"Awww, bloody 'ell," Pete Wisdom moaned as he looked at the screen. "Oy, Kitty. Come an' take a look at this."
"What?" she replied from the bathroom.
"Bleedin' junk mail, that's wot! It's bad enough we get that crap through the door every mornin', now they've got it on the internet an' all!"
"Welcome to the nineties, Pete," Kitty replied, coming out of the bathroom. She leaned over his shoulder to look at the screen, tapping briefly on the keyboard. "Let's just have a look...wow! *How* many newsgroups was that cross-posted to?"
In alt.comics.fan-fiction Angela Meade wrote:
> Surviving The Millenium
"I didn't know the Millenium could be dangerous."
"Well if it's anything like that last New Year's Eve party it could be downright bloody fatal..."
> A Handbook for the Survival of the Inner Self
"Complete with index, a map of the London Underground, and a guide to the best restaurants in Peckham! Yours for only forty-five pounds and ninety-nine pence!"
> Learn the secrets of making it into the next century without a mental or metaphysical meltdown.
"You see, Pete? I told you we should have taken that nuclear reactor out of the bathroom."
> Learn the simple steps to meditation and a renewel of the spirit.
"Renewal of the spirit?"
"Good idea, luv. I'm almost out of whisky..."
> Simple, easy to read; no degrees needed
"Written in large print in words of one syllable."
"Yeah, even the bleedin' Russian terminator could understand it."
"Pete..."
> Learn how to change your life and understand some of the strange patterns in your life and how to
> change them.
Pete and Kitty exchanged glances.
"How to change...understand...and change them...to change and..." Pete muttered, shaking his head. "Nope, you lost me there."
"Well now we know that the path to truth and oneness with the inner self involves renouncing the rules of grammar."
> Send $12.95 plus $3.00 shipping to:
"Gullible Sod Press,
P.O.Box Ain'tCapitalismGreat,
Bullshit, Mr."
> Light Millenium Press
> P.O. Box 395
> Hurley, Ms39555
"Oy, Kitty? What was that stuff you were tellin' me about mailbombin' people...?"
--
Phil - who prefers to achieve oneness with a pint of Scrumpy...
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Phil Foster | ian@wire.co.uk
"Moines a pint a scrumpy!"
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7746
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