first...
DIAN: Yes, we've been at this for less than a day, and already we're getting
mail! This from Panda7I0@aol.com, regarding Wesley's questioning of
Doomsday's motivation...
<<Well, in HUNTER/PREY, the theory was that when Doomsday encountered Superman,
Doomsie somehow sensed he was a Kryptonian. Once he made the connection
with Superman and the site of his endless tortures (and the *worst*
use of pre-Darwinian evolutionary theory I've ever seen in comics), he
presumably wanted to destroy Supes to remove such a reminder.> >
SANDMAN: Well, I guess *that* explains it. Of course, there's still no
rationale for all the *other* people and things Doomsday smashed away at,
but I suppose it's better than nothing.
DIAN: Well, last time, we left Superman and Doomsday in the midst of a
battle in front of the Daily Planet building, with Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen
looking on in horror...
(SCENE: Doomsday raises one knee, and one of the jagged bones on it catches
Superman on the chin.)
(DOOMSDAY: HYAA!)
(SUPERMAN: Bony protrusions...so sharp...he *cut me!*)
SANDY: Whatta wimp! It's not as if it's the first time, judging from all
that blood on you!
DIAN: Listen, Mr. Macho Man, I'd like to see *you* take on a monster like
that!
SANDY: Well, if *I* had Superman's powers...
SANDMAN: Actually, if *I* had his powers I'd have dug up the ground underneath
Doomsday and flown him to the moon, or some other distant planet where
he couldn't hurt anyone. Or flown away at super-speed and come back
with a chain made of Kryptonian metal.
SANDY: Where's the fun in *that?* That'd be just like those boring Silver
Age Superman stories! Besides, in the current continuity Kryptonian
material isn't any stronger than anything else. It's strictly a matter of
biology that gives Superman his powers.
(SCENE: Doomsday's bony fist punches Superman in the face, drawing more
blood.)
(DOOMSDAY: HA HAAA!)
(SUPERMAN (T): I'm hurt bad...can barely stay conscious! *Unnngh!* Must
...take him down...now!)
(SCENE: Superman and Doomsday continue to struggle.)
(SUPERMAN (T): If those bones are just extensions of his skeleton--! *Yes*!
I've finally managed to *hurt* him!)
DIAN: Mmmm! He never *used* to have a hairy chest like that! Not like
Batman's. In the old days, he never used to have hair at all, except in
the places he had it when he came from Krypton as a baby. He just had the
hair on his head, and eyebrows and eyelashes...and even *they* never grew
longer!
SANDY: Something else Byrne must have changed! A little bit after that,
I recall, he was walking around with hair down to his shoulders!
DIAN: But back then that was the *only* hair he had to speak of! No hair
on his chest, or his face, or his arms, or his legs, or his...
SANDMAN: I *get* the point, Dian! Come to think of it, how do *you* know
all that?
DIAN: Don't you remember the beach party the JSA had on the Riviera, just
after V-E Day? You took me, and Superman took Lois...
SANDMAN: All right, all *right!*
SANDY: You're disgusting, Dian! Why couldn't Wes have taken *me?* I always
wondered what Diana had under that costume...
DIAN: *That's* why, you little pig! He wasn't about to get in trouble with
the authorities for corrupting a minor...
SANDMAN: Can we get back to the story?
(SCENE: Superman and Doomsday are still pounding away at each other.)
(SUPERMAN (T): Exhausted...but I have to keep fighting...until I drop --
or he does!)
(BYSTANDER: They hit each other so *hard* the windows are *shattering!*)
(JIMMY: Watch out for falling glass!)
(SCENE: Superman clasps his arms over his head, preparing to throw a final
punch.)
(DOOMSDAY: RRRRRRR!)
(SUPERMAN (T): This is *it!* Looks like we're both betting everything we've
got on this one! For Lois and Jimmy...for this *entire city*...I've
got to put this guy away while I still can!)
SANDY: Great shot of his hairy chest, eh, Dian? Bet you wish the Comics
Code hadn't made sure his tights and the underwear outside them stayed in
tact, despite everything *else* Doomsday's done to him!
DIAN: Shut *up,* Sandy!
SANDMAN: Something's occurred to me, though. If Superman's other hair
grows now, why doesn't he have a beard?
SANDY: He does! He has to *shave* now, just like the rest of us guys!
DIAN: But how, if his hair is indestructible?
SANDY: Byrne explained that! He reflects his heat vision off a chunk of
his Kryptonian rocket!
SANDMAN: But didn't you say Kryptonian material wasn't indestructible any
longer? If *that's* true, why doesn't he just melt the piece of rocket?
SANDY: Why...um...that is...
DIAN: Congratulations, Wes! You *finally* shut him up! And just in time
for the moment of truth, too!
(CAPTION: Like weary boxers who have gone the distance, the combatants
collide in one last, explosive effort. In the years to come a few witnesses
will tell of the power of these final punches...that they could literally
*feel* the shockwaves. Others will remember the enormous crater that
resulted from the sheer force of the blows. But most will remember this
sad day--)
(SCENE: Superman brings his clenched fists down on Doomsday's head, at
the same time Doomsday lands an uppercut on Superman.)
DIAN: I've taken aerobics, but I could never get into a position like that
if I tried for an hour...let alone in the middle of a fight! Could you, Wes?
SANDMAN: I don't think so! Of course, I'm not a Kryptonian, either...
(CAPTION: --as the day the proudest, most noble man they ever knew -- finally
fell. For those who loved him -- one who would call him husband --
one who would be his pal--)
SANDY: I hate these run-on captions! You can hardly get a word in edgewise!
DIAN: Well, I knew they had to be good for *something!*
(SCENE: Close-up of Lois and Jimmy, with the final punch reflected in the
lens of Jimmy's Lexcam camera.)
(CAPTION: --or those who would call him son -- this is the darkest day they
could ever imagine. They raised him to be a hero...to know the value
of sacrifice. To know the value of life.)
(SCENE: Jonathan Kent embraces a tearful Martha, as they watch the aftermath
of the battle on TV.)
DIAN: She's crying but he isn't? Talk about stereotypes!
(CAPTION: And for those who served with Superman in the protection of all
life -- comes the shock of failure. The weight of being too late to help.)
(SCENE: A group of people, mostly civilians but with two costumed figures
-- a black man in a white uniform and a young but white-haired woman --
in the foreground -- are staring in shock. All but the costumed people are in tears.)
SANDY: Jurgens must've heard you! There're guys as well as girls crying
*here!*
DIAN: Fine! So Clark's own *father* isn't crying for him, but total strangers
are? Not to mention his fellow heroes...who *are* those two, anyway?
SANDY: Well, the girl used to be called the Ice Maiden, but now she's simply
Ice. I guess that means she finally...
DIAN: That's *enough,* Sandy! What about the man?
SANDY: Well, he's called Bloodwynd, and he's really the Martian Manhunter
...only he really isn't...you see he used to be a slave on a plantation and...
well, it's really too long to go into now. I think we're almost done...
(SCENE: Double-page spread, with Ice, Bloodwynd and the others in the
background, as Lois holds the fallen Superman in her arms. Jimmy stands
nearby with his camera.)
(LOIS: Please hang on! The paramedics will be here any second! *Please!*)
(SUPERMAN: Doomsday...is he...is he...)
(LOIS: You stopped him! You saved us all! Now relax until--)
(CAPTION: But it's too late. For this is the day--)
(SCENE: Lois weeping uncontrollably on another double-page spread as Jimmy
snaps a picture. Superman's cape, caught on a stick, flutters in the
background.)
(CAPTION: --that a *Superman died.)
DIAN: That's *it?* He punches away at this monster until he drops dead?
And the monster just *happens* to die at the *exact same moment?*
SANDMAN: Well, of course we all know Superman wasn't *completely* dead.
And neither, it turns out, was Doomsday. So they had to...
DIAN: I was afraid of that. Wesley, next time could we *please* discuss
a *good* Superman story? Like "The Prankster's Star Pupil"?
SANDMAN: We'll see. But I'm afraid Cheeks liked the idea so much he's
threatened to send Rich a copy of a comic book he'd never have bought in a
million years, one that makes this story read like WATCHMEN...
DIAN: No! Surely you don't mean...
SANDMAN: I'm afraid so. Get ready for the thrilling adventures of the
one and only...KYLE RAYNER!
DIAN and SANDY: ARRGGGHHHH!!!