[[Season 9's opening song.]]
[[On the Satellite of Love, Crow and Tom Servo are on screen discussing comics.]]
CROW: No, no, no, Robin could beat Wolverine any day!
SERVO: [gasps] Are you KIDDING?! THE Wolverine beaten by [breaks into laughter] ROBIN, Boy Blunder?!
CROW: It depends on what Wolverine you're talking about. Claremont Wolverine, Adamantiumized Wolverine, Hama's Noseless Wolverine, Claremont's Wolverine #125-#128, or Larsen's yet-to-be-seen Wolverine!
SERVO: Oh. You have a point there.
[[Mike Nelson walks on screen.]]
MIKE: Hey guys, what're you doing?
CROW: We're discussing the famous Wolverine Vs. Robin fight.
MIKE: I thought it was Wolverine Vs. Sabretooth?
CROW: Get with the times, Mike! Intercompany crossovers are what's hot now!
SERVO: No matter how bad they're written, people eat 'em up!
[[A light suddenly flashes.]]
MIKE: Oh, look, Ursula is calling.
[[Castle Forrester]]
[[Bobo and Pearl are seen on screen. Bobo is in a dress and has a blonde wig.]]
PEARL: Ready for your invention exchange, Mike?
[[SOL]]
MIKE: Uh, Pearl, we haven't done that since Dr. F left.
PEARL: Oh. You're right. I don't know where my mind's been today.
BOBO: You mean I dressed like a woman for no reason?! How embarassing.
PEARL: Bobo, entertain our guests while I get their experiment.
[[Pearl walks off screen. Brain Guy enters the room and notices Bobo in the dress and wig.]]
BRAIN GUY: Why, hello, there. I haven't seen you here before.
BOBO: Um...Brain Guy...
BRAIN GUY: You know my name? Splendid! You know, you have the most ravashing eyes.
BOBO: [Giggles] Thanks.
BRAIN GUY: Would you like to go to a movie sometime?
BOBO: Sure!
[[Bobo and Brain Guy walk off screen. Pearl arrives.]]
PEARL: I swear I can't get Brain Guy to do ANYthing right. Well, Nelson, your experiment today is a fanfic starring the X-Men....
[[SOL]]
CROW: All right!
[[Castle Forrester]]
PEARL: ....and the Transformers.
[[SOL]]
SERVO: Nooo! Not another crossover!
[[Lights start flashing everywhere]]
MIKE: We've got fanfic sign!!
[[1....2....3....4...5....6...]]
> The X Factor
> (or The Transformers vs. the X-Men)
SERVO: Mike, I can already tell it's evil! No matter how cool the Transformers are, I can't see a crossover with them and the X-Men happening!
MIKE: It'll be okay, Tom.
> by Becky Roman (broman@athena.hood.edu)
CROW: At least we know where to FIND her.
> Well, here it is -- the crossover you never thought you'd see!
> Come to think of it, there ARE some stranger ones out there....
SERVO: Yeah. There could be an X-Men/Teletubbies crossover.
CROW: Or an X-Men/Bill Gates crossover.
[[All shudder]]
> Anyway, this was actually my first fanfic,
SERVO: Bad sign.
> which I began last year but put it aside in favor of others,
CROW: Obviously some people don't listen very well.
> and now I am resurrecting it.
ALL: BOOOOO!
> Any comments, flames, and other communication will be appreciated.
> I don't bite -- I only nibble a bit. :)
MIKE: Thanks for the mental image.
> Disclaimer time (collective groan): The Transformers are owned
> by Hasbro and various other companies (namely, not me). The X-Men
> are owned by Marvel and probably some other companies too (also not
> me).
CROW: Well, duh.
> Other than Phantom, who is my creation, somebody else holds
> the rights to these characters. (Whew! Glad that's over!)
SERVO: So are we! Can we go now?!
MIKE: I don't think so.
> Chapter One
CROW: Coming this fall from Marvel Comics!
> "Just when I thought I'd seen everything," grumbled Wolverine
MIKE: Celine Dione, Hanson, and the Spice Girls went on a world together.
> as he scowled at the newspaper's front page. "'GIANT ROBOTS ATTACK
> NUCLEAR POWER PLANT'.
SERVO: [[Homer Simpson]] "In case of Giant Robot attack, run like hell."
> And I thought the Sentinels were bad news!"
> "I thought you didn't read The Enquirer," Cyclops commented,
MIKE: [[Logan]] But the articles on Princess Di, Monica Lewinsky, and Leonardo Dicaprio are SO interesting!
> his voice slightly muffled. He withdrew his head from the
> refrigerator, a carton of orange juice in his hand.
> "Giant robots? Give me a break," Jubilee groaned. "That
> reporter's becoming as loony as the nuts he writes about.
CROW: [[Jubilee]] I mean, it's not like we've seen WEIRDER things than giant robots.
MIKE: [[Cyclops]] Are you saying there's something strange about having a wife that died, got put in a cocoon, was replaced by an entity, resurrected, got cloned again, had my kid, died, and resurrected again?
> Hey, can I have the funnies?"
CROW: If Jubilee doesn't keep up with "Family Circus", she gets cranky.
> "Let me see that," said Phantom. Wolverine handed her the
> newspaper. She brushed back her long black hair as she skimmed the
> article. "If this attack on the power plant is genuine, we could
> have a problem on our hands."
MIKE: Nah, some other super powered team will handle it.
> "Problem?" inquired a thick Cajun accent. "Mais mademoiselle,
> there can be no problem when Gambit is around. Bonjour, mes amis."
> "Bonjour, Gambit," Phantom replied. "Comment allez-vous?"
CROW: [[Gambit]] I was poorly written for several years, the writers SOMEHOW managed to link me with the Mutant Massacre, I was left in Antarctica, and now I'm stuck in this crappy crossover. You?
> "Ah, comme-ci comme-ca, chere. Can't complain. What's this
> about a problem?"
SERVO: [[As Phantom]] Someone forgot to take Wolverine on his walk again.
> "Somebody's been sniffin' news ink too long," growled
> Wolverine.
> Phantom held out the newspaper. "Look at this, Gambit. I may
> have just joined the X-Men, but I've seen my share of weird things.
> I don't think we should dismiss this so easily."
> "Can't I at least finish my Wheaties before I save the world?"
SERVO: Wheaties! The breakfast of saving-the-world-do-gooders!
CROW: With special Kitty in bikini box!
> Jubilee complained.
CROW: Again, and again, and again, and AGAIN.
> <Professor> , Phantom called out telepathically. <I think you
> should come look at this.>
MIKE: [[Phantom]] Nightcrawler's chasing his tail AGAIN.
> <On my way, Phantom> , Professor Xavier replied, using his own
> telepathic powers.
> Several minutes later, the Professor glided in on his yellow
> hoverchair. Cyclops addressed him. "Good morning, Professor.
> Would you like some orange juice?"
CROW: And now, another installment of "The Brady X-Men Bunch."
> He held out the container.
SERVO: Then Wolverine cut his hand off.
> "No thanks, Scott." Cyclops shrugged as he drained his glass.
> The Professor smiled. "It is nice to have a peaceful breakfast for
> once, though.
CROW: [[As Professor]] Without having ANOTHER foodfight. I won't mention where that pancake Gambit threw landed!
> What did you want to show me, Laurie?"
CROW: [[As Phantom]] Later, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
MIKE: Crow!
> "I'm worried about this." Phantom pointed out the bold-faced
> article on the newspaper's front page.
SERVO: [[As Professor, reading headling]] "Bill Gates says Windows 98 is useless". Nothing weird here...
> "Giant robots aren't the usual headline material."
CROW: What about the freaking SENTINELS?!?!?!
> "Hmm," the Professor murmured as he glanced over the article.
> "They obviously aren't Sentinels. I wonder -- could the government
> create such robots? Judging from this picture, each robot is
> different. The Sentinels are invariably the same and are made from
> the same mold. No, I don't think that this has anything to do with
> the Sentinels.
SERVO: Do you think this has anything to do with the Sentinels?
MIKE: [[As Professor]] Nope.
CROW: You sure?
MIKE: [[As Professor]] I'm sure this has absolutely nothing to do with the sentinels.
SERVO: Are you really sure?
MIKE: [[As professor]] Nothing to do with the sentinels.
SERVO: Thanks for clearing that up.
> I'm glad you brought this to my attention,
> Phantom."
> Wolverine snorted. "Don't tell me you're falling for some
> pathetic journalist's attempt to win a Pulitzer."
CROW: Yeah, a headline about giant robots is going to win a pulitzer.
SERVO: Mike, do you know how to write a newspaper article?
MIKE: Nope. Why do you ask?
SERVO: Oh. No reason. Never mind, then.
> The Professor reached for the stack of waffles in the center
> of the table. "Wolverine, I've learned to never dismiss anything
> that seems unusual, or even impossible. You -- in fact, all of us
> at this table -- are living proof that the impossible can happen."
CROW: Yeah, they've all had at least ONE limited series!
> Phantom grinned. "Maybe the rest of the world fears and hates
> us, but I enjoy being different. It must be horribly boring to be
> normal."
SERVO: It must be horribly boring to have to BE in this crossover.
> "I imagine so," the Professor chuckled. "Anyway, we cannot
> afford to dismiss anything that seems impossible, for we know that
> nothing is truly impossible."
CROW: How many times is he going to clarify something for us?
> "I can use Cerebro to find out more about these robots,"
> Phantom suggested.
> Professor Xavier nodded at her. "Thank you, Phantom. We need
> to find out whatever we can. Jean can lend a hand if you need it."
> * * * * *
SERVO: And then, stars were born!
CROW: Does, that, mean, like, this was BEFORE they were stars?
MIKE: Bad joke, Crow.
> "I'm worried, Prowl," stated the Autobot leader. "The
> Decepticons' attacks have gotten more aggressive in their quest for
> energy."
MIKE: They ARE villains, after all..
> "Don't worry about it, Prime. I'm already thinking of
> strategical moves to make against the Decepticons."
> "But that's not my main concern, Prowl.
MIKE: Really? Are you not worrying about it?
SERVO: I AM GETTING TIRED OF PEOPLE EXPLAINING THINGS TWICE!
CROW: You're getting tired?
> As leader of the Autobots, it is my duty to protect the beings of this planet. In a
> way, it is my fault that the Decepticons are on Earth." Optimus
> Prime looked distressed. "If I hadn't ordered the Autobots to take
> the Ark, our largest spaceship, and search for energy, we never
> would have crashed on this planet."
CROW: Exposition sighted at 12 o' clock!
> Prowl spoke patiently, attempting to reassure his leader.
> "You know that it's not your fault, Optimus. We were desperately
> low on energy, and the Decepticons were planning to use their
> energy to take control of the entire universe! We had to search
> for energy to put a halt to their conquest of Cybertron. Also, we
> never would have had to crash-land on this planet in the first
> place if the Decepticons hadn't attacked us in space."
> Prime spoke thoughtfully. "Perhaps you're right, Prowl. You
> know that you are my most trusted advisor. But I can't help
> feeling responsible for the destruction of the Earthlings'
> property, not to mention the injuries that they have suffered at
> the hands of the Decepticons. What's worse, I had hoped to conceal
> our presence on this planet. That is one of the reasons why we can
> transform and hide our true nature from the beings that habitate
> this world. The Decepticons have now made our concealment
> impossible. I fear that our presence alone will cause panic."
CROW: At least he didn't say the same thing 3 times.
> "It is true that the Decepticons will cause untold damage to
> this world, unless we stop them," agreed Prowl. "We have no choice
> but to expose ourselves to stop them."
MIKE: Not one word, Crow!
> "If only there were some other way," Prime mused. "If only
> there were a way to win the humans' trust. If only they could
> learn to trust us, instead of fearing us. We could do much as
> allies."
MIKE: If only we didn't have to read this.
> Prowl shook his head. "That would take a lot of work,
> Optimus. I don't know if we can ever forge an alliance with the
> humans. Our efforts would be better spent on stopping the
> Decepticons from draining this world of its energy. I'm going to
> double-check the Ark's security defenses. I suggest you focus your
> thoughts on stopping the Decepticon menace."
CROW: Well since that's what they do ANYWAY...
> Prime watched as his advisor left the room, then let his head
> droop slightly. If only there were a way to stop the Decepticons
> from destroying this planet, as they had done to the Transformers'
> beloved planet of Cybertron. He felt the burden of responsibility
> bearing down on him heavily.
> * * * * *
SERVO: Before The Transformers Were Stars will continue after this commercial break.
> "Amazing," murmured Phantom.
CROW: [[As Phantom]] This fanfic has managed to have gotten worse!
> "What have you found?" Jean asked.
SERVO: [[As Phantom]] There appears to be a big yellow bird....
> Phantom sat up straight in her chair, removing the helmet that
> had connected her to Cerebro, the incredibly powerful supercomputer
> that used telepathy to function.
CROW: Yes, folks, Cerebro, too is ran on Windows 98.
MIKE: Unfortunately, it keeps breaking down and needs fixing.
> Jean Grey was usually the one to
CROW: Leave the toilet seat up.
> use Cerebros, aside from Professor X, but the Professor had decided
> that his new pupil would benefit from learning how to interact with
> Cerebro.
> "I think," Phantom said slowly, "that we should call a
> meeting. This information needs to be shared with everyone."
> <Professor> , she thought. <I believe that all of the X-Men need to
> hear my findings.>
SERVO: [[Professor]] If this is another X-Files fanfic, I swear I'm gonna...
> <Agreed> , replied the Professor. <X-Men, there will be a
> meeting held in the War Room in five minutes. Your attendance is
> mandatory.>
MIKE: [[Wolverine]] Let's skip the meeting and go to the Stop 'N Go!
> Exactly five minutes later, the entire X-Men Gold and Blue
> teams were seated in the War Room. It was a rather tight fit, and
> Storm, who had claustrophobia, was beginning to feel a bit
> uncomfortable. Her discomfort was forgotten, however, when the
> Professor cleared his throat.
> "Thank you for your attendance, my X-Men. I am aware that
> this meeting has been called on short notice, but we have
> encountered a problem that may require our special talents.
> Phantom, please enlighten us to what you have discovered."
> Phantom calmly surveyed her teammates as she spoke. "There
> have been reports of large robots attacking areas all over America.
CROW: Duh.
SERVO: She has a very short attention span..
> I am aware of the Sentinels' existence, but clearly this is not
t> heir work. From what I was able to observe with Cerebro, the
> government is at a loss to explain their presence. Also, it seems
t> hat the military lacks the power to stop these robots. I did
> notice a pattern within their attacks. These robots have targeted
> energy facilities for their raids. I am certain that this is an
> important clue to their motives. As of yet, I have been unable to
> determine what they plan to do with their stolen energy, but I'm
> sure that it can't be anything good."
> "You mean that these gigantic metal monsters actually exist?
CROW: Yes, that's what she's saying. If you make her repeat herself one more time---!
> Bummer!" exclaimed Jubilee.
> The Professor addressed his pupils once again. "These strange
> beings pose a threat to the continent, and possibly the entire
> world. The military is obviously ill-prepared to deal with this
> menace. The attack on the power plant alone has caused millions of
> dollars of damage, thirty-eight injuries, and seven fatalities.
> This time, humans and mutants alike are threatened. I know that
> the world is not ready to accept mutants, and that we are both
> hated and feared for our abilities.
SERVO: I thought this was a fanfic and not X-Men History 101.
> But there is no telling what these robots may do. We must put a stop to these > energy raids as soon as possible!"
> "But sir," Cyclops spoke up, "how will we know where they will
> strike next?"
CROW: [[As Prof]] I have a new method. It's called Eenie Meeny Miney Moe.
> "I have programmed Cerebro to search for any unusual activity
> across the United States. If these robots attempt another attack,
> we will know about it at once."
> With those words, alarms began to sound. The dull monotone of
> Cerebro reported, "Activity of large robots reported at Bowley Dam
> in northern Oregon."
> "These guys work fast," drawled Rogue with a thick Southern
> accent. "We'll just have to teach these fellas some good old-
> fashioned manners!"
CROW: Why do I have the feeling the author's only seen the cartoon?
> Professor X ordered, "X-Men, take the Blackbird and stop these
> robots before they cause untold damage. Good luck!"
> "We won't let you down, Professor!" Cyclops vowed.
SERVO: He's always so willing to serve the Professor.
CROW: Hmmmm..
MIKE: Guys!
> The X Factor
> (or The Transformers vs. the X-Men)
>
> by Becky Roman (broman@athena.hood.edu)
> Disclaimer time (collective groan): The Transformers are owned
> by Hasbro and various other companies (namely, not me). The X-Men
> are owned by Marvel and probably some other companies too (also not
> me). Other than Phantom, who is my creation, somebody else holds
> the rights to these characters.
> Chapter Two
ALL: Electric Boogaloo!
> Despite Jubilee's pleadings to fly the Blackbird herself and
> Gambit's protests to let him retrieve his gumbo from the
> refrigerator, the Blackbird made good time on the way to Oregon.
> Flying at Mach speeds, the Blackbird quickly reached the site of
> Bowley Dam.
> "Mon Dieu!" Gambit exclaimed. "These robots, they are
> enormous! But never fear, Gambit's got a few aces up his sleeve."
MIKE: Yup, the author's only seen the cartoon.
> He shuffled his pack of cards with one hand.
CROW: And had one hand in his pocket.
> "Put those away, Gambit," scolded Cyclops.
CROW: Ewwwww...
> "We have to concentrate our next move."
> The Blackbird suddenly banked hard to the right, narrowly
> missing a destructive laser blast. Everyone inside was thrown out
> of their seats, except for Phantom.
SERVO: Who apparantly was the only one paying attention in "REmaining in Your Seat 101".
> "What's going on?" gasped Jubilee.
> Phantom replied, "Luckily, I was paying attention to what was
> happening on the ground. I used my telekinetic powers to control
t> he Blackbird and dodge the energy blast. I suggest that we land
> as soon as possible -- these robots don't seem at all friendly!"
> Cyclops took her advice and quickly found a large patch of
> ground suitable for landing. "Get ready, people! We're going in!"
> Cyclops avoided another barrage of laser fire as he landed the
> Blackbird. "We're down! Let's go out there and see if we can lend
> a hand."
> "Aye-aye, cap'n!" Cyclops ignored Gambit's ill-timed humor.
CROW: Since when did Gambit say "aye aye"?
> * * * * *
> "What's this?" a silvery-gray robot murmured in surprise.
> "Humans have arrived to try to stop us. Quite amusing." He
> chuckled softly.
CROW: For no one can find his Lucky Charms now.
> "Do not worry, Megatron!" mocked Starscream, Megatron's
> insubordinate second-in-command. "I will take care of the Earth
> creatures, if you are too afraid."
> "AFRAID?!! Starscream, be thankful that I will not slag you on
> the spot! I need able-bodied warriors to help me gather energy and
> vanquish those weakling Autobots, but I will not tolerate
> insubordination! Keep that in mind!"
CROW: Someone's been using the thesaurus.
> "Look, Megatron!" Skywarp spoke. "The fleshlings are emerging
> from their vehicle. Can I crush one?"
MIKE: Crush this fanfic while you're at it.
> "Skywarp, your imbecility is beginning to annoy me," Megatron
> growled. "Do whatever you like to the flesh creatures, but be
> quick about it! We have energy to gather."
> "What fun! Come help me, Thundercracker!" Skywarp gloated.
> Thundercracker looked uncertain. He thought that it would
> only be a waste of time and energy to harm the flesh creatures.
> "No thanks, Sky," he replied. "I'm going to help gather energy."
> "Spoilsport! Oh well, I'll have all the fun to myself!"
> * * * * *
> "Look out!" Phantom yelled. One of the large robot, a black
> one with wings, was lifting up his large foot. Jean looked up and
> saw the danger looming right above her. She quickly rose up in the
> air, easily avoiding the descending foot.
> "What the--?!" sputtered the robot.
MIKE: I believe the term is "telekinesis."
> "Leave her alone!" Jubilee screamed, extending her arms.
> Blasts of pyrotechnic energy, bearing a remarkable resemblance to
> fireworks, shot from her fingertips.
SERVO: <Sigh> Why must everyone explain the X-Men's powers millions of times?
> They struck the robot fully
> in the faceplate.
> "Megatron, help me!" yelled Skywarp as he fell backwards,
> crashing into the ground. The Decepticons turned and gaped. Skywarp
> was on the ground, begging for aid.
> "Skywarp! You pathetic excuse for a Decepticon! You can't
> even squash one human without bungling it!" roared Megatron.
> "Let me prove my worth, Megatron! *My* superior talents will
> succeed where Skywarp has miserably failed!" bragged Starscream.
> "Very well," Megatron conceded. "But make it fast! The
> energy here takes priority."
SERVO: It keeps going, and going, and going.
> * * * * *
> "Here comes another one!" Jean announced, floating to the
> ground.
CROW: Thanks. I'm sure they couldn't see GIANT ROBOTS!
> "Puny humans! You are no match for me!" Starscream laughed as
> he aimed his null ray at the cluster of humans.
> "I summon the forces of the heavens to stop you, robot!"
> Storm rose up in the air. Starscream gasped. A mere flesh
> creature -- flying?! Squishies couldn't fly! He was sure of it!
CROW: NOOO! The Animated Series Storm!
> Starscream was even more bewildered when he looked at the sky.
> Clouds had begun to gather, even though the sky had been crystal-
> clear a moment ago. "What is going on?" he wondered. The answer
> was, well, shocking! Storm gathered the power of the elements
> within her, releasing it in the form of a lightning bolt. "Aiee!"
> Starscream shrieked as the electricity tore through him.
> "Take that!" Jubilee yelled defiantly. "That'll teach you to
> mess with us, tincans!"
SERVO: Is this some obscure Wizard of Oz reference?
> "Tincans is right," Phantom snickered. "Hey, tin woodsmen!
> Why don't you guys go back to Oz?"
SERVO: <Sigh> Once again they repeat.
> Skywarp was horrified by their reaction. He obviously had no
> comprehension of the joke, but even he could tell that he was being
> made fun of.
CROW: Of course! He was stupid enough to appear in this fanfic!
> The laughter of the X-Men echoed through his head,
> taunting him.
> "Good one, kid," Wolverine growled, chucking in spite of
> himself. "It's time we recycled these guys."
SERVO: THAT'S IT! I'M SICK OF THESE PUNS!!!
[[Tom's bubble begins to smoke]]
> "Megatron!" Skywarp whined. "The squishies are laughing at
> us!"
CROW: Squishies?! SQUISHIES?!?!
MIKE: [[As Apu]] Thank you, come again!
> "What?!" Megatron roared in surprise. The laughter itself did
> not bother him because even his fellow Decepticons made fun of
> Thundercracker. What was disturbing was the lack of fear that
> these fleshlings portrayed. They were supposed to be fleeing in
> terror, not laughing at his warriors!
SERVO: See what happens with a bad writer?
> He stepped outside, nearly tripping over Starscream's body,
> which was still smoking slightly. "Owww," Starscream whined
> pitifully.
SERVO: People don't saw "ow" angrily. They say "ARGH!"
> "What is going on here?" Megatron demanded.
> "That squishy zapped me with lightning! It's not fair!
> They're not supposed to be able to do that!"
MIKE: Squishies are supposed to be drinkable!
> "Hah!" Megatron laughed scornfully. "If a mere fleshling can
> beat you, Starscream, what chance do you have of succeeding me as
l> eader?" Starscream only glared at him defiantly.
> "Megatron," Soundwave spoke suddenly. "I believe that some of
> these fleshlings are telepathic."
> "Telepathic? How is this possible?" Megatron asked
> incredulously. "See if you can read their minds, Soundwave. Try
> to find out how they have acquired such powers."
MIKE: [[Soundwave]] I hear something like "Help us! We're being controlled against our own free will! Get us out of this fanfic!"
CROW: [[Megatron]] I said scan THEIR minds!
MIKE: [[Soundwave]] I did....
> Soundwave surveyed the gathered fleshlings, using his mental
> abilities to locate the telepaths. "Attempting to scan," he
> announced to his leader.
CROW: [[As Soundwave]] Microsoft Error #132.
SERVO: [[As Megatron]] Oh Sh--..
> Phantom stopped short suddenly, feeling an alien mind probe
> hers. She smiled to herself when she discovered that the robot
> could not make sense of her thoughts.
> "Scan unsuccessful," Soundwave declared, somehow managing to
> sound regretful despite his monotone. "Fleshling's thoughts are
> encrypted. Unable to decipher."
> "No matter," Megatron said dismissively. "We should--"
> "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGH!" A loud cry of pain interrupted his
> words. He turned in shock to see Soundwave crouched on the ground,
> clutching his head with both hands.
> "Soundwave!" he exclaimed. He had never heard his friend cry
> out in pain that way before.
> "I hope that hurt," a voice said with satisfaction. "That'll
> teach you to mess with my mind."
CROW: Nah, hurting is reading this.
> Megatron peered down far below him. On the ground stood a
> female fleshling with flowing black hair. Her hands were placed on
> her hips in defiance. "You are responsible for this?" he growled
> angrily, gesturing to his communications officer, who was still
> clutching his head in agony.
> "Of course," Phantom replied matter-of-factly. "Even though
> he couldn't read his mind, I still don't appreciate his efforts to
> try. I decided to teach him a little lesson." She mentally
> reached out to the blue robot's mind, squeezing harder and
> eliciting another sharp cry of pain.
> "Impossible!" Megatron roared. "Humans cannot do such
> things!"
SERVO: As you've stated 50 times already!
> "Oh, reeeeally?" Phantom sneered. "I guess we're just
> figments of your imagination."
> "Silence!" Megatron exclaimed angrily. "You have become an
> annoyance to me.
MIKE: And to us.
> Prepare to be terminated." He reached down and
> snatched the young woman from the ground, lifting her high in the
> air.
SERVO: King Kong takes on The Transformers. Next, on Springer.
> Phantom smiled at him mockingly as he prepared to crush her in
> his fist. She concentrated briefly, and her body burst into bright
> red flame. With a cry of surprise and pain, Megatron released her.
> Using her telekinesis, she slowed her fall and drifted gently back
> down to the ground. "Moron," she muttered to herself.
CROW: [[As Becky Roman]] I resent that!
> Megatron clutched his scorched hand to his side.
> "Decepticons! Amass the energon cubes and prepare to depart!"
> Several Decepticons rushed out from inside the building, arms
> laden with energon cubes filled with power they had stolen from the
> dam. They stopped short when they saw Starscream lying damaged on
> the ground and their comrades battling a bunch of humans, who
> actually seemed to be winning.
> Megatron strode over to them and briefly examined the cubes as
> they were piled up before him. "I had hoped for more, but I
> suppose it will have to suffice. The interference of these
> fleshlings has become an impediment. Very well, let's transport
> this energy back to our headquarters." He reached for the nearest
> stack.
> "Not so fast!" Cyclops exclaimed, unleashing an optic blast,
> which connected with the stack of energon that Megatron was
> reaching for. It exploded, creating a chain reaction that reached
> the other cubes, causing them to explode as well.
CROW: Dominoes. Dangerous. Yet fun.
> Megatron cried out in anger and pain as the concussive force
> of the blast smacked into him, knocking him backwards. Ignoring
> the signals from his pain receptors, he straightened up stiffly and
> glanced around. His warriors lay strewn around on the ground,
> looking dazed. The few that were still standing were being slowly
> defeated by the bizarre flesh creatures.
SERVO: [[As Megatron]] Michael Jackson. Leonardo DiCaprio. Monica Lewinsky. Linda Tripp.
> Megatron sighed to himself. His pride stung with the
> realization of what his next words would be. "Decepticons,
> retreat!" he announced. "We have sustained too much damage to
> remain here."
> Slowly and painfully, his troops drew themselves to their feet
> and followed him into the sky. As a parting shot, Megatron fired
> his fusion cannon. The blast struck Bishop, who absorbed the
> energy into his body and then unleashed it in the direction from
> which it had come. He smiled grimly as he watched a trail of smoke
> stream from the silvery white robot as it began to fall from the
> sky.
CROW: Smoke stream? Say....
MIKE: Crow, I'm warning you...
> "All right!" Jubilee exclaimed, exchanging a high-five with
> Phantom. "We did it! We showed those Oz-lovers who's boss!"
SERVO: She definitely saw the cartoon.
> The sound of approaching engines made the X-Men turn. "Be
> prepared, team," Cyclops cautioned. "These could be more of them."
CROW: Although we don't know WHY they'd want to be in this fanfic.
> Phantom reached out with her mind, attempting to read the
> thoughts of the machines that approached. "Yes, they are
> sentient," she mused. She squeezed her eyes shut, concentrating
> hard. She could not read their minds the way she was used to
> reading human minds, but she was sure there was a way. She allowed
> her instincts to take over
SERVO: She started running her way out of this fanfic.
> , searching for a way to decode the
> mechanical impulses coming from the minds of the approaching
> vehicles and translate them into neural impulses that she could
> understand.
MIKE: [[As Phantom]] One plus one equals two....who knew!!
> Her green eyes opened and gazed curiously at the approaching
> mechanisms. "I understand now," she murmured. It was so easy,
> really. Once she had figured out how to translate their thoughts,
> it was quite simple to read their minds and understand their
> thoughts. "These robots pose no threat to us. They have arrived
> to stop the ones that were just here. Of course, they are too
> late."
SERVO: Oh, of course. The Transformers are NEVER LATE!
> "You can read their minds?" Jean exclaimed in surprise. She
> tried to scan their thoughts herself, but she could not make sense
> of them.
CROW: The writer's thoughts are jumbled.
MIKE: Does that surprise you?
CROW: No, not really.
> "It's easy, really," Phantom assured her. "Since I haven't
> been with you guys very long, I'm used to figuring out how to use
> my powers on my own. I've become accustomed to using them in
> unorthodox ways."
MIKE: [[As Phantom]] I can unscramble the TV!
SERVO: [[Wolverine]] I got dibs on the soaps!
> The group of super-powered humans gaped as the vehicles before
> them pulled up and transformed, revealing their true robotic forms.
> The lead vehicle, a red semi truck, transformed and looked around
> in surprise. The Decepticons were nowhere in sight. He then
> turned toward the sky and gaped in astonishment. The Decepticons
> were fleeing, and without a single cube of energon! Megatron, who
> was trailing smoke, was being assisted by Soundwave.
CROW: "assisted", huh...
MIKE: Crow!
> "What is going on?" he mused, studying a large patch of
> scorched earth. Then he caught sight of the humans before him.
> Phantom stepped forward to greet them. "What took you so
> long?"
CROW: [[As Optimus]] We were taping our TV show.
> Optimus Prime could only stare.
SERVO: [[Narrator]] At Phantom, as there was broccoli in her teeth.
MIKE: I guess this is the end.
CROW: Hmm...that was fast.
[[6....5....4....3....2....1....]]
CROW: So, pretty cheap way for the X-Men and Transformers to meet, eh?
SERVO: Yup.
[[Lights flash]]
MIKE: Pearl's calling.
[[Castle Forrester.]]
PEARL: How was the fanfic, guys?
[[SOL]]
MIKE: Not bad. Coulda been a helluva lot better, though.
[[Castle Forrester]]
PEARL: So your soul's not broken?
[[SOL]]
MIKE: Nope.
[[Castle Forrester]]
PEARL: Damn.
[[Blonde Bobo and Brain Guy walk on screen]]
BOB: Oh, it was so amazing! The part where the ship sank was awesome!
BRAIN GUY: I'm glad you liked it.
PEARL: Brain Guy, what are you and Bobo doing?
BRAIN GUY: That's BOBO?! Why is he dressed like a woman!?
PEARL: There was a little mix up.
BRAIN GUY: Oh, how embarrassing. I have to go shower.
PEARL: Anyway, I'll get you next week, Nelson.
[[Credits, etc.]]
