DISCLAIMER: None of the Marvel characters are mine. (Which is too bad because they haven't been doing those guys any justice as of late.) Dana belongs to the creative genius of Sarah Crauder. Danae, P'er-kee and the Oracle belong to the all powerful Dyce. Artur Kastanek belongs to Dandelion. (I'm just hoping that I spell his name right.) The bunny slippers belong to Abyss. (There is not a proper adjective to describe him and I mean that in a good way.) As always, the Subreality Cafe belongs to Kielle and without whom none of this madness would be possible.

That's right folks, none of these characters are mine. I am receiving no money out of this so suing me would cause you to lose more money than you would earn.

Dana had been walking the streets of Subreality for what seemed like days. Even with a number of writers now working on story lines for her, things had been really slow. Being a somewhat new fictive made navigating the tangle of shops, delis and bars next to impossible. There were no road maps to Subreality because it was constantly changing. Buildings would appear and disappear at random, but never when you were looking. Aside from the lack of permanent landmarks, the streets always in an ever-present, mysterious mist that enveloped everything. Every day was a state of post dusk, pre-
twilight regardless of the hour. On top of everything, the streets were always deserted so you couldn't ask for directions.

Dana was longing for someplace, anyplace where she could relax and pass some time while she waited for some new work. Being a fictive was action-packed on the good days but horribly boring inbetween stories. She knew she couldn't complain, though. Her fictive star was on the rise and she knew she was bound to get work sooner or later.

Being lost in her thoughts Dana didn't notice a figure darting about in the mist just as lost as she was. This figure was bent over a piece of rolled parchment and was trying desperately to read it in the pale street light. The two of them walked directly into one another, knocking themselves to the ground.

Dana squinted through the mist to examine the individual who she just knocked over. If it had not been Subreality Dana might have been shocked at the girl's appearance, but she wasn't. The girl was a skinny teenager, about her age and wearing normal street clothes. The most striking thing about the girl's appearance though were her pale rainbow-colored eyes, gracefully pointed ears and delicate pixie wings coming out of her back. The girl got up while helping Dana to her feet and brushed herself off.

"Sorry about that," the girl apologized as she retrieved her parchment from the ground, "I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. Maybe you can help me though. My name is Danae and I'm lost."

"I'm Dana. I would help you but I have no clue where I am going myself. At this point I'm just wandering the streets looking for a stable place to hang out until a writer needs me again.," Dana explained as she offered her hand in a handshake.

Danae shrugged. "Well would you like to walk with me then? I'm looking for the Subreality Cafe. That's where most fictives pass the time between stories."

"I've never heard of it but I'll try and help you find it. I have nothing better to do," Dana agreed as she began to walk with Danae, "What is the parchment for?"

"The Oracle wrote me directions. She was the one who told me about the Subreality Cafe."

"The Oracle?"

"Yeah. She's a big fictive fashioned after my writer. Supposedly she is the one who controls the timelines in my writer's stories. The Oracle is not someone you want to mess with."

No sooner had the pair started walking together when they saw a glowing fluorescent sign come into view that said SUBREALITY CAFE. Getting closer they could see a small set of stairs rising from the pavement and leading to a pair of glass doors with fancy cast-iron handles. There was a street light just outside of the building by the street. A tall, elegant-looking woman was leaning against it. She wore a heavy, black velvet robe with a matching mask concealing her face around her eyes. Aside from her, there was a heavy-set man sitting on the stoop and reading a newspaper. The woman saw the two girls approach and immediately waved them over to her.

"I was wondering what had happened to you two. I've been waiting here for ages," the woman said as Dana and Danae stopped infront of her.

"What was with the directions you gave me? They didn't help me at all," Danae demanded of the woman as she crinkled the parchment for emphasis.

"First of all, there is no use for directions to the cafe. It's simply a matter of walking until you get here. Directions will only get you lost here in Subreality. Secondly, as far as the directions not helping you, you would not have found one another without them."

"What do you mean 'you would not have found one another without them'? Is there something you're not telling me?"

"There are a lot of things that I don't tell you, Danae, but that's because I am the Oracle. The two of you are newcomers to the Subreality Cafe. This is a dangerous place if you don't watch your backs. Nothing a writer can put you through would ever prepare a fictive for the things you are likely to face in there. You, Danae, have the instincts to protect yourself but you are prone to injury and over-all bad luck. Dana, on the other hand, has the power to heal injuries but is still inexperienced in protecting herself from the dangers of Subreality. Writers cannot protect you here. My suggestion would be that the two of you watch one anothers' backs."

Danae looked at the Oracle incredulously. "Dangerous?!"

"Don't question me, Danae, you know better."

Dana, who was just barely following the conversation, started to ask, "How...?"

"Like she said, she's 'the Oracle' and she knows everything. That's how she knew about who you were," Danae explained, cutting off a bewildered Dana.

"Now let's go inside," the Oracle called back over her shoulder to the girls as she made her way to the door. "I need a drink!"

Dana and Danae exchanged a doubtful look for a moment. The Subreality Cafe looked like any other restaurant or bar. Sure the Oracle said it was dangerous, but couldn't that be slightly exaggerated? In the end they followed the Oracle to the door.

The gentleman, who they assumed was the bouncer, got up off the stoop and blocked the pair while asking suspiciously. "Okay, and what do the two of you want?!"

"We're here to see the cafe," Dana answered simply as she tried to manuever around him.

"And who are you guys?" the bouncer persisted while continuing to block their path.

"I'm Dana and this is Danae."

"What are you guys supposed to be? Some kind of singing duo?"

"Look," Danae started through gritted teeth, losing patience, "we're fictives and we're here to hang out for a little while."

"Right, Tinkerbell! How come I've never heard of you?"

"I'm Sabretooth's foster daughter."

"Do you know how many Sabretooths come through here? How am I supposed to know if you're related to one of them? I've heard some pretty interesting stories from people trying to get in here."

Dana tried to reason with him. "If we aren't fictives, then what are we doing in Subreality?"

"You'd be surprised," the bouncer answered and crossed his arms. It was obvious that he wasn't budging.

The Oracle placed her hand upon the bouncer's shoulder. He turned to meet her stone cold glare. "If you don't want to end up a twitching puddle on the pavement I would suggest that you quit harassing them and let them pass. They're with me."

The bouncer knew that the Oracle could do no permanent damage to him as he was a staple employee of the Cafe. Still, he knew that she had some power and could make him look really bad in front of the other patrons. She was not someone to cross. He ended up grunting and moving out of the girls' way. The two followed the Oracle through the door and into the smokey atmosphere of the bar. Looking around, Dana was able to pick out three Gambits playing cards at a small corner table, two Beasts arguing scientific law over beers and...oh no...five Cyclopses.

*One Cyclops is bad enough!* Dana inwardly groaned.

Dana carefully absorbed the sights of the interior. There was a fireplace at one end of the cafe, scattered tables and booths and a bar crowded with all sorts of fictives trying to get drinks. There was plenty of voices talking, laughing and arguing. Above all of the smoke and voices Dana was barely able to make out some music that she assumed was from a jukebox somewhere within the room.

The three of them were finally able to snag an empty booth and sat down. The two girls sat across from one another while the Oracle sat on the aisle. After a moment or two the Oracle got up saying, "I'm going to the bar to get a drink. Have fun and be careful."

"So, was what you said about being Sabretooth's foster daughter true?" Dana asked as soon as the Oracle had left.

"Yup."

"What kind of fiction are you involved with?"

"Mainly I've appeared with Generation X. It's nothing serious. My writer mostly does parody. What about you?"

"I appear with the X-Men as a new member. At this point I'm going out with Sam Guthrie. There are mainly two writers who work on storylines that include me in them so I am clueless usually as to what will happen next."

"Two writers?!"

"You won't believe how hectic it gets when a few people are writing about you at once."

They eventually ordered something to drink. Dana got a large diet soda and Danae ordered a mammoth-sized chocolate shake. Dana had started to think that the Oracle had been extremely wrong about the cafe being dangerous. It didn't take Danae long to finish off half of her shake. She was starting to feel hyper and was ready for something to happen. Unfortunately it did...

Suddenly a gentleman in a trenchcoat and a fedora tripped over somthing and was sent sprawling across the table. Both of the girls' beverages of choice were knocked over. Dana didn't get drenched too badly but Danae's jeans were covered with what was left from her shake. Danae was none too happy considering how cold the shake was and the fact that chocolate can stain.

"What the #$%@..." she cursed jumping up from her seat.

The gentleman just got up, brushed himself off and proceeded to walk away as if nothing had happened at all. Dana got up and grabbed his arm before he had gotten two steps away saying, "You know pal, the phrase 'I'm sorry' would be very appropriate right about now."

"A man who has shot Wolverine doesn't need to apologize," he stated in a tone of annoyance before turning his back on them again and walking away.

A sympathetic Gambit went and brought the girls some napkins so they could mop themselves off. He explained as the girls cleaned up, "Petites, you just met Arthur Kastanek. He is a small fictive who act big. His writer had him shoot Wolverine in de head. It not have been a problem 'cept he t'inks dat it give him a license or somet'in ta' do as he please."

Gambit went off to start another card game and they reordered their drinks and sat in silent thought while they dried out. Dana was still trying to figure out what had happened that caused the accident. It was possible that someone in the crowded bar could have banged into him, causing him to lose his balance. Then again, he also could have tripped over a chair or something on the floor.

With that last thought she looked down and heard a small "Chkkrkt." On the floor next to the booth she saw an odd-looking bunny slipper. It was a safe assumption that it was alive since it was hopping around in circles. It was slightly shabby with wear but the black glass eyes looked up at her in such an appealing matter that made them irresistable.

"Hello, little guy," she cooed, "did that jerk trip over you? Did he hurt you?"

Dana reached down to pet the slipper until she heard Danae shout, "Don't touch that thing!" and grabbed her hand. Just at that moment another slipper jumped out of nowhere and bit Danae's hand. Both of the girls started from the suddenly vicious attack of the bunny slippers. The slippers scurried away through the crowd of feet.

"You #$^* rats! I'm going to shred you scruffy little dust collectors!" Danae shrieked after them while clutching her bleeding hand.

Dana stopped Danae, saying, "Before you do anything, let's fix your hand." With that Dana's hands started to glow. Her irridescent fingers cupped themselves over the injured hand for a couple of minutes. When the hand was released there wasn't even a bruise left behind from the bite.

"Thanks." Danae smiled slightly sitting back down. "You're a handy person to have around sometimes."

Kitty Pryde walked over to them, saying, "You can't make sudden moves around those things. They are dangerously unpredictable when they're startled. I have seen very few things that are that vicious. They even killed their owner once."

"Did anyone do anything about it?" Dana asked.

"There isn't much you can do. Only writers can pass judgment on a fictive, and here death is rarely permanent."

Kitty walked back to join some of her friends at another booth and Dana turned to Danae. "I'm sorry about that. I didn't think they could be dangerous. They looked so cute."

"That should be your first clue," Danae explained. "When something looks harmless it is usually anything but."

"I'll keep that in mind next time."

"There isn't going to be a next time for those slippers. I say we get those pastel little rats and turn them into pillow stuffing."

"Do you have a plan?" Dana asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Just watch and learn," Danae answered before getting up and making her way to the bar. She came back carrying a red cooler with a white top. Smiling triumphantly, she presented the cooler on the table in front of Dana. "All we have to do is herd them into the cooler, shut the lid and latch it."

"I just have one question...who's going to herd them into the cooler and who's going to latch it?"

"Well..."

*The two of you can worry about latching the lid. Just leave the herding to me.*

"Who?" Dana started, looking confused at the telepathic voice. She was interupted when a big, beautiful cat jumped up next to her, momentarily rubbed against her shoulder, jumped down and walked away in search of the "pastel rats" as Danae referred to them.

Within a matter of minutes the cat found the bunny slippers. The slippers had quietly been stalking Lockheed with the intent of making him their next meal. They had been so involved in their hunt that they didn't know the cat was approaching. Suddenly the cat let out a high-pitched yowl that startled the slippers into panicking and they started to run in an attempt to escape.

Between the slippers stampeding at high speeds around the feet of various individuals and the cat chasing them, quite a commotion began to errupt. People tried to move out of the way in order to keep from being knocked over. Some people lost their balance and lost hold of their beer mugs, leaving them to crash to the floor. The cat tried to dodge the broken glass and almost got hit by a falling mug once, but he kept going. If the slippers veered to the right, the cat cut them off and kept them on their intended path. If they started to slow down the cat would nip at their small tails and they would immediately speed up with a squeal.

Realizing that the cat was heading in their direction with the slippers, Danae laid the cooler on its side on the floor and Dana stood ready with the cover. In a final attempt to escape the cat, the slippers dove right into the cooler. Immediately Dana pressed the lid on while Danae turned the cooler right-side-up and latched it shut. The cooler began to buck across the floor with the slippers trying to get out but the girls simply sat on it until it stopped. For a moment the cafe was quiet until the patrons started thunderous applause.

"Good," Emma Frost sniffed from her secluded corner of the room. "Someone finally got rid of those nasty little beasts."

Pete Wisdom high-fived Danae, saying, "Nice job."

"The cat did most of the work," Dana nodded to the feline that sat demurely on the floor by her feet.

A number of patrons pitched in and ordered the cat a can of tuna and a saucer of milk as a reward "for valor above and beyond the call of duty." Soon everyone was back to their drinking and card-playing. Dana spotted a pool table in a small corner of the cafe and challenged Danae to a game. Danae agreed and dragged her cooler to the pool table with her. She didn't want to risk letting it out of her sight for fear that the slippers would escape and exact some sort of revenge on her. She was already toying with the idea of bronzing them and displaying them in a trophy case somewhere.

The girls chatted as they played. Dana was winning against Danae for a while until she scratched the eight ball. They both ordered glasses of ice water before beginning their next game. Dana suddenly said, "Too bad we can't do to Kastanek and the bouncer the same thing that we did to the slippers."

"Yeah," nodded Danae. "It would certainly take them down a couple of pegs but I doubt that there are coolers big enough."

"It would certainly be nice if they got what they deserved."

Danae smiled evily and raised her ice water into the air in a mock toast. "To the two of them getting what they deserve."

"To the two of them getting what they deserve," Dana agreed vehemently as she clinked her glass with Danae's.

The Oracle had been keeping her eye on the pair and had been eavesdropping on the conversation to some extent. With that last statement a mysterious smile played across her lips before she...POOF...vanished.

Not long afterwards a disturbance picked up at the bar. Another Pete Wisdom was arguing quite loudly with someone, but no one knew what it was about. When the other person started to shout over him Dana and Danae realized that it was Kastanek. The girls paused to watch.

Kastanek was arrogant and hard enough to deal with when he was sober. Now he was half-drunk and dealing with him was impossible. The shouting continued to escalate until Kastanek yelled above Pete, "A man who has shot Wolverine doesn't..."

Kastanek was cut short in his tirade when two burly hands grabbed him by the collar from behind and turned him around. Kastanek was looking right into the eyes of a scowling Wolverine.

"You were saying, bub?!"

Kastanek made no response other than to reach for his pistol holster. Unfortunately it was empty. He should not have been surprised to see it dangling from the extended claw of another Wolverine who was standing five feet to his left.

Yet another Wolverine could be heard growling over his beer from a nearby table, "I am getting pretty @#$^ sick of your mouth, flatfoot."

There was also a Wolverine that had been playing pool at a table next to Dana and Danae. He wandered over to the amassing mob of angry Wolverines. Before it got any uglier he shouted, "Let's take it outside. We don't want to smash up the place over this slime."

There were some groans of disappointment from the onlookers, one of them being Pete Wisdom. The manager heaved a heavy sigh of relief as the mob started to carry Kastanek out of the bar. At that moment Kastanek realized that his odds of surviving and remaining a baritone against this mob was not very good. He screamed, "HELP!"

Dana could not resist shouting in response, "A man who has shot Wolverine doesn't need help."

With that the mob disappeared from the bar through the doors. Everything returned to normal. (Or as normal as you can get in Subreality.) The girls resumed their pool and figured that all the excitement for the night was over with. Then it happened...

The bouncer ran screaming through the doors in terror. He didn't stop until he had run across the room to the bar, vaulted over the counter and ducked out of view behind it. Everyone began to laugh until they saw the source of the bouncer's terror skip right through the door. It looked like a blue-and-orange Care Bear except it was Barney-sized and carried the same nauseatingly happy personality.

"ALL RIGHT, LET'S HAVE SOME FUN!" chirped the booming, sugar-coated voice.

"OH $*%&!" Danae swore when she saw him. "It's P'er-kee!"

With that she threw her pool cue down and grabbed Dana by the arm, and they dove under the table for cover. Pandemonium ensued as everyone ran for cover to escape P'er-
kee's clutches. Unfortunately Colossus didn't make it because he had been in a drunken stupor. P'er-kee gathered him into a large bear hug and he crumpled to the floor with a studpid grin on his face.

"Poor bastard didn't stand a chance," Pete Wisdom breathed from behind the jukbox.

The girls cowered helplessly under the table as they watched the chaos. Within seconds an eerie silence settled over the cafe. The could hear P'er-kee's fuzzy feet skipping across the floor as he searched for victims.

"What is P'er-kee?" whispered Dana.

"He's an entity that takes depressed or unhappy individuals and makes them horribly perky. When they are perky he feeds off of it and his power grows. The more depressed a person is to begin with, the more powerful it makes him."

"What's he doing here?"

"Think about it!" Danae whispered back. "This is a bar full of bored and half-drunk fictives who are probably not in the best of moods. If he gets a hold of everyone here..." Danae shuddered at the thought.

Dana peeked out at him a moment. "Do you know if there is any way to defeat him?"

"I managed it once but I had to knock out all of the people he was influencing and I can't very well do it with a group this size."

Dana could tell P'er-kee was headed in their direction when she heard the terrified yelp of Sabretooth when P'er-kee found him crouching behind a keg. She looked around frantically for something that would serve as a weapon. Her eyes fell upon the cooler on the floor next to the pool table. THE SLIPPERS!

"I remember hearing someone mention in passing that those slippers would eat anything. Maybe if we let them out..."

"Are you nuts? There is no way we could control those #%@# things. If we let them out they could go after almost anyone."

"Okay, I suppose you would rather take your chances against that!" Dana hissed while pointing to P'er-kee who was now only a couple of yards away.

At that moment a sickeningly sweet voice boomed, "COME OUT, COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE!"

With that Danae lunged at the cooler, unlatched the lid and unceremoniously dumped the slippers onto the floor. The bunnies looked started for a moment after the tumble and scanned the room. Suddenly both of them feasted their beady eyes on P'er-kee. Dana was sure she saw two sets of fangs glint in the dim light as the slippers licked their chops.

When all the dust settled there was nothing left of P'er-kee except some stray puffs of fur floating in the air.

"Deja-vu," shrugged Gambit. "Dis makes de score: SLIPPERS 5, P'ER-KEE 0."

The manager groaned, "I hate those blue-and-orange bits of fur when those slippers have disposed of P'er-kee. It means I have to vaccuum again and that fur always clogs up the hose."

"Mebbee I should give dem a recipe fo' Cajun-style P'er-kee Gumbo."

"In any case," the manager sighed, "I had better get them their fries to go with the meal."

The slippers were stretched out on a chair by the fireplace looking very full and content. Other than a tiny belch every so often they did not make a sound or even move. The grateful bouncer left a small gift for them at the foot of the chair...a box of expensive cigars.

"I think they'll be too stuffed to try and eat anything for a while," Danae nodded grimly. "I still hate those little dustballs, but I suppose they are the lesser of two evils."

Dana yawned. "I don't know about you, but I'm going home and calling it a night."

"I'm with you," Danae agreed as they headed toward the door.

"Still," Dana added with a smile, "we'll have to do this again sometime."

"Sure!" Danae agreed as they walked down the steps, onto the street and disappeared into the mist.

The End

Dana belongs to Sarah Crauder and first appeared in the story "A Laying On Of Hands."
Danae belongs to Dyce and appeared in "Pizza Dreams" and makes an appearance in the "Generation Cat" series.
The Oracle also belongs to Dyce and appears in "I Don't Wear Spandex."
Arthur Kastanek belongs to Dandelion and appears in "A Companion Picture" and also makes a few cameo appearances in Abyss' "It's Not the Fall That Kills You" from the "Subreality Cafe" series.
The bunny slippers belong to Abyss and first appear in "It's Not the Fall That Kills You."
Finally, P'er-kee belongs to Dyce as well and appeared in "Pizza Dreams."
The Subreality Cafe was created by Kielle.

While I think of it, the bunny slippers wanting fries with P'er-kee stemmed from something Abyss wrote to me in an e-mail so he deserves credit for that.

Also, the reference to the slippers eating P'er-kee before is connected to a story written by Darqstar for the Subreality Cafe Series. (I'm sorry, but I honestly can not remember the title for it.) (Archivist's note: It was called "The Times That Try Men's Hearts.")

THANKS!